help and advice regarding DS's behaviour since his baby brother arrived!

[ihatelego]

Hi just wanted to ask for some advice on how best to handle and help my DS as his behaviour has changed a lot since we brought home his baby brother.

He's 5 years old and this is his first sibling so he's used to being an only child. At first he didn't take to his brother at all, was saying we didn't love him anymore (he mostly seemed to be bothered by his dad's attention) and we've left it to see if it would ease and it has in that respect in that he now will kiss his brother and be interested but his behaviour has changed dramatically.

His behaviour has become a mix of being extremely silly and challenging or sullen and withdrawn. He's also become argumentative, is lying a lot about silly things, is often unhappy to talk and is basically either very clingy or won't come near us. He's always been a good sleeper too but the last few days he's been an absolute nightmare to settle!

I know he's attention seeking and is probably feeling insecure. We've both been making an effort to have quality time with him and i've been trying to talk to him/cuddle him a lot but we're both finding it hard as of course it's when we're the most tired/stressed with the newborn that he's challenging and our patience can run quite thin.. then the guilt comes!

I'm assuming it's pretty normal for their behaviour to change when their lives change like this but would like to know how is best to deal/help him as sometimes I feel so awful and I don't want to get stuck in a downward spiral

[ihatelego]

anyone?

[silversixpence]

My DS was 4.5 when DD was born and also struggled with it. He found it frustrating as she cried a lot so I couldn't read him a bedtime story properly and was distracted with constant feeding etc.He even bit her finger and pinched her a few times which we were shocked by. I think we were expecting him to be more mature than he was at that age. He grew out of it within a few months.

[Misty9]

Oh you poor thing :( I'm afraid time really is the best healer in this case. My two are a bit closer in age and one year on we're starting to see a lot more jealousy (sorry) after initially quite a good reaction. But ds, then 2.7, was very angry with me for a while. I'd highly recommend checking out the website ahaparenting for advice - one pointer is to allow and voice negative feelings your ds may will have about his sibling, e.g. 'It's okay to wish your brother wasn't here; mummy still loves you and I understand it's hard for us all right now' or something like that. We have had particular success with the 'fix' game recommended on the website. (Basically you and your partner both chase, catch and release ds saying you need him more than your dh etc) but our situation was slightly different in that ds was very rejecting of me (he's always been a daddy's boy).

I also found I struggled when ds hurt the baby - it really brought out my inner lioness! But she's walking now so will be getting her own back soon :)

For now, go easy on all of you and do whatever you need to get through this stage. And congratulations!

[lexyloub]

My ds2 is 5 ds3 is just 9 weeks. Ds2 is playing Me up too, refusing to do anything he's told, refusing to get ready for school, shouting screaming kicking things, fake crying, refusing to do homework, not eating meals, bad attitude,punching & kicking other children I could go on.....
I'm fully aware it's all because he's jealous of his baby brother and having to share Mum & Dad with an extra person especially how he loved being the youngest. He does love his baby brother though he's always wanting to hold or kiss him & tries to make him smile.
Ds3 has fitted into the routine we already had so nothing has changed that way we still do all the things we did before. I've took him to soft play or the park or McDonald's just me and him try to give him 1-1 time but he still kicks off its as if nothing makes him happy I'm constantly on egg shells anticipating the next meltdown. I thought things would've settled down by now but it anything it's getting worse don't know how much more I can take.
Sorry that wasn't much help to you but at least your not alone hopefully someone will come along with a magic solution for us

[ihatelego]

thanks for your responses, hopefully its just a temporary thing but i'll check out that website and carry on trying to spend quality time with him, hang in there lexy no we're not alone parenting's hard at the best of times