This is my first post so apologies if i get the formatting wrong or have posted in the wrong topic.
What I would like is advice on whether or not to talk to my mother about abuse suffered years ago. My therapist suggested it might help with some of my feelings of anger but I think it would be crule and selfish of me.
To start with some background I come from a large family and we were brought up abroad in a very conservative country where, relationships, sex or even kissing was strictly a secret affair and certainly wasn't talked about to children. So by the time we moved back to England when i was thirteen I was probably as naive as you could get. , basically making me the absolute youngest in my year.
Just after my 14th birthday a boy at school asks me out and so began 2-3 years of mostly a sexually but sometimes mentally and physically abusive relationship that I had no idea was even wrong until the damage was done and it was too late.
I am now 28 and the fallout still haunts me. About 6 months ago I started seeing a Relate therapist because two years into a wonderful relationship my boyfriend and I still haven't been able to have sex, it breaks my heart. I have had other sexual relationships but I had to do a lot of pretending in thoes and I just didn't want to lie and pretend with this one.
But on to my question - for some reason I blame my mother for not equiping me enough to have delt with the situation and not creating the sort of mother daughter relationship where i could have gone to her about what was happening. I love her endlessly and she was a wonderful mother in so many other way but i feel she let me down.
As it was so long ago and it is still something i stuggle with my therapist wants me to think about telling my mohter, not about how i feel but about the abuse.
I am not a mother so I am asking you all, as parents do you think any good could come of talking to her or will it just fill her with guilt and bring her undue heartache?
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Abuse and opening up to my mother.
6 replies
Lotsofthingscantfly · 25/04/2014 22:56
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