Feisty 7 year old girl

[HexBramble]

I'd be grateful for some parenting advice please!

DD has just turned 7. She's a very loving, tactile and caring child but also very prone to cheekiness (much answering back) manipulation (well conditioned too - very angelic looking so has been put on pedastal by the older generation of my family despite my warnings), stubbornness and laziness.

She is the youngest of 3 girls and much older DD lives away but is a fabulous role model in every way, middle DD is 9 and quieter than DD(3). They squabble. A lot.

I am setting targets for both at the moment and need to know if I'm being unrealistic. These are the targets for DD3.

1. Properly make bed every morning.
   
2. To get dressed without complaining and without dawdling (I have to ask several times).
   
3. Hang her clothes/try to fold tidily instead of leaving them where they fall, stuffed into drawers or on radiator).
   
4. Keep bedroom tidy.
   
5. Be respectful to all, no cheek, kindness shown at all times.
   

I don't really know how to rewards/withdraw treats - she goes to a Gym club and swims every week, has no gadgets (although adores her Dads iPad), we don't have many friends over (I feel guilty about this - everyone else seems more sociable). Withdrawing fitness isn't what I want to do so I don't know how to reward/withdraw stuff.

Can someone point me in the right direction please. I don't want to squash the spirit in my feisty 7 year old but I do want to reinforce that she is indeed 7 and not 17!

[Bunbaker]

If you can get her to do all of those I take my hat off to you. DD is 15 and can't/won't do any of those in spite of being reminded umpteen times.

I would leave the bed out of this list though or ask her to do it after school. Beds that are made the minute someone gets up are damp and need to be aired for at least 20 minutes with the window open.

Everyone sweats at night and house dust mites thrive in damp mattresses and bedding. Old mattress are full of moisture. This is why it is important to air the bed every day.

[Lilaclily]

I'd just try the last two to be honest

By the way I like feisty!

[weaselwords]

I have such low standards I'd just go for number 5!

[coveredinsnot]

My son is 7 and we're really just working on the last one! We do ask him to put his clothes in the laundry basket though, but the rest is either done by us or left. We tidy his room together. I personally think 7 is quite young to be doing all that tidying etc but that's just my personal opinion and I know other parents who are much more focused on this.

I guess the main thing that stands out is that you don't know what she would find rewarding - this just seems a bit sad! What does she like? Does she value time with you, her sisters etc? Could you entice her with a reward of going out for cake with one/all of you for example, or a trip to the cinema, or something else? Have a chat with her and see what she would like as a reward for completing one of those tasks for a week. Pocket money?

[ohisay]

I'm going to say I agree with those as targets! My little girl is very similar in age and personality to yours and we have the same rules. Doesn't mean they're always followed, but we try,that's the point of targets isn't it!
We talk about why each task is important for her and our family as a whole. With the getting dressed thing, have you tried a timer so she has a clear boundary of how long she has?She may even see it as a challenge to win.
A reward chart still works with my daughter when we're in need of it, a tick or a sticker for each target, with a reward if enough are achieved by the end of the week (I have previously said for example of you get more than half your stars it's a magazine prize, get more than three quarters it's a toy, all your stars it's a day out.... This may not work for All children though as they may give up once the first 'level' is reached)
My best advice is to stay consistent and stick to your guns! It will become second nature to her eventually x

[HexBramble]

Thanks for your input, everyone. It all helps to hear others' perspectives.

Bun baker - excellent point. I'll scrap that one.

CoveredinSnot, thank you. Reading back my OP, it seems that way, but have been overcomplicating it I think. She loves a magazine, we have a local cake shop which she adores and a trip to the cinema with pick and mix added in would be heaven for her. I shall most definitely use these as staggered rewards.

That said, how do I separate my two DD's? If one doesn't earn enough stars, do they go without? Not buying them the magazine would be fine, but would you treat one to cake/cinema and leave the other at home?

[HexBramble]

Bump

[ffffffedup]

Well yes because what's the point in the reward if she's going to get it anyway without earning it. If seeing the other sister getting rewarded for doing good might spare them on to complete their tasks so they can enjoy the next reward

[Bulbasaur]

Growing up we had a reward box for good grades (which was subjective based on effort and where we were struggling). There were an assortment of items, with obvious goodies geared towards both me and DB's interests at the time. We also had coupons for date with mother/father, or a favor, or movie or something like that.

You could do that with little $5 gift cards to a story they like or something if they complete all their tasks for a week, or put bigger things in it for completing a months worth of tasks. So... 30 beds made, 30 clothes tidied, 30 good behaviors, etc...