Crèche - unhappy DD - unhappy mum

[tocmrpouce]

16 month old DD has been at crèche for almost 3 months. Previous to crèche she was with me almost all of the time. All seemed to going really well with crèche but the last couple of times I picked her up, I found her strapped into a bouncy chair on the other side of the room from the other children. She was visibly upset both times. I asked the staff what she was doing in the chair and they said was crying a lot and tired and that she got into the chair on her own accord.

DD's behaviour with me over the last couple of weeks has also been quite tough - she cries a lot and every time I stop her from doing something she has almighty tantrums and bashes her head on the floor/highchair/bed. Today when we got home I put her in the highchair for her dinner but as I was cleaning up the kitchen and getting other things ready, she threw all of her food on the floor and then bashed her head on the highchair, started wailing and I had to get her out of the chair.

I'm really upset about this. Going back to work was really hard for me but when I saw DD was settled into crèche I started enjoying my job but now I feel guilty. Everything seems to be going downhill. She seems to be craving attention from me and I don't seem to be able to give her enough which I feel terrible about. I do always seem to be in rush after work; we get home at about 5.30-6 and then need to have dinner, tidy up a bit, have a quick play, get the bath ready and then it's bed time.

I wonder if there is anything I can do. I was thinking about taking her swimming to the outdoor pool after crèche tomorrow so we have some fun together but I don't want to overtire her either. Feeling down at the moment and wonder if anyone has any advice or experience?

Thanks.

[tocmrpouce]

Bump...?

[helloelo]

Hi!
Crèche where I live is a nursery staffed with childcare professionals who should have a process for dealing with your DD adjustment to being away from you. Was this done properly? Has anything changed recently with them (i.e. her main caregiver at the crèche is away, they changed something, etc.) or you? I'd still get in touch with the team and have a chat about this. Could be a development step but I'm a bit at the idea of her isolating herself.

[tocmrpouce]

Thanks for your reply. Yes she went through the adaptation process and it was a hard at the beginning but everyone then said how amazed they were that she'd adapted so quickly. There is a new girl in the team but other than that there have been no changes.

[purplemurple1]

She sounds overtired to me. Mine will isolate himself and try to sleep when he is tired, although I'm not sure he could strap himslef into a chair.

How is her sleep at the moment, I know whne mine started (at 12 months) it took a while to work out what sleep and naps he needed. It is common for them to need more in the early days, but at 16 months once really settled we started having problems.

[Nolim]

Is she having enough sleep and food?
Can you change your routine so that evenings are more relaxed? Like cooking/tidying up in the morning?

[tocmrpouce]

Her sleep is good and (11 hours at night and 2-3 hours in the day). And she eats enough. Might try being one on one with her when she has her dinner but that is the perfect opportunity to get unload the dishwasher etc.! Mornings aren't possible.

Do you think the overtiredness can lead to the tantrums too?

[tocmrpouce]

I say that because she was a terrible sleeper previous to Creche but didn't behave like that. And she doesn't tantrum with her dad.

[purplemurple1]

Yes tiredness is the main cause of tantrums for ours although he can get to food by himself so maybe hunger would be an issue otherwise.

[tocmrpouce]

Well I don't think she's hungry. I really feel like she's not enjoying crèche and it's making me feel really down.

[NoMontagues]

Poor you OP

Sorry for the obvious question but any chance you could reduce your hours at work a bit and reduce your DD's days / hours at creche?

[Imlookingatboats]

My little one loved her sleep. But she never slept as long at daycare. Her moods suffered as a result.

When you pick her up, give her lots of quiet time and an early night.

It will get better. I remember,how hard it was. Take care.

[Littlef00t]

The tantrums are likely to be a developmental thing rather than crèche. My dd is also 16mo and its im constantly having to anticipate and control possible tantrum triggers.

If your dd was tired and overwhelmed at home or at a friends house, how would she react? Is it likely she's chosen to get into the chair as you mention, and they've obviously made her safe? I would have thought cuddles would be better, but I don't know your dd.

I wouldn't take her swimming, I'd just make sure I spend the rest of her waking time with her chilling out and doing what she wants.

Dd went from 3 split up day to 4 in a row and she was quite difficult for the first month, severely overtired, generally grumpy. She has improved.

[tocmrpouce]

Thanks for further replies. We've had a better couple of days. Did take her swimming as it's very hot here and it was nice to cool off. And she seemed to enjoy the one on one time. I can't reduce my hours anymore at work as I am already the first one to leave (have flexible arrangement) but what I will do is make sure I do leave bang on time. And try to anticipate the tantrum triggers! But they can be anything...

[caker]

I shortened my lunch break every day so I could leave work earlier on a couple of days a week, could that work? As it's still working the same number of hours. It has made such a difference for us.

[caker]

Forgot to say I already had a flexible working request to work fewer hours, but started the shorter lunch breaks about a month after going back to work, and it wasn't counted as a second flexible working request.

[tocmrpouce]

Thanks for the suggestion but that couldn't work, I already take the minimum lunch break to finish when I do. But I do have a 4 day week. Which means I get a whole day go myself with dd tomorrow and we're going to do lots of nice things. Hopefully things will get better, just feels frustrating and upsetting when things seemed to be going well and now aren't as good.

I also had a chat to the staff and they could sense I was worried so have tired to reassure me that for the most part, she has a great day. Just once 5 o'clock hits, she's had enough.

[gubbinsy]

We had a rough time with childminder and DS around 16-18 months - he'd been well settled before then just started crying a lot at drop off - coincided with some early waking which we thought was the problem but actually think it was developmental. Separation anxiety can kick in again around this age plus lots of development stupid. He's 20 months now and fine again with cm (although still got early waking!)

[knittingbee]

I had a reaction much like this from DS when I first put him in nursery, but he was 9 months. Every time I picked him up, he was in a playpen, isolated and howling. In my situation, it was the nursery at fault - they were plonking him in there and doing almost nothing but the bare minimum to entertain him and the nursery owner was a wicked old cow who employed idiots for a pittance so she could drive around in a fancy sports car. I moved him to an excellent childminder where he was one of no more than four or five children and he improved from day one. I wish I'd trusted my instincts from the start, as I feel I lost three months of his life there - I was barely given any info on what he did with his days.

Your crèche may be fab, but perhaps your DD would get on better with the much more homelike setting of a childminder? Would that help her feel more secure?

[TiedUpWithString]

It's horrid isn't it? When I went back to work when DD was 12 months, until she was well past 2 I'm afraid that evenings were boring affairs. Is she wasn't asleep by the time we got home, it would be v.quick meal with me ( I became a ninja at 10 min dinners fresh pasta was my friend, then bath, pjs, story, breastfeed and straight to bed. I would recommend saving the fun time for weekends (or when you have time off). If you can bear it, think About getting her up an hour earlier in the morning and having your fun then. Tell the crèche she may need an additional nap.

Have a look at the no-cry sleep solution. It's fab and its not just about sleeping!

[TiedUpWithString]

I agree with knitting bee. Childminder might be better.

[trilbydoll]

When DD first started nursery DH picked her up at 4.30 and she would be asleep in her car seat before he had reached the car park! So yes, she's probably shattered. She will get used to it, her stamina will improve