Is DS2 just slightly odd...or is there something more?(12 Posts)
Sorry, this is long.
DS2 is 3.5. Happily settled at pre-school and is going to Reception in September (all being well). Pre-school have flagged up a couple of issues with him:
- he only responds in 2/3 word sentences
- sometimes he answers questions with nonsense answers, i.e. 'what do you want to do, DS2?' Answer: "Daddy's gone to work!'
- he doesn't settle for story time but wanders around and does his own thing
After discussion with the preschool, I took him to the health visitor. She quizzed me pretty thoroughly about his behaviour and her conclusion was that he's probably just shy, he's probably quite bright and it's more of a personality issue than anything else. She asked me to check back in a couple of months and the preschool were happy that I do that too.
I wonder though. He is quite an odd child. It's quite hard to express just how he's odd, but he is. Gorgeous and affectionate though. Sometimes when he gets upset, it's almost as if he's acting it - as if he's pretending to be upset and then he makes himself upset. He's terrified (to the point of screaming) of dogs, for no reason. He shouts 'TRACCCTORRR! (at ear-bleeding levels) at passing tractors (we live in a rural part of the country). DH said the other day that he wondered whether DS2 was quite 'right' without exactly being able to put his finger on what was different about him. His language is not amazing for his age. Again, the health visitor didn't think it was a problem. He definitely speaks in long sentences and is a LOT more outgoing and extrovert with people he knows.
He used to have ferocious tantrums when he was about 18 months to, well, about a few months ago. So bad that people used to have to come to my aid. There have been a few moments when I've thought to myself "I can't cope with you." I have done, obviously, and those days now are few and far between. He used to be incredibly violent towards me, so much so that I found myself flinching whenever I picked him up. Even now, he's much better, but occasionally he'll hit or hurt some other child and come and tell me with a grin on his face. Of course, he gets told off and he does say sorry but it's not very pleasant.
On the other hand, preschool have absolutely no behavioural issues with him, he has a strong and loving relationship with his older brother and in some areas, he seems quite scarily bright. I bought him a wall frieze of numbers because he was starting to read the bus numbers. Within a day of it being on his wall, he was able to read all the numbers.
What do you wise vipers think? I don't know whether to seek a little bit more professional help or to accept that he's just very individual and see how we go.
Tbh I would err to the side of wait and see. There are endless possibilities but at such a young age it can be very difficult to detect a problem. As a parent you can be best judge though. Make a note of anything you see as not quite right, note everything over the next few months. If the results make you still feel the same then take your notes, and film anything out of the "norm", and take all proof with you. Ask the go for a referral if you still have concerns. Good luck
Have pre-school mentioned any referrals they would like to make?
There isn't really anything specific jumping out at me from what you have written.
I recently wondered about the nonsense answers to questions. DD2 is 3y4m and she would say "can you help me" and I would reply "with what?" and she would just repeat "can you help me". It feels like she doesn't know what I am asking or what a question is. So I googled, and apparently it is quite normal and is usually improved by age 4 or 5.
The tantrums could have been from frustration with not being able to communicate, especially if they are lessening now he is getting older.
With the wandering around at nursery...do you notice any issues with concentration at home? I only ask because DD1 has always had issues with concentration and now at 7 her teacher is saying she often flits between activities and finds it hard to settle at carpet time, BUT her preschool didn't flag up any concerns around that at all, even though I had felt from around a year old that she had really poor attention and concentration. So while it is worth noting, I am not sure that is a problem at this age. Obviously as he gets older that would be expected to improve, and I remember my DD1s P1 (Reception equivalent) teacher noting her poor concentration.
If he is bright, he could just be bored.
I would just keep an eye on it for now really. Not that I am in any way qualified, but that is what I would do in your shoes, and is what I am doing currently with some worries I have about my 3 yo.
MsDinosaur, no they haven't - they're happy for me to wait for the 3 month check up. To be honest, I'm of the opinion that he's fine - odd, but fine. But then I've got relatives who have children with special needs who are very resistant to the fact and I don't want to be one of those people. If he has additional needs then I'd rather he was seen sooner rather than later.
He comes from a very long line of creative people, on both sides of the family. He's always singing and telling 'jokes'. Perhaps, like most of us, he's just a bit... weird?
Liz, I think you're right. I'm not really concerned, not really. It's just - um - he's unusual. But lovely, too.
I'm not one to worry, but hindsight is a wonderful thing and it's a shame you can't have it in advance. With your child it's early days but you are right to keep an eye on your concerns. My son was quirky, just a goofball, but happy and not a problem. Turning 9 changed that. Hormones meant he went from happy to almost school phobic and scared of so many things Camhs couldn't help. I'm not saying the same will happen and please don't panic. Keep an eye on him. Like I said, log anything you find a concern and if you feel the same in a few months take it all as proof of your concerns. Sadly I'm too late, year 6 and approaching transition to huge comprehensive, not looking good. But you have time on your side. If there is something to worry about then your careful log of behaviour will help diagnosis, if not then it's no great loss. Diagnosis for less severe issues is much harder at a young age so waiting a few months to concerns won't make much difference in the long term.
I know what you mean about weird.
My two have their odd moments. But then, I think I am quite odd (and proud of it) and I like that they are individual.
I put a lot of DD1s issues down to personality though, and now at 7 we are waiting on assessment for a few things. I do think I pushed a lot of my concerns down because she was my first and I just wanted to let her be. But it sounds like you are aware and on top of it, and ready to take it further should the need arise.
And Liz, he will happily sit down and 'read' books at home which is what we do every night. He will even sit down and look at books himself quite happily for 20 minutes or so. That's why 95% of me is thinking he's absolutely fine. It's just the other 5%..
I would go with more professional help. I always think follow your instincts. He's not your first child and both of you have flags which may disappear as he grows. When my son was 3 I went back and forth with my thoughts, sometimes blaming myself or analysing everything I did. He's 6 now and doing great but he does have SEN. My son is not like yours just to clsrify and I'm not saying there's something there it's just that your post reminds me of my own thoughts when my son was 3. He was very verbal from an early age so he fell through the cracks and I felt like I was imagining things or over thinking things. Only when he was 5 did the school mention their concerns and I knew my instinct was right.
Thanks for all your replies, very helpful. I think I will pay for a private consultation with a speech and language therapist and see what/if any recommendations they have. I'll also log his behaviour so I can report more fully in the follow up appointment with the health visitor.
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