ZOMBIE THREAD ALERT: This thread hasn't been posted on for a while.
What do you HATE about being a parent? RANT AWAY(66 Posts)
So after my husband and i got married, we decided (yes WE decided) to try for a baby. After several months, we got lucky and 8 months ago i gave birth to a lovely lil boy and so we had our family. Most times are good and my husband is a doting father yet he complains MOST of the time. His sex drive is almost non existent now and he is always complaining about the lack of time since we had our lil one -YET I am the one that does most of the tasks but haven't reminded him that fact (yet!) Why didn't anyone tell me that when you have a baby, your husband turns into a complaining SOB that you just wanna bitch slap sometimes!!! Arrrrggghh
stressbucket my dp does that too and it's so annoying! (Pretending to be ill when I am to avoid having to take on the dcs). I have to be literally throwing up before he accepts that maybe my illness trumps his
completely made up one.
And his comeback when I moan at him for it is 'well you seem to be managing fine, you can't be that ill'. Grrrr!
I hate not being invited to stuff because i have a child. And i hate myself for not having the guts to say it upsets me. I would still like to go to the cinema with you you bunch of thoughtless slags!
I hate HATE the way . My gorgeous p
PLANNED children play up to the high hills 4/7 days a week making my day a bloody misery but I spend 7 nights a week feeling guilty for the way I handled it .
I hate the sleep deprivation. I hate what it has done to me. I hate that I never have energy. I hate the impact it has had on our relationship.
I also hate hate hate to see my baby in pain. I can't bear it.
I agree bed sheet, my dsd was obviously part of the package when I got together with DP, so in many ways I chose to take her on.
And now she's getting hormonal and that combines with her ld leads to argument upon argument whenever she is asked to do something and floods of tears when she is told off or if she thinks she is misunderstood (ie if I tell her to stop running and she doesn't so I tell her off and she's like but I was going to stop in 1 minute and I say but I asked you to stop and then she's like but I decided to stop in one minute etc etc) and then I end up getting mad or not dealing with the situation in the best way especially as im pregnant and stressed and emotional, then I feel guilty as she's always being told off when she's not trying to be naughty she just isn't behaving!
The relentlessness of it. No down time. Cannot fall ill. Always doing something, taking care of everything on top of work. Cannot retire early.
Nirishma it sounds tough in your house. I hope things change.
I hate all the constant crying whining and whinging. It makes my ears hurt so bad. Can't stand it. It's unbearable.
The sound of my own voice by the end of the day.
The lack of spontaneity.
Holidays - same shit different view is spot on.
Friends who don't have kids who just don't get it. Today we got invited about twenty minutes ago to the pub to watch the grand national - great but said pub doesn't let kids in an anyway they're 2.5 and get really bored (I need to caveat this by saying I was exactly the same but it still makes me mad).
The fact that kids wreck things. My 2yo has now just pulled a couple of keys off my beloved Macbook and broken them. The damn thing is old enough but we can't afford to replace it any time soon so I look after it like a baby. Then she comes along and does things like that
I miss going out with my childless friends (weekends away etc..) I HATE the whinging and the fact that now as soon as DDs are annoyed about the tiniest thing I tell them to stop whinging even if what they have to say is valid. That you take them places you don't want to go because you think it will be nice for them and all they do is complain about it. And DH has always said he'd love to swap places with me but that's bullshit as he'd lose the plot with them every five minutes since they can be so annoying.
Having said that I adore being a mum much more than it annoys me, but there are things I'd very definitely change if I had a magic wand.
I hate tantrums (and having to deal with them calmly and sensibly when all I want to do is scream back at DD!!), I hate days that start before 7am, which is most of them in my case, I hate not being able to go to the toilet on my own, and if I do I hate the sound of the shouting and banging on the door outside!!
Otherwise, I like it - I like growing a baby into a person and seeing their little personality develop. I have to say my DP has not behaved the way your DH has. He complains very little, and helps as much as he can around a long work day. He gives me a bit of 'me' time at my request, and I do the same for him. If he did start complaining with frequency I'd say something to him, especially if I was doing the bulk of the work. I think you should do this, he needs to know that he isn't being very helpful - 8 month old babies are hard work for most.
I hate feeling constantly tired, even when I go to bed early I'm still the tired the next day! I hate how my body has changed. I hate no lay ins on a Sunday. I hate changing pooey nappies!
