Help me sort out ds1's (almost 5) behaviour in public....

[popsycal]

Put it in parenting as it is probably more to do with how I deal with it, although he is being naughty...

ANyway - ds1 is nearly 5. Lively, exhausting and becoming increasingly cheeky.

An example: I have just been to a sports shop looking for something for me. I only take them when necessary as shopping is a real trigger - they are bored (understandably) so only keep it to short 5 or 10 minute visits when necessary.

We do the whole 'what I expect in the shops' routine before going in. Ds1 starts by kicking a ball. I ask him nicely could he put it back and stand next to the buggy. He ignores me and carries on. I ask again. He laughs and carries on. I then go and calmly remove the ball and put it back by which time he gets another ball and runs off. And so it continues.

Eventually he is holding the buggy uttering how horrible a mummy I am and he will smack my bottom later (I don't smack....). Then he 'accidently on purpose' knocks over a display of running shorts. I am still calm.

Eventually we get to the queue - been in the shop less than 10 minutes. Queue is huge. DS1 decides to do a horrid henry style 'ner ner ner ner ner' and starts hitting his bottom.

At which point I dump the stuff that I was going to buy, leave silently, strap them in the car and drive home.

That is just an example. He is not always like this but it is becoming increasingly common.

I try to avoid situation where it will trigger but sometimes it is essential and I also think at nearly 5, he needs to learn how to behave in situations which ARE boring and not geared around him iyswim.....

Any advice?

[popsycal]

oh yes...add to the fact that my sleep deprived brain is dying to scream and shout at him and lock him in his room!!!

[littlemissbossy]

As the parent of three boys I've been through this so many times. The problem is you've given in by dumping the stuff and going home, silent treatment or not, he ultimately got his own way. It's hard I know but don't give in, he'll learn eventually. You could always strap him in the buggy, behave like a baby get treated like a baby - might sound harsh but he'll only do that the one time

[littlemissbossy]

God I sound evil don't I??

[popsycal]

oh god he would LOVE to go in the buggy.

I know what you mean abot giving in.....if I hadn't though I would either have seriously lost my temper or burst into tear. I have had enough today

[Twinkie1]

Saw a lady at nursery the other day do a sort of naughty step whilst she was in the queue whilst waiting - she just held her kids hand for 5 minutes - didn't speak to him or make eye contact or move and he immediately calmed down - think this must be tried and tested with her as he knew what was coming immediately.

Am definately going to do it with DS when he is a bit older!!

[popsycal]

just to add....I am about to go and hunt out my copy of 'how to talk so kids will listen'....

[Twinkie1]

Told DH about that book - he said in a low voice with your nose pressed against theirs usually works!!!

[southeastastra]

i sometimes say to my ds(5) let's see if you can keep still for 30 seconds then count. counting gives him something to concentrate on and usually works. also if he won't get changed etc i count and we see if we can beat the record next time. does that make sense?

[popsycal]

we do all the counting stuff......
we did the getting down to his level and talking in a low voice
did 'see if you can hold the buggy for 20 seconds...then 30 etc' he did it then blurted and ran a few paces away

argh

[roisin]

Crikey popsy you sound an awful lot calmer than I was at that stage.

DS1 went through a stage of being awful in shops at about this age - and it is hard work when you have more than one child.

My policy was to stay as calm as possible , be consistent and fair, always praise them up if they were good, and occasionally buy them a little treat and for a period of time try and reduce the number of shopping expeditions to the bare minimum.

Another thing you can try is to talk to them beforehand: "Do you remember what happened last time? That made me very sad, and we weren't able to have rice pudding for tea because we'd run out of sugar. How did you feel? How should we behave in the shop today?"

Good luck!

[popsycal]

Just to report back. Took boys to book shop today next door to sports shop from yesterday - book fpr niece with chicken pox...

did roisin's little pep talk before hand

ds1 was GORGEOUS.
he has been all day

it is sooo to do with my mood/amount of sleep......

[purpleduck]

My daughter used to cry (the fake kind) if she had to walk anywhere (she was nearly 5). One day I had enough, and I started fake crying REALLY loud. Embarassed her. She stopped. Now doesn't do it. Ha Ha Ha!! (evil laugh)

[roisin]

Oh I'm so pleased you had a good outing.
Long may it continue.

My ds1 (almost 10) is normally utterly charming and delightful these days, but has been thoroughly unpleasant today

[TwirlyN]

your son has been taken by another form of life, you have been given a replacement, it is temporary. YOUR 5 year old will return within 2-5 days. This HAS happened to both my DS, we were very freaked. We had 2 boys that looked the same, however they were different, they did EVERYTHING they were asked, were EXTREMELY well behaved, had the best manners EVER and shared without arguing. Our 2 DS returned within 2 days. it was an amazing experience which we hope to go through again one day soon.

[roisin]

Popsy,
How's it going?
R