3 year old tantrums have us at breaking point

[PourquoiTuGachesTaVie]

Ds is 3 and almost a week into the holidays he has pretty much broken dh and I with his constant whinging, screaming and crying.

From the second he wakes up if we don't do something he asks immediately or to his exact preference (which can change halfway through a task!) then the screaming starts.

He never just says "no" to something he doesn't want, instead he screams and cries and yells about it.

We employ the counting to 3 method which only occasionally works and if he doesn't calm down then he is put in his bedroom to calm down as it's the furthest point from us and we need time out too. Instead of calming down he can scream and cry for half and hour and often more. Nothing can calm him down.

He has always had tantrums like this from before a year old but it just seems like we can't make him happy anymore. For example, took him to a children's museum, lots to do, see and play with. His first response was to cry because the lady at the desk had to stamp his hand with ink and he decided he didn't like it (as if I could know he wouldn't like it!). This was followed by screaming tantrums everytime he thought something wasn't going his way. I hoped he would grow out if this eventually but it seems never ending.

I don't know what to do to calm him down! His response to everything is to scream and cry until he is exhausted. Help!

[Youcanneverhavetoomanybooks]

Our 3yo daughter went through a stage like this - once she screamed and cried for 45 mins straight and the only reason she stopped (instantly, I add!) was when I put my coat and hat on and told her I was going out now - "Where are you going mummy?" in totally normal voice.

She's now a lot better but still wants things to be exactly the way she wants them or she gets upset. It is a phase - just hoping it doesn't last much longer! I find preparing her for what is going to happen helps a lot - explaining the situation in detail and letting her ask questions. Also, being very firm and just walking away if he kicks off - e.g. - at the museum, if you took him in the car, returning to the car, plonking him inside and explaining that he would have to stay there until he had calmed down.

The tantrums do get better - she does still have them sometimes (usually when she's tired - bedtime is a trigger for us) but not as often as before. I also make sure I stay as calm as possible and my response varies from - "I can see you're upset about X - it is hard isn't it?" to "This is the way is it - you can scream and cry as much as you like but the answer is still X."

Good luck - this too shall pass...

[PourquoiTuGachesTaVie]

Thanks yes this too shall pass! Trying to remain calm is so hard at times. I swear that after sleep deprivation, the constant low level moaning of a young child, mingled with the occasional screech when they think you've managed to tune them out is the worst kind of torture there is!

[poshme]

I have a 3 yo. She is gradually phasing out tantrums FINALLY.
I've got to the point where I walk away. So - tantrum about clothes I just say well you get yourself dressed and walk out if the room.tantrum about food I say fine don't eat and walk away. Sometimes it works- she'd rather have my attention.
It will pass.
Eventually.

[TheCountessOlenska]

Mine improved massively at the 3.6 mark - still get the occasional meltdown but a delight 90% of the time
Trouble is i've now got a shrieking, moaning 12 month old

[Pagwatch]

Most toddlers tantrum and periods of tantrumming can be exhausting - they seem never ending but usually they pass.

When DS2 started tantrumming at 2 I thought I had lost my mind and was a dreadful parent because his tantrums felt constant and never ending. He would get upset about things like wanting a different plate. On holiday in France DH and I came home absoloutely shattered.
When I came back I gradually admitted to myself that I wasn't just tired and upset, I was worried. It all felt wrong somehow. I started reading up and eventually realised that the change of routine on holiday had highlighted that DS2 struggled with things not being quite as he wanted to. It turned out that he has ASD traits and sensory issues.

So my question is really, are you posting because you are knackered and want a shoulder to cry on or are you posting because you are feeling that something feels out of kilter.

I'm expecting you to say you need a shoulder but I thought I'd ask because I wish someone had asked me so I could admit I was a bit scared.