3 year old getting in bed with us!

[comediewithme]

My DS has just started getting in to bed with us at around 1am. We put him back, but he gets back in at 3am, 6am etc.

He says he is scared to be alone and if me and Daddy sleep in the same bed, why does he have to sleep on his own (fair argument for a 3 year old I guess!) We have done lots of reassuring, staying with him till he falls asleep, rewarding if he stays in his bed all night etc and nothing has worked tbh.

I remember going through this myself at this age and my parents bought me a bedtime companion thing that was like a soft toy doll that would sing when you cuddled it and it really helped me. Do they still make something like that? Or should I just keep on with the other strategies?

Its heartbreaking when he says he doesnt want to be 'alone'.

[Efferlunt]

It's a personal thing I guess but we tend to let DS stay. I don't see the harm occassionally. He won't want to do it forever! But a soft toy will help if you can get him interested in one. Why not take him on a shopping trip to pick out a bed time toy he likes?

[umiaisha]

We have the same problem with our 3 year old DS. DD (now 8) was exactly the same.

Like Efferlunt, we just let him stay. Much easier that way and makes for a better nights sleep for all parties. In the winter months DP and I practically fought over having him on our side of the bed as he is like a little hot water bottle!

[longtallsally2]

Ds2 went to sleep in his own bed, but came into us every night at around 1am until he was about 8 - then it stopped almost overnight. I missed him - he was a very snuggly sleeper who lay very still, though. Probably couldn't have coped with a wiggler.

Your cuddly singing toy sounds lovely, and a good compromise, if you don't want him in with you

[kiki0202]

Ds does the same but with a normal double bed a 6ft 2 man and a child on the 91st centile it just doesn't work!

I bought a grow clock and Mr Star (on the clock) watches over him at night we also bought a toy hammock for above his bed for all his cuddly toys who also watch over him alone with 4 or 5 cuddly toys in bed.

[Theyaremysunshine]

DS 4 does this still now, though maybe one night in a week. When he was 3 he went through a phase of it being every night, which coincided with DD's arrival. I let him stay.

3 is actually v little to be in a dark room all by yourself. In many cultures (and not so long ago in our own too) it's far more normal to room share for many years.

DS has special toys in his bed, his special snuggly, a groclock and a Buddy lamp so he can turn the light on himself if he's scared. Would only have bought the lamp if we hadn't had a groclock first. We also use a tranquil turtle at bedtime and to settle at night now if he wakes and is happy to go back to his own bed. He loves this and finds it v comforting.

For a special toy you could try a Gloworm or a friend has one of these.

He will sleep again. then you forget the sleep deprivation just long enough to decide to do it all again with dc2 and then when they arrive you remember!

[QTPie]

DS (4.5) still does this, pretty much every night (at some time between midnight and 8am). But he comes in, goes straight back to sleep and is generally no trouble (occasional night is a bit too much fidgeting, but...). We have a 6ft wide bed and none of us are very big.

I remember doing it when I was young and it was just warm and reassuring. DS is a very confident, independent and happy child. I reason that he will grow out of it (hopefully before university!)

[comediewithme]

I don't mind him in with me at all, but DP is quite large and I am really worried that he will squish him. Often DP gets out of bed to make way for DS who is also very tall, but obviously DP is getting annoyed at sleeping on the sofa. Esp when the sofa doesnt actually accomodate half his legs belly!

He was such a good sleeper and then we had an attempted robbery which shook us all up (DP actually held the door shut against them while DS and I phoned the police) so I can totally understand why he's coming in to our bed again. We tried a gro-clock but it scared him more for some reason! Will definitely look in to the other options! Maybe I'll put a single bed in there so I can get in with him? Or is that a bit PFB?

[Pico2]

DD does this, but it never occurred to me that it is a problem. DD goes in phases and at the moment has changed to coming in at about 7am which sounds better, but she doesn't go back to sleep, whereas she used to sleep until 8am in our bed.

We have just trained DD to go to the loo before coming into us after an "incident".

[DontstepontheMomeRaths]

An attempted robbery? No wonder he's afraid. Have you thought of playtherapy to help him?

My two DCs are 5 and 7 and still climb in my bed when they have a bad dream or feel unwell. I don't mind at all. If you're worried about him being squashed can you buy a bigger bed or put a child's ready bed in with you. It may take time to get over his fear

Do you have security like ADT that brought me comfort in my parents large house as a child and teen.

[comediewithme]

A ready bed is a fantastic idea! I might go with that actually. Hadn't even considered that!

[Pico2]

I think that if we'd had an attempted robbery, I'd be putting DD into our bed, not even waiting for her to come into us!

[NickiFury]

why young children protest bedtime

This in interesting.

[comediewithme]

The robbery was 5 months ago though, so I don't think it's that now, it's habit. And it's not like we didnt do plenty of reassuring/cuddling etc. He's gone from staying in his room every night 7pm - 7am to this. I've bought a ready bed