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worried about being older mother 43 and is 8 yrs too much of an age gap?

14 replies

LegsEleven · 05/03/2007 10:09

We've been trying for a 2nd baby for years and have recently come across the new break through in research called CGH which has apparently a 75% success rate. v new - still trialing in the UK but i'm going for it in the states. Now getting a bit worried - its been so long - do i really want to go through it all again at my age and suddenly the age gap means that they might be strangers.... help! don't know what to do now.....funny - be careful what you wish for and all that....

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northerner · 05/03/2007 10:12

8 years is not too much of an age gap. Age gaps disappear anyway when they both reach adult hood.

Don't worry and good luck

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Libra · 05/03/2007 10:16

I have nine years between my two boys. To be honest, at the moment they don't really play together (13 and 4) BUT DS1 is very caring of his younger brother, I think that it has given him a great experience watching us parent another child and DS2 adores him. I think that it will be great for them to have each other when they are grown up. DS1 is also a great help re things like babysitting, reading to DS2, etc. I am 41 and my husband is 50. Yes, it is exhausting but I think we probably do things differently to when DS1 was little - we were pretty old as parents then anyway so never really did the kicking the football about. We are more historic monuments and restaurants type of people.
I mean, we go to historic monuments, not we are them!!

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LegsEleven · 05/03/2007 11:53

Thaks - just what i needed to hear!! and yes always felt guilty about not kicking the ball around enough and taking DS1 to all manner of restaurants!!:-)

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misspiggy · 05/03/2007 12:33

It is a daunting thought about "going through it all again" isn't it?

DH and I have been having a v similar discussion recently. I have 2 DSs aged 17 and 11 from previous relationships so a BIG gap if we did have a baby plus I'm 42 and DH is 45.

We would love to have a child together but when we do the maths and realise that we'd be 60 and 63 when LO was ready to go off to Uni it feels like we've run out of time but this thread has made me wonder again....

Wishing you lots of luck with your trip to the States.

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Libra · 05/03/2007 13:40

Misspiggy - agree that the age at which we will finally get all the children out of the house is a daunting one. DH at least will be a pensioner by the time DS2 is at university. We will definitely not be like my parents, who took early retirement and have had a great time travelling the world.
I have to say though, when dealing with the faux cynacism of a teenager, a four year-old who just wants a cuddle is a great antidote!

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iris66 · 05/03/2007 13:45

go for it!! - there's 17 years between DD and DS and they adore one another and, as the previous poster said - age doesn't matter once they're adults. Just found out I'm pg again so there'll be a 19yr gap between DD and the next one! better to regret something you've done than regret not doing it
wanders off with newly pg vacant brain singing..."je ne regrette rien....."

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Piffle · 05/03/2007 13:46

I've got 9 yrs between ds and dd
It's bloody brilliant
She is 4 now and he is so much HELP

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cruisemum1 · 05/03/2007 13:59

my ds is 6mths, my dd is 9, I am 41 and dh is 51. It is haaarrrrddd work but lovely. .dd adores her baby brother more than I would have thought possible. I took 6 yrs to conceive and did so quite naturally adn completely unexpectedly as I had given up all hope. i wouldn't change a thing!

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Libra · 05/03/2007 14:00

Yes the help thing is great!! Much more useful than a DH sometimes!
DS2 was ill with an ear infection last week, so he fell asleep on my lap. DS1 came downstairs, looked at the situation and then went into the kitchen and cooked dinner. A bacon and mushroom risotto! And cleared up after himself. He came in for much praise. He said it was cool.

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fryalot · 05/03/2007 14:01

10 years between dd1 and dd2. She is a big help (when she wants to be) and I am so much more laid back about parenting second time round. It's hard work, but so much less worrying than with dd1.

Go for it!

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cruisemum1 · 05/03/2007 14:03

oh yes, the helping thing. dd is a mini-mum! far better at it all than dh! she has to tell him what to do . It has enhanced her life no end.

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inanidealworld · 05/03/2007 17:06

I'm 42 and while there isn't such an age gap, my kids are 4 and 9 months.
In your situation if you have always wanted a second and have found a possible way you should go for it. Give it one more shot.
So we are not exactly spring chickens but you are not ancient either. There are pros as well as cons(a bit less energy?) and as long as you remain young of mind and healthy there is no reason why both your children would not thrive with you as parents.
Good Luck!

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LegsEleven · 12/03/2007 10:29

Thanks for all your inputs - it was great at helping me sort issues out in my mind. Thanks and yes got fingers crossed!

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sideways · 12/03/2007 10:36

LegsEleven, go for it. I am ttc no. 2 and the age gap is getting bigger by the month.

Can you tell me more about this new research and how it works.

Are you in the States already or do you have to go over there?

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