Why did we do this again??? [:-)]
Nope can't do a smiley face!!
I hate that you have to get up and GO. I do not operate well for that first half an hour. I am know thanking god that DC is old enough to actually sit still and watch telly so I can put it on for twenty minutes first thing while I try and prise my eyes open.
Also the repetitive nature of the little things like lunchboxes.
I also realised that I haven't had a lie in since Christmas <insert self-pity icon here>. It's not particularly a problem as DC sleeps very well at the moment so I get my 8 hours. But after several months I could kill for just one morning where I get to go back to bed with a coffee and a book!
Millie you don't need brackets around it unless you're typing the word out
Thurlow I definitely agree and yes, that moment is fantastic.
The waste. DS is 21 and still demanding attention like a 10 year old. Still rebelling. Still jealous of DD. DD is 17, still entitled.
Have helped and given them every possible thing we could think of. Have given up.
Sick of 21 wasted years of life and energy and money and all I neglected on the way to my ultimate role as the family scapegoat.
The thing I hate is not being able to put my baby (5mo) down for longer than about 5 minutes without her whinging, steadily progressing to screaming. Raaaahh! At least I have good arm muscles now.
I hate the relentlessness of it, that DS simply has no awareness of my needs (obviously, he is only 16 months). When I'm ill, or having a bad PND day, or if I'm bone achingly tired, he just carried on regardless and there are some days I feel I just can't do it anymore
OP - are you complaining that his sex drive has gone down, or is he? I'm no expert but I imagine it's pretty common. Being a parent is knackering sometimes, and when your kids are still wee they take up so much of your time, whether it's looking after them or all the extra house chores that come with them. I'm always surprised when I read on Mumsnet that people have gotten pregnant a few months after having a baby
or even in the first year because I think "where do they find the time??! How are they even interested in having sex?!". Also, OP, things get easier the older they get and the exhaustion doesn't last forever.
If we're ranting about the worst things about being a parent, my gripes would be -
1. Being ill - gone are the days when you hole up in bed or on the couch to rest and get better. You just have to struggle on. Those are really the worst.
2. (in the early days) the sheer relentlessness of it. How you somehow achieve absolutely nothing all day, but have been kept busy doing god knows what
3. That we miss out on lots of nights out and other fun things that we used to do. We don't go out as often as a couple, if we are going out, it's often separately
4. that you feel guilty moaning about these type of things
I must be mad getting pregnant again!
I mostly love being a parent, but one thing that drives me mad is the way that no matter how petty, argumentative, stubborn, rude, obstructive and violent my 3yo can be on occasion, I have to try to rise above it, be the sensible grown up, and not throw a tantrum myself. And that if I do snap and shout, cry or flounce out, I have to show a good example and apologise for my behaviour first! Aaaarrrrrggghhh!
Oooh, that felt good
I hate the fact it's like a military operation just to get out of the bloody house. Gone are the days when I could just grab my car keys, phone and bank card and be out in less than a min.
I love my 13mo DS with all my heart and am 8wks pg with DC2 but if I'm honest, I preferred my life before him.
Of course at the time I was just desperate for kids, so the grass is always greener it would seem.
I guess that's just human nature. I enjoy spending time with DC and I still LOVE stuff like petting zoos, theme parks, water parks, treasure hunts etc - all older kid stuff - so I expect I will enjoy life much more when DS and his future sibling are 3+.
Although I'm not looking forward to them answering back
When dd was younger, it was the mind-numbing isolation. When slightly older, the school-gate competitiveness. Now it's being the default taxi service, and the hanging round playing fields watching dd having all the fun and pretending to be interested. And the school angst. I've never got why parents get their knickers in a twist so much about how their darlings are progressing or otherwise at school. There are high points, obviously, but generally soul-destroying, energy-sapping, unpaid grunt work.
The ever present responsibility sometimes feels like a huge weight for me. I also hate feeling that I've been an awful mum when I've snapped at my two year old (pregnant and ratty) and, more than anything, I hate that I'm about to turn his world upside down with a new baby. I will so much miss our one on one time together and part of me doesn't want a thing to change. Our bond is so strong and the thought of not having time for him and seeing that reflected in his eyes is bloody awful.
Did anyone else feel like that before number two arrived? Think hormones are playing a part in all this at the moment.
Join the discussion
Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.Register now
Already registered with Mumsnet? Log in to leave your comment or alternatively, sign in with Facebook or Google.
Please login first.