Sick of my life!

[lhelneli]

I've been suffering from depression for 2 decades but have always managed to be able to put a fake smile on my face and carry on, but these day's I just can't do it anymore. For the last 2 years I can't bare being alone anymore, i'm always crying and feeling sorry for myself, I also feel so sorry for my 8 yr old son. I feel unable to go out, I certainly can't find work even though I am signed off from being able to work, I would love to be out there earning my own money. I can't find a job, (been looking solid for 21 months). My CV is like a blank sheet of paper so I tired enrolling for courses, with different companies and colleges, only to be told I can't get any qualifications because i'm not on the right benefit, or I am too old (i'm 35), or I can't get funding because I have been funded before many years ago but my ex-partner gambled away the money. I'm alone all of the time, I know I have my son, but it's not like I can have an adult conversation with him and he's always off doing his own thing, he also never wants to go anywhere so I can't even take him out for the day as the cheek and moaning I get, I just can't stand it. I never go anywhere I never seem to see my friends anymore as there always busy, I have no money to go anywhere, no one comes anywhere near me, i'm so painfully shy and flat broke as the child tax credits are taking money away saying I had an overpayment 6 years ago, which I disputed but didn't and can't win and i'm also paying back a social fund loan so that's another chunk of money gone per week, but I had no choice. My Carers allowance got knocked back, my GP won't help me as I've been through the mental health system before and now they just threaten that if things are that bad their going to get social services in. I am so fed up with everything I just feel like there's no future for me at all apart from washing and ironing, I can't take this anymore, I don't know what to do, there just seems no help anywhere, does anyone know what I can do? I don't know where to start with anything. I know I sound like a spoilt selfish person, but by god, am I sick to death or what

[ovumahead]

I'm so sorry you're having such an awful time. Maybe if you ask MN to repost your thread in Mental Health it might get more useful responses.

If you've been through the mental health system before, what help did you receive?

Why is getting social services involved a threat? They can be extremely helpful. They can support you and your family. They are very, very unlikely to take your child into care unless there are very serious concerns.

[BigSmilesCheesyPie]

Your doctor doesn't sound massively helpful...you don't have to stay with them, is there another surgery you could change too? I only ask because I changed doctors for similar reasons, within minuets of seeing my new doctor I was prescribed something that helped, it was a turning point tbh.

You don't sound like a spoilt selfish person, things sound tough for you right now.

[Kent1982]

Hi, I'm sure you have heard all this before but for many years I worked with people in a similar situation to you and I'm proud to say helped many back to work for the long term. Please please don't give in join the job clubs at the local childrens centres or libraries. Speak to jcp about support available keep trying and be open to the suggestions. Things will change for you if you keep at it as hard as it might seem now and as demotivating as it can get. Make plans, get in touch with people and friend and family don't put it off do it today. Organise some volunteer work maybe try a local school etc

I hope I don't seem patronising or like I'm not taking the situation seriously because I am. I've seen how things can turn around for people and from what you say you seem to have the motivation to make it.

[Guin1]

Volunteer work is one suggestion. It won't help your financial situation (although it might look good on a cv), but it could bring other benefits - new friends, self-esteem, a reason to get out of the house, adult conversation... You may even find something in which both you and your DS can get involved together. You can look online for suggestions in your area. Church groups may also provide support or just someone to talk to.

I really hope you can find some way of treating your depression, too. Find a GP who understands the condition. Sending and .

[Kent1982]

The volunteer system is great now, where we live we have voluntary actionxxxxxx (insert town name) and they coordinate it all to ensure they find you the most suitable placement that you will get something out of. They also make sure any out of pocket expenses get covered like travel if needed and lunch if your volunteering for more than a 4 hour period. I really rate this kind of thing and you could start with something minimal stress.