Change in dd's behaviour

[BibiThree]

DD id 2.5 and apart from the typical toddler tanrtums and things, has been a perfect child. She's completely textbook and just really, really nice ... until this week.

She's starting wetting herself (after being dry for about 2 months) and is being purposefully naughty and defiant which is not like her. I know what it's about, I'm having twins and this last fortnight all she's seen or heard has been about or for the babies, so I guess she's feeling left out, insecure and wanting attention. We've been off work so now has been the ideal time to move bedrooms, have big baby-related items delivered etc.

We're not treating her differently (I don't think) but we've considerably toned down the talk of babies now and made an effort to spend more time/attention than usual on her.

I'm just worried I've made my girl feel unloved and like she has to be naughty to get attention. Guilty doesn't come close to describing how I feel this week.

Will this pass? And how on earth will i cope when I've got newborn twins and physically cannot give her the attention she is used to?

[PetitFilou1]

You are doing the right things already. My ds completely regressed on his potty training after dd started crawling - it was a definite reaction to her getting on the move. I had to go back to taking him every two or three hours. After a couple of weeks he got fed up with this and learnt it was not the way to get my attention but it took a while before we were back on top of it completely. And no, you will not be able to give dd the attention she is used to after you've had two more children. You will all have to adapt but that's life to be fair isn't it! I dealt with it by making sure I gave ds particular attention when dd was asleep at lunchtime (obviously this was some way beyond the newborn stage but you get the idea)and doing an 'activity' with him that was very focused. This helped. Now they are 3 and 19 months they get on very well most of the time. I would say you need to give your dd at least a year to adapt completely to the change. She knows you love her, she's just testing you.

[BibiThree]

Thank you petitfilou, at least I don't feel completely cr*p now.

We are planning on getting her big sister presents from the babies and taking her shopping for school things as she'll be starting in October and will make a big fuss of her being such a big girl. I am just aware that she's got the babies coming and starting school within a few months of each other.

[PetitFilou1]

Well I'm no supermum, I learnt the hard way but really don't feel bad, this is normal. I have two friends whose children regressed on the potty training when their sibs were born - one whose ds used to stand in front of her while she b/f'd his brother saying 'look mummy I'm doing a wee' while he weed on the carpet in front of her .... As much as possible I would ignore the minor bad behaviour and up the praise (I say as much as possible ... )

[BibiThree]

We're currently biting our tongues when dd wees and trying to completely ignore it, just change her, no fuss and not scold or fuss. Hard though.

Doesn't help that MIL keeps telling her she's naughty and won't accept that she's not doing it to be naughty as such, she's just acting up.

[PetitFilou1]

Well I am with you holding your hand (virtually at least)! When she gets a bit bigger if she is still doing it a good tip is to transfer some of the responsibility to her re the accidents by making her put her own clean clothes on. My ds HATED this and quickly sussed out that it was more trouble for him than for me.