How many times a week do you do "play dates"??

[Mandymoo]

Im worried as i dont have any friends (seriously) with children and am concerned DD (almost 4yr) will end up a social leper because of me.

She attends pre school every morning and in pm we cook, play, go to the park, read etc etc - i also have 4 month old ds.

As i a crap mum or can all of the social ettiquette wait until school?

[expatinscotland]

Never.

If she goes to nursery, that should be enough.

[Clary]

Have you tried chatting to any of the mums at pre-school when you wait to pick up?
Especially if yr dd is friendly with them and will go to the same school?
Or ask DD if she wants a pal round.

ATM we only do playdates on a Friday but that's because it's the only night none of the children do anything else lol (but we are at school and I have 3). When we were at pre-school stage and I wasn't working (ie when ds2 was a baby) we probably met someone once or twice a week. Adult chat is a great thing I find!

[Nemo1977]

At the moment dont do any as Ds is at playgroup 3 morning s a week and P+T one morning..more than enough socialising in my opinion. However he only started playgroup this month and before that I used to go out/ have people over 2 or 3 times a week. I wouldnt bother until she actively asks to have people over.

[madmarchhare]

I agree, nursery should be enough

[tissy]

about once a month if dd is lucky. She is at school now (4.5) and only ever saw one friend from nursery outside that setting. She got plenty of socialising at nursery, and TBH, my weekend time is too full to be having to watch over dd's friends all the time!

[HuwEdwards]

Oh yes, don't get into all that crap until absolutely unavoidable

[Mandymoo]

There are 6 other mums at DD's preschool and i have tried so so so many times to initiate conversation but its always met with a stunted reponse. Its very very cliquey and i really dont fit in (have honestly tried very hard to the point of crying!!!!!)

DD isnt a particularly "outgoing" or "sociable" child and doesnt have many close friends there so i dont really have a starting point to talk to any of the other mums about - most of the mums simply comment that dd is "very quiet" or "shy".

[Clary]

watch over friends???? You people are missing the point! The playdate is mummy's chance to sit down with the paper while the girls assemble polly pocket upstairs

(Maybe that's more of a 5yo thing but DD sometimes won't let me play with her!)

[MrsSpoon]

How many times "a week"! Never at nursery and about once or twice a term at School.

[Clary]

Sorry Mandymoo my tongue in cheek post crossed with yours.

Don't worry about it then. If DD is fine and you are OK I wouldn't bother too much. I did playdates at this age for my benefit as much as the children's.

[tissy]

quietly assembling Polly Pockets upstairs? Oh I wish it was like that! Dd and her "best friend" have recently started fights over which dvd to watch, argued over who was going to wear which dressing up clothes, ransacked our bedroom, happily mixed shampoo, conditioner, bubble bath and toothpaste in the bathroom basin (yes they are on a high shelf, but they climbed- friend is a lot taller than dd). They need watching!

[Clary]

Actually, maybe I am a bit mad then, we genuinely do have someone over most Fridays or one of the children goes to someone?s house. But in my defence I do have three children (only the youngest is not at school yet). I find it quite stress free actually but maybe I am talking from the happy bloom of summer when I just chuck em all in the garden. Hah! just I wait till we have a wet weather day.

But yes, DD (5) and a pal will happily play on their own. Yes, they may well leave dressing up stuff all over the floor but it?s usually a fight-free situation. DS1 had a pal over the other weekend and they seemed to have the most fun making a duvet tent between the two beds. I do also stage an activity as a rule - craft, painting, pizza making, biscuit icing, that kind of thing.

[sandyballs]

Hardly ever, it's hideous, took me 2 hours to clear up after the last one. Nicely behaved, well brought up children suddenly turn feral when dropped off at my house

[TaraPalmerTomkinsonsNose]

never

[TaraPalmerTomkinsonsNose]

thast nto true
they go out to play together
on oru cul de sac or on our local green

[Clary]

Aah sandyballs I saw your thread. I have to say that's not my usual experience but there is one of DS1's friends who's never darkening my door again lol.

[firemaiden]

MandyMoo - your children are exactly the same age as mine and we are in a very similar position. I am trying to initiate playdates since I notice all the other mums and their children seem to be meeting up but it is really hard work and certainly doesn't come naturally. I wish it was enough to let pre school do this but it doesn't seem to be where I am. You have my sympathy and I'm heartened to hear that someone else feels like I do. Sometimes it feels like everyone else has already teamed up (at 3 ffs!!).

[wanderingstar]

Mandymoo honestly don't worry about it; I'm sure your dd isn't ! if she's not angling to invite people over, there's plenty of time for all that in reception. I have 4; my ds1 and 2 started having playdates in reception I think, even though both had been to the nursery attached to their school. My dd is now 7, is an Autumn birthday so a bit more mature maybe. She had a friend over, or went to a friend's, about once per week or fortnight from about your dd's age, but i wouldn't have worried had she not. My ds3 has just started playgroup. He will be 3 in december and it will be a year at least before i even consider playdates for him !
With a 4m old ds , I'm sure you have enough on your plate, quite honestly.

[Mandymoo]

thanks guys - just seems like every other mum has a list of friends as long as their arms to arrange play dates with and then theres me with no friends at all!!!!!

Been beating myself up about it a bit as i feel im letting dd down by not being popular iyswim!

Firemaiden - dont suppose you live in Cornwall by any chance? We could meet up!!

[hulababy]

DD didn't do any with nurseryf riends during the week. We very occasionally met up with a couple of her nurseryf riends, as a family, at the park at weekend s- veryr arely thugh.

She did some play dates with friend's childrens but TBH mostly I was here as they were my friends too!

DD started school this month and is now having, on average 2 a week (one here, one elsewhere). Not sure if this will continue at this rate, or be more/less witht ime.

[hulababy]

Clary - I am with you on the involvement bit. When DD has a friend round, they go off and play. I am involved when they want feeding or a drink. Gives me chance to MN

[Mandymoo]

Just feel inadequate when every morning at preschool, the other mums are making arrangements to meet.

[hulababy]

I really wouldn't worry about it at nursery age.