Letting DD go on holiday with another family.

(14 Posts)
winteriscoming1 Tue 27-Sep-16 14:42:28

My DD was asked to go away to the Canaries next summer with her best friends family, all expenses paid. She is 8, her friends family only have one child, also 8. Our DD has never been abroad and we came to the conclusion that she was too young and considering that she has never been abroad before we wanted her first trip away to be with us. Also the mother of her best friend is a little bit too crazy for us. She likes to tell everyone how spontaneous she is and TBH I wouldn't feel happy my DD being under her influence for two weeks.
Anyway after we said that the answer was No, the mother went and asked the other friend in their little group who is from a more disadvantaged and unstable background. Her mother immediately said yes as she would never get the chance to take her on such an expensive holiday. The two girls are now naturally all excited about it, but my dd is the one on the outside feeling left out.
I havn't told her yet that she was invited but we said no and I don't know how to deal with it., It rips me apart seeing my dd upset, I know that the mother of the other girl is perfectly entitled to ask whoever she wants on holiday and the other mother make whatever decisions she wants concerning her dd. I think they are both being very irresponsible but maybe that's just me.
Just wondering if anyone else thinks that 8 is too young to go away with a friends family who you don't know very well at all. I just can't believe that the other mother is letting her child go when she has only met the girls mother outside the school gates.
Any views/advice.

Msqueen33 Tue 27-Sep-16 14:45:57

Mine is nearly 8 and no I probably wouldn't. Even more so if you don't trust the mother. I can understand why the other mother did if she may never have a chance again. I'd be on edge especially if it's hot and they're swimming a lot. I watch mine very closely in water and both are able to swimmers but I'm not sure I'd trust someone else to be as cautious. I would do the same as you.

iemma321q Tue 27-Sep-16 14:46:36

I would feel exactly the same as you put in that position. I really wouldn't want my 8 year old going abroad for two weeks with another family.

It's a tough call whether you should tell her that she was invited and you said no. On the one hand at least she would know she was asked first and that her friend really does value her friendship but on the other hand she really isn't going to be best pleased with you as 8 is too young to comprehend that you have her best interests at heart. What do you feel is best to do about telling her?

mumonahottinroof Tue 27-Sep-16 14:50:59

I let my nine year old go on holiday with a friend's family but I DID trust the mother and know her well.

It's a tricky one, can you plan your summer holiday to coincide and say the dates didn't work to your dd, or similar? She will find it hard to understand, otoh she may think 2 weeks is too long to be away from her family

Theimpossiblegirl Tue 27-Sep-16 14:56:32

DD had a similar invitation at the same age (Eurocamp in France). We declined and another girl went. They all had a great time, DD never knew she had been invited (also not fair to let the other girl know she was second choice) and we had a family holiday ourselves.

Now she is older I would be more relaxed about it, but 8 is quite young.

They will be excited and will talk about it. Could you take all 3 camping one weekend or to a caravan park for a group experience so they have that to chat about too?

winteriscoming1 Tue 27-Sep-16 15:00:14

At the moment I'm thinking of telling her that the other friend is going as her mum can't afford a foreign holiday whereas we will all go on one when our youngest is old enough to enjoy and remember it.
My dd is very kind and sweet so I know she'll understand this but there is nothing I can do to stop her feeling left out, then there will be the aftermath when they come back off holiday and tell her all about it.

NoMudNoLotus Tue 27-Sep-16 15:06:20

Why do you have to say anything ?

Certainly not on to say that the other girl is going because they can't afford family holidays.

NoMudNoLotus Tue 27-Sep-16 15:08:35

Your DD will start to have friendship heartaches now - it's impossible to shoulder her from them.

The far more important thing to do is to teach her resilience and other ways of coping with it all.

JayDot500 Tue 27-Sep-16 17:38:39

Whatever you say is likely to be repeated by your DD, so please don't tell her it's because the other girl is poor. That'd be awful.

RitchyBestingFace Tue 27-Sep-16 17:46:39

Please do not say that the other girl cannot afford it to your daughter!

You made the decision - one that i agree with - you need to be honest with her and accept you will be the bad guy in her eyes for a while.

wayway13 Tue 27-Sep-16 17:51:55

I thought this thread was going to be about a teenager! No, I wouldn't send an 8-year-old on holiday with another family even if the mum wasn't a bit crazy. I really think it is far too young and I wouldn't trust anyone to look after my child in those circumstances.

Orsono Tue 27-Sep-16 18:08:47

Don't tell her it's because the other family is poor, that's awful! It's a lie, and she'd be likely to repeat it and hurt the other girl.

I think you made the right decision. If it were me I'd probably tell her what actually happened and why you said no,but I'd say that both she and the second girl were invited and just leave out the fact that one was first choice and one second. It's hard and she may not fully understand, but it'll be easier in the long run to be able to talk about the actual situation openly.

gerbo Tue 27-Sep-16 18:16:35

I would explain it honestly to your dd - that you both felt she was just too young for this and it wasn't something your family agree with, as her safety and wellbeing is your top priority. And that would be it.

She may see you as the bad guys but every time she mentions it just repeat that it's not something you felt was appropriate quite yet, and that you will have a wonderful family summer together. Go straight to the positives of your family time together.

I have a dd9, and ds6 and would've said exactly the same as you. Probably best as pp said, to not mention financial situation the other family is in.

winteriscoming1 Wed 28-Sep-16 12:06:29

Thankyou everyone, Yes, you are right, I wont mention anything about the other girls mother not being able to afford a holiday like that, I will just stick to the truth, saves getting myself tied up in knots later on, which would happen, if she hates me for a while, then so be it, I guess it's something I'll have to get used to as the teenage years approach, there will probably be much more of it then. Thanks once again for making me see things clearly.

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