Feeling overwhelmed

[Thatsnotmychicken]

Hi, I'm after some opinions/advice, I am currently feeling really overwhelmed and am not sure what to do to get through.

I have two DDs, 6 and 3, dd1 has issues that we are dealing with but she requires a lot of extra support and patience which I am finding especially hard to provide right now. I work three days a week at a fairly demanding job and am just finding it hard to keep up with everyday life. The washing for example is way out of control. There are piles of stuff in every room, our garden is shocking

I feel tired and headachey all the time. I have had an unsettled stomach for weeks and get indigestion all the time. My diet is shocking and exercise is just walking dd to school and back. I am overweight, none of my summer clothes fit and I have nothing to wear on our imminent holiday.

I feel like I don't want to do anything. I am managing to cook tea for everyone and we all manage clean clothes. I don't think my husband realises how bad I feel. I am afraid he thinks I am lazy and will not respect me for getting stressed out by stuff that most people manage on a daily basis.

I took two days off sick last week and am really tempted to go to the doctors and ask for some time off sick, I feel like I need space to process everything about my DD1 and get back on top of things but am afraid that everyone will think I'm a failure and that I'm not reliable. I am worried though I'll just sit at home and fester if I'm not at work. I don't have much holiday time and can't afford take unpaid leave.

Has anybody any ideas on what I should do?

[slightlyinsane]

often feel (usually daily) overwhelmed by it all. I too have clothes everywhere, cleaning to do and as for my garden after my drain issues I honestly don't know where to start. I have found sitting down is my worst enemy and try very hard not to do it. I have found using my phone one of my best motivators. I set an alarm for say half hrs time, stick on some music and try and workmy ass off till my aalarm goes off. Then I reward myself, with a coffee or something. The daysI'm doing well I may even hit snooze a couple of times before I stop. It helps just to break it down into small manageable slots of time rather than completion of a job as there's no way in hell I'd get all the washing done or any of the other things.
I'm sorry to hear your having problems with your dd and I don't know what to say to help you. Maybe having a couple of days off to try and get your mojo back would help. I find the state of the house reflects on my mood and ability to handle other things, it all just gets on top of me until I give in and can't be arsed doing anything.

I also fully believe my dh thinks I'm lazy, he has no idea what it takes to look after kids and a house. A recent example was last weekend where he took 3 of our kids away. I stayed home with the 7 wk old twins. I worked my ass off and got loads of washing done, upstairs and the kitchen looked really good. The day before he came home my drains became blocked and covered half the garden in sewage, when he got back the first thing he could say upon looking at the mess in the garden was why hadn't I done the gardening. We didn't speak properly for 2 days. Men can just be really crap.
Waffled a bit there, but one last thing to think about. Have you considered seeing your Dr to see what they can suggest to help you cope. Yrs back my dh went to see a counselor who helped him create some coping strategies. Maybe something to think about.

[purplemurple1]

Hi

Sorry to hear yoh are having a tough time. I really think you need to talk to your OH about the big picture - really explain how your days goes so he can start to understand why you a're feeling down and can't get on top of things. You do really sound like you need a break so if you go off sick you need to rest not clean non stop.

Could you he take a couple of days holiday and work on the house, or get a cleaner as a one off? If there is stuff to do after work you should both be doing it. Could you both agree a priority list of jobs and spend 30 min extra a night working on them, or agree one takes the kids out while the other does a big job at the weekend? I think it's important to create the list together so you aren't killing yourself doing something other people won't notice and so you are both responsible for the list being completed.

Is there any rest bite care you could get for dd1, or family that could help?

No one will think bad of you everyone (at least those with young kids) knows how hard it is to keep on top of things and if anything slides how much harder you have to work to catch up.

[KatyN]

I would consider asking for time off work.. Sick or leave. And make sure the children stick to their child care routine. Give yourself a day off to lie in bed and wallow, then get back on it.

Sick might be a better option if your gp would agree, then your dh might take it more seriously.

It will get better,

Kxx

[toomuchtooold]

Beware internet diagnoses etc but you sound like you might be a bit depressed. Worrying that people are going to think you're lazy, feeling like a failure - it sounds like the situation is getting you down to the point where you're seeing other people's perceptions as worse than they are. I don't think your DH will think you're lazy and if he does he's wrong. I'm in a similar situation to you but without the stress of your DD1's issues - I have 2 yo twins and work 3 days a week. Like you, I'm overweight and don't have time to exercise, I manage to get us all fed and we are clean but everything else goes by the wayside. I get really irritated with my DH who does things like getting rid of the gardener (I know how that sounds! We had a guy come round every month and mow the grass and cut the bushes back a bit) and wanting to go on holiday with the girls rather than just take some annual leave, leave them in nursery and have a couple of genuine days off. There's no slack in our system at all.

I would go to the GP and talk about the negative feelings you're having. I think it would be reasonable for them to sign you off with stress, particularly if they're aware of what's going on with your DD. It might be a way of getting your DH to see how things are as well.

I hope you get some relief!