Testing the boundaries - do your kids go in phases, like mine?

[roisin]

We've always been pretty consistent with the boys (now 5 and 6) in explaining consquences of behaviour, and carrying it through if necessary. Sometimes it feels like we're really reaping the benefits, and their behaviour is pretty good. Then suddenly they start testing every boundary again, and it is exhausting. ... We've had a week of it constantly now, and I'm fed up.

Dh was out all day today, and I had to carry out three fairly serious threats that I didn't expect to: one was going home from the swimming pool because they were both being daft and were on a last chance (I've never had to do that before and we go swimming every week).

Aaarrrggghhh! Kids for sale - anyone want them?

[hmb]

Yes, they do it all the time, in my experience. At least, my two do,(7 and 4), and so do almost all of the teenagers I teach

It wears you out though, doesn't it? But I think that it gives them confidence to explore it you do set the boundaries. That way they know tat you will keep them safe and 'save themselves' from themselves IYSWIM.

[tiamaria]

Test boundaries?!! Yes, we've had those testing times in this household, too. Agree completely with hmb about them needing their parents to set the boundaries and stick to it. A friend told me to say that I'll count to three and they'd better stop/start/whatever by the count of three and that worked brilliantly. Now they're older I give them a last warning and then it's usually a day of no tv. I have to write it on the calendar, though, or I forget. Sorry, if this doesn't make sense, they're doing trumpet/cornet practise in the next room!

[lars]

My ds does this all the time and it has become a problem. I don't have any solutions but just remain consistant and hopefully they will get the message. I fully understand how frustrating this can be.They are seeing how far they can go- You can't blame them for trying!! My ds has a strong will power and can go and on and it really gets me down!! larsxx

[tigermoth]

yes, mine go through phases of testing the boundaries. As the age gap between my dss' is much bigger roisin, I don't usually get them both being naughty for the same reason at the same time and they don't have the same punishments either. It must really try you patience to have near identical rebellion from the two of them.

Personally I think it's good to step back and rethink the boundaries when they are being tested. Yes, your child is being bad, but are all the boundary details still appropriate? Children change and grow so quickly and life changes around them. Sometimes (not always) boundary testing has a real reason IMO, a reason your child hasn't articulated. And all the time their emotions are getting more complex IMO -they are feeling new feelings they can't put a name to, like being embarassed - so suddenly they kick up about some rules they were fine about in the past. It's a lot to untangle. Sometimes testing can open up negotiations and make boundary details seem more fair.

But not always, sometimes they are just little ***'s!

[roisin]

Hurray! We've had a great day today ... no boundary-testing, no threats had to be carried out, no screaming, no shouting

And yes, I have praised them ... about every half an hour in fact - I think they're getting bored of hearing how good they've been today!