what to do? Friend claims her son is being bullied but actually he's the one doing the bullying.

[notsurewhattodo1]

Am a regular but have changed my name.

This may be long so please bear with me.

My friend?s ds is also my ds? best friend, and therefore I see them regularly. When he started preschool at 3, she had gone to them within a week to claim that he was being bullied. The preschool said they would keep a close eye on the situation but it seemed that it was always this boy getting into trouble for hitting/pushing other children and not the other way round. My friend was fuming, saying that her ds would never do that and that he was being made a victim etc etc. I?d never seen this child be violent towards others so tbh I wasn?t sure what to think.

Anyway the boys started reception in September and within weeks my friend was claiming again that her ds was being bullied. He started crying that he didn?t want to go to school, and instead of walking away and leaving him there my friend would cuddle him until the teacher said he had to come in, saying that it was obviously because of the bullies that he didn?t want to go in (bearing in mind these children are only 5.).

Anyway, a few days ago when we picked them up from school friend?s ds had a cut on his nose and a massive bump on his head. When quizzed about why he said that another child had pushed him and hit him and he?d fallen over but that none of the teachers had seen it. But when I asked my ds about it he said that x had stood in the playground and had hit his head against the wall until the TA had come over to ask why and to tell him to stop. This was relayed to my friend by the TA the next day but she was having none of it.

Then on Wednesday I was helping out in the other reception class, and was outside at breaktime. I saw friend?s ds pull a child across the playground by her hair and pin her against a wall. He was immediately put into time-out by the TA and had to forego the rest of his breaktime, and his mum was called in after school. She is in complete denial and says there?s no way he would havedone that,, not ever.

Thing is, This has led me more and more to believe that this child claiming to be bullied, is actually the one doing the bullying, but his mother won?t hear of it.

Also the incident of hitting his head against a wall to make a mark is somewhat disturbing for a 5 year old.

How can I talk to this mother? Her child is not a victim, he is a bully.

[notsurewhattodo1]

and just to add I'm not really so sure I want my ds to continue being friends with this child as my ds isn't at all a nasty child and I don't want this kind of behavior rubbing off on him.

[merryberry]

not sure either. but it won't be black v. white, victim v. bully. this friend of your son's needs help. sorry not much help, will mull over.