Yr2 DD difficulty in seeing friends outside of school

[TheSconeOfStone]

My DD1 never gets invited to people's houses to play and I'm wondering if I can do anything about this. She did start having problems with behaviour at school in foundation which was unexpected as she was fine at nursery. She communicates well, is bright, imaginative and friendly but has meltdowns when she can't cope in the classroom. Waiting for ASD pathway referral but been told not to expect a assessment, let alone a diagnosis for a long time.

Despite her behaviour she seems to be well liked by class mates and is keen to go to school. Always plays with school friends when we bump into them at the park. She has two very close friends but gets on with all of her class. She doesn't get invites home though. I sometimes have her best friend here. She is lovely and well mannered but her mum struggles as a lone parent and DD never gets an invite back. Her other best friend, mum always saying 'we must have your DD around for tea' but never happens. We do see a couple of other mums and their DC from school. We have lots of friends in other school we see in weekends and holidays but I'm not getting very far with school friendships.

Could be because I only pick up twice a week due to work, mums I get on with never have DC my DD clicks with, or maybe she is more odd than I think I am in denial?

I suffer from anxiety and had a shit time at school myself I wanted more for my DDs.

[Phoenixfrights]

I really doubt it's anything you're doing or is a consequence of your DD's potential SEN. It sounds a bit like the best friend's mum just doesn't have the time or energy for playdates. The other mum just sounds a bit flaky and disorganised.

I think only picking up a few times a week does have an impact - it's not something you can help and not something you should blame yourself for. I am in this position too and if I want DD to have playdates then I really have to push myself to fix them up, and I know other working mums feel the same as me as I've talked to them about it.

Who has told you not to expect an assessment for a long time? Is it the school?

[TheSconeOfStone]

Thank you for your post Phoenixfrights. I'm sure you are right but I get so anxious and totally over think stuff.

Told by child development centre to expect a long wait. Initial appointment with a consultant was last September. DD is on the waiting list and they expect her to start assessment this September. I went to the GP last April thinking ADD/ADHD but it may be ASD. School labelled her as naughty until I had the letter from the consultant. They are being more supportive now.

Once the nice weather comes along we will head to the park after school with other parents and kids. I will try and sort something out then.

[Newmummy1234]

How about arranging 'play dates' where you and dd go out with the other mum and her dd. just sounds like the other mum is a bit disorganised. I doubt it has anything to do with your DDs potential SEN. Make sure you keep in regular contact with DDs teacher to see how she is getting on with other children. Don't worry x

[NormHonal]

I also think you're overthinking.

My experience is that there were loads of play dates in years R and 1, as the children got to know each other. And parties too.

In year 2 IMES there were a lot fewer of both play dates and parties, and since then it's been more about swapping childcare favours.

[NormHonal]

IME not IMES. Stupid phone!

[ragged]

ime, if you aren't friendly with the other parents then they won't invite. They may well send their children to your house many dozens and dozens of times, but many won't invite back if they don't know you well personally. Even though they will bumble around at the end of the playdate at yours saying "Oh yes your DD should definitely come to ours sometime" which is especially frustrating to your child: they still won't invite back. I don't know why!

If you personally or your DD's possible SN was a concern, then the parents wouldn't even say yes to their DC coming around to yours.