Second baby due in 8 weeks - why is my heaetbreaking for my first born?

(16 Posts)
milkyman Mon 08-Feb-16 21:23:00

My ds will be 3.5. I have had a lovely day with him, he is turning into a lovely, polite, considerate little boy and good company too (most of the time..) He knows his dd is coming soon but no idea how his little, one to one world is about to turn upside down. I don't want my relationship to change - I feel so sad that might heart breaks everytime I see him smile.

Mafiti Mon 08-Feb-16 21:32:07

I so feel your pain. The last few weeks with my daughter before her sister was born were bittersweet. She was so cute and I already missed her. The arrival of a sibling does bring with it major changes and there will be rough days. My daughter basically ignored me for the first 6 weeks of her sister's life. But she managed to adjust and found me there waiting for her when she was ready. I've found that her hurt still comes in little waves nine months on - she'll be fine for a while but then suddenly a storm cloud will appear (particularly when her little sister has learned a new skill). But the fundamentals of our relationship hasn't changed. We have rough days but also great ones. It's hard to stay patient but if you can find just a little bit of time each day that you can devote entirely to your eldest, it will help him through the transition and make you feel closer to him too. Good luck. X

Scarydinosaurs Mon 08-Feb-16 21:35:20

You're giving him an amazing gift: siblings bring so much joy, you cannot underestimate how wonderful that relationship is.

Smartiepants79 Mon 08-Feb-16 22:30:50

I have found that being a sister has shown me a whole new load of things to love about my firstborn.
Her patience and forbearance, her kindness and sharing.
Just tonight they were racing along to get where we were going DD1 was ahead and her little sister started to get upset that she couldn't catch up. DD1 stopped, started running on the spot, pretending to be running as hard as she could, she let her sister win. She is 5 and I just grabbed her and gave her a big kiss and told her what a lovely sister she is.
The relationship will change a bit but I wouldn't swap seeing the two of them together for anything.
Maybe try and focus on the long term positives and all your son will gain from having a sibling.
Keep stressing what a great brother he is, how lucky his sibling is to have him, how much the baby needs and loves him.
Oh, and cebeebies is your new best friend!

Wardrobespierre Mon 08-Feb-16 22:37:47

It's normal. When my water's broke and labour started with dc2, I crawled into bed with dd and sobbed while she slept. Those months and years with only one are such a privilege. You are closing the door on a chapter. You can only feel the loss and the weight of change.

Fear not though. You can't believe the joy of seeing your dc love each other. It's a new privilege.

And remember, you are taking nothing from your first baby. You don't dilute, split or share that love. It increases as you see your baby become a sibling.

You'll be just fine.

Wardrobespierre Mon 08-Feb-16 22:41:06

I did NOT put that apostrophe there. Bloody auto correct.

daluze Mon 08-Feb-16 22:48:53

Previous posters put it very nicely. My DS2 is nearly 6 months, and I still sometimes miss the ability to spend time with just DS1 (3 years old), and he did become daddy's boy now. But whenever we have one-to-one, it is so mu

daluze Mon 08-Feb-16 22:53:03

...so much fun, and I appreciate every minute. And adores his little brother, who in turns gives him largest smiles possible, my heart melts seeing them interact. Of course, there are some rougher days, but now I cannot imagine DS1 being a single child.

BikeRunSki Mon 08-Feb-16 22:59:14

I know exactly what you mean! 3 yrs and a month between DS and DD, now 7 and 4. It turns around though - I work part time, so twice a week DD (the younger child) and I have the day together, while DS is at school. I'll miss her in September when she goes to school...

Jackiebrambles Mon 08-Feb-16 23:02:52

I remember crying for my first born boy the night before my elcs to have his sister. My lovely boy who had all my attention.

So I totally understand!

He loves her so much, and she him though, it's lovely to see. I adore my sister, would do anything for her. I hope they have the same relationship when they are older!

waitingforsomething Tue 09-Feb-16 11:30:38

I cried buckets when I went into labour with DS. DD was 2.8 and couldn't imagine my life with anyone except my best little girl.
I can confirm that your love doubles and there is so much joy in seeing how they benefit and enjoy each other now DS is 7mo. She is so lovely with him and so happy to be a big sister.
I still sometimes miss a bit of time just with her but it's easily fixed- dh looks after DS and off we go for a swim/trip to the cafe/walk.

AFingerofFudge Tue 09-Feb-16 11:45:24

Not to trivialise your experience but I do think it is quite common. I remember leaving my house 13 years ago in labour leaving my little boy sitting watching telly being looked after by his grandparents. I was crying and apologising as I backed out the door (thankfully he was too busy watching telly to notice!) as I felt so guilty.
Now he is an amazing big brother with two siblings and it has enriched his life so much!

Pollyputhtekettleon Wed 10-Feb-16 16:59:22

You might be surprised how your firstborn actually responds. Mine (19mts with first sister and almost 3 with second) loved them from first moment. None if the jealousy people talk about.

Iwantakitchen Wed 10-Feb-16 17:05:49

I remember feeling similar and saying to dh: 'But DS 1 is my hole universe!' and DH said: 'your universe will just get bigger'. It's true, my love, time, kindness, etc towards DS1 didn't diminish when DS2 arrived, my heart simply found more love to give.

Iwantakitchen Wed 10-Feb-16 17:06:40

Whole universe, not hole universe! Bloody autocorrect.

luckiestgirlintheworld Wed 10-Feb-16 17:09:12

Oh god I felt exactly this for the first two weeks of my second born's life. I even started a thread about it here. It passes! (Thank god!)
You'll be a little team now. You don't have the same relationship with your first born, it's different but it's great. You and your team.

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