14 week old ds crying after being put in cot- what SHOULD we be doing?

[JamesAndTheGiantBanana]

We've only just started putting ds in his cot in the past two weeks. Previously he would fall asleep downstairs with us (because he is my pfb and I was scared he would choke if I left him alone ahem) and we would take him up with us when we went to bed.

He's been ok at going in his cot alone so far but the past two nights he has been crying after being put in there. We have a cctv style baby monitor so I can see him when he's crying and it's mostly whinging but it does seem to gradually escalate into proper tears if we don't go to him within about five or ten minutes.

I don't want to encourage bad nighttime habits by running upstairs and fussing over him every two minutes, but also I don't want to be cruel and ignore him so he starts to hate his cot/being left alone.

What should I do when he cries?

[Bectheneck]

Pick him up. 14 weeks old is too young to be left to cry.

[spacemanspliff]

babies don't learn 'bad habits' at 14 wks. go in to your baby if that is what you want to do. go back to your old routine, if you want.

[JamesAndTheGiantBanana]

Ok, that's sortof what I thought but I have a tendency to be a softy and I'm a bit clueless about all this- I didn't want to start off badly. So should I just go up and bf him or cuddle him til he's drowsy and put him back in his cot? Or should I just let him fall asleep on the boob then put him back?

What age do should I be trying to get him to go asleep on his own?

(I'll never leave him to cry if he's really upset anyway, the monitor is handy because I can see if he's just grumbling or genuinely upset- Claire Verity I aint!)

[jamila169]

It's not PFB syndrome to have your baby downstairs - all my 3 have done the same until about 9 months, I don't want to be running up and down stairs to feed/change/tuck in/generally reassure a baby when we could be downstairs with baby in carrycot asleep and me lolling on the sofa watching CSI until my bedtime

[Bectheneck]

There isn't really any 'should's with this kind of thing All babies are different. Some go down without a sound and sleep all night, some like to be held a lot.

Do what you feel comfortable with and follow your baby's cues. That probably sounds a bit vague but if you want him near you while you're still up then do it. You won't spoil him or get him into bad habits.

If you look on some of the sleep threads there may be some advice there about routines but I think (not sure at all) that any routine that involves 'controlled crying' shouldn't be attempted before 6 months - maybe older.

You'll probably find as well that routines can be upset if baby is poorly, teething etc so it's wise to be quite flexible. Again though, some mothers feel safer with a set routine. It all depends on what type of person you are and what your baby is like.

Hope that helps.

[spacemanspiff]

it depends entirely on what you want to do. can i suggest getting the book '3 in a bed'? it is by no means lentil weavery. all research based information on the social, cultural, historical and medical issues surrounding infant and adult sleep.

co-sleeping may not be for you but this book should be a must read for all new parents.

on a more practical note, you may also like 'the social baby' by the people who set up the anti 'bringing up baby' blog, the children's project website and the Downing street petition about those kinds of shows.

[nappyaddict]

i wouldn't let him fall asleep on the boob personally. i would feed/cuddle him til sleepy then put him in his cot so he learns to go to sleep by himself. it is ok for him to still be in his moses basket/carry cot downstairs if that is more convenient for you and then put that in his cot when you go up to bed yourselves.

[emmaagain]

just echoing upthread - follow baby's cues - they are likely to want to stay close.

And i like "Three in a Bed" too

[JamesAndTheGiantBanana]

Thanks folks! I wasn't sure if I was doing it all wrong. He has got a cold at the moment actually, although he's over the worst of it now we did have a couple of bad nights with him which I suppose has upset the way he was going in his cot with no fuss.

I like cosleeping but as he's getting bigger it's getting a bit of a squash (I'm rather overweight) and I end up sleeping in unnatural positions to try and give him and dp their space, and waking up all the time because one or both of them is fidgeting.

To be honest most nights he ends up in our bed after he wakes up because I always wonder if he's a bit cold, and he drops straight back off to sleep next to me. It's handy because he usually wakes up between 5am and 7am now and dp gets up at 7am so then baby and I get the bed to ourselves.

[spacemanspiff]

awww. keep rooming in after you go to bed. you may also find it a great excuse to invest in a bigger bed.