4 month old baby - crying all the time and won't sleep at all during the day

[cloudberry]

My ds is 4 months old and was diagnosed with reflux at about 9 weeks by a cranio-sacral therapist who has helped him enormously. However he still cries and cries for most of the day unless he is held. I'm not one of those people who can just leave him to cry - it breaks my heart to hear him. He doesn't sleep at all during the day, at the most it'll be 10 minutes if I'm lucky. I can't put him dowm in his cot, he just kicks off immediately. Sometimes going for a walk in the pram will send him off but as I said it doesn't last. He seems to feeding about every 2 hours and I'm very aware that quite often I feed him to keep him quiet. He is also scratching his head till it bleeds whenever he gets agitated. Unless he's wearing gloves I have to rush to pick him up as soon as he looks like he's going to cry otherwise he lacerates his head. I find myself spending all day with him which would be fine except that I also have a 20 month old dd who is getting really sidelined by all this which makes me feelabsolutely racked with guilt.
I don't really know why I'm writing this. I'm feeling quite at the end of my tether, just want to curl up and hide and wish they'd all disappear. Again, I'm lucky that he is very good at night, but knowing that does't make it any easier to deal during the day when it just seems relentless and I feel like howling. I just wondered if anyone else has had a similar experience and if so when does it get better? My dd was very easy so it's come as a bit of a shock this time round.

[hairymclary]

cloudberry, have you thought about using a sling? It would help keep your ds in an upright position, which may help with the reflux and he would also be nice and close to you, and it leaves you with hands free to do everything else.

have a look here

[Peggotty]

Hi Cloudberry, your poor DS sounds like he's still in pain.
Is he having any other treatment for reflux? My DD had reflux and was most unsettled during the day but slept well at night too. Have you tried propping up his cot/moses basket, or carrying him around with you in a sling so he is more upright?
My dd had to have medication in the end which helped. Is he a 'sicky' refluxer or 'silent' i.e no puke but lots of acid coming up and down his aesophagus? Reflux is an absolute bugger - it ruined what should have been the special first few months of mine & dd's time together.

[LaDiDaDi]

It sounds like you are having a hard time, my dd was similar, always wanted to be held, but she loves her coorie sling and sleeps in that during the day leaving me hands free to do whatever I fancy . Honestly the best £22 spent!

[USAUKMum]

Sorry are having it so rough. It is a bugger isn't it. My DS also cried from 8am - 8pm at the time my DD was 3yrs so it was easier to explain to her. My DS got better with the crying around 18 wks, it got better again, when he could sit up and vanished when he could crawl. I think part of his problem was that he was so frustrated he couldn't do anything ! Good luck!

ps on the good side I lost 30lbs between carrying him and feeding him

[rickshaw]

I would really recommend a sling for this - my dd cried all the time and wouldn't sleep (there are various desperate posts from me on this topic in the archive!). Someone on mumsnet told me to get a Kangaroo Korner Adjustable Fleece Pouch and I did - best thing I ever did.

It was the worst period of my life though, so you have my sympathies.

[trotskymow]

hi cloudberry,

Sling is a great idea, but also wondered do you raise his mattress at all when you put him down to sleep in the cot? That might help as well as it sounds like he's hurting from the reflux. I saw one of the Baby Whisperer programmes on tv once and Tracy Hogg had a special mattress that kept the baby's head higher up so that the reflux wasn't so bad.

Poor you, and DD and DS. do you have any help at home from rellies or friends to give you a bit of a break? Take care.

[cloudberry]

Thanks everyone. He's a silent refluxer, and yes I got a sling, a Didymos, when he was about a month old which helped a lot though I didn't know it was reflux at the time. I really only use it now if I go out, either shopping or for a walk - dd goes in the pushchair and ds in the sling. I stopped using it in the house when it got so hot as we both boiled. I actually bought a Calin Bleu one for the thinner fabric but still find it hot to wear. I also found it was stil quite hampering despite having both hands free and as I work from home I thought I could get more done without carrying him. Having said that, what am I getting done when he cries all the time and wants to be held .....? So thanks for reminding me of them. I did try a sling sling (can't think of the name now) rather than a wrap sling to begin with but we couldn't get on with it. I've got another appointment with the Cranial-Sacro therapist as the health visitor last week said she thought he was very jerky and was perhaps still suffering from reflux. I fined it so hard to know what is actually wrong. I think now a big part of his problem is that he gets absolutely exhausted but doesn't know how to sleep or stay asleep. This morning I saw him yawning and rubbing his eyes and thought Aha, now I'll put you down, and 3/4s of an hour later gave up as every time I put him down he started screaming and every time I picked him up he quietened down. So he's hardly had any sleep today, and has cluster fed like a mad thing this evening. I am incredibly lucky as I have a fab au pair who has been helping over the summer. She plays with dd a lot while I'm struggling with ds and has helped holding ds in the evening so I can get the supper etc in between being the milk machine! I have been thinking about raising the mattress over the last few days and will now go and do it - thanks trotskymow. I hate feeling so helpless when he's obviously so uncomfortable and as I said before, it's really getting me down particularly when I feel tired. Anyone have any suggestions about the head scratching too?

[hairymclary]

I definitely thinik that the sling is worth another go, especially as the weather is cooling down a bit now! You may also find that he sleeps in the sling too and doesn't get so overtired and frustrated.

As for the head scratching, my ds did this too and it was really a case of scratch mittens the whole time, even in summer

[Mum2FunkyDude]

I don't have first hand exp, but my brother's dd had reflux, she spend her first 3 months sleeping in the car seat because nothing else would do, if they went for a drive and she fell asleep, he was absolutely terrified of taking her out of the seat and just left her in it. I know it's not good for posture etc. but babies need to sleep. I know 2 yellow pages stacked under the cot matress helped too.

[hettytucker]

i feel for you cloud as i have a 4 mo dd and 24mo ds - dd has been a terrible scratcher and i kept cutting her nails and used mitts as long as i could but prob has stopped v recently by itself. dd also was very unsettled and cried to be held (only by me) so put her in wilkinet carrier as much as i could and let house turn into tip! she has settled down much better recently and cluster feeds in eve so wakes slightly less at night - i remember from ds that a lot of problems simply resolve themselves with time and get as much help as you can with everything else... good luck

[KellyMacplus2]

Hi Cloudberry

Following endless searches on MN, I found you!

Hope you are well and your gorgeous DS and DD are looking after you (and the DH too!).

Don't know if I told you my DS2 had suspected reflux and raising his matress helped so much. He had the sicky version, projectile vom everywhere!!

See you in the week.

xx

[kbaby]

I have no advice to add sorry but just wanted to tell you that my DS is 4 weeks old and exactly the same as yours. I also have a 26 month old and feel the same as you. My DS cries most of the day and I cant lay him down as he kicks off the minute we try.
We have found today that hes a lot better if we leave him propped up on the settee. Not easy with a toddler about but may be worth a try.

[tortoiseshell]

Hi,sorry you're having a bad time. I have a few friends who've found the Baby whisperer book particularly helpful on reflux (Tracy HOgg), hope things improve soon.

[habbymum]

I had a similar pattern with my little boy now nearly 12 months. White noise helped him, sitting him in front of the washer/ hoovering.I also found he settled better if I put him on his front to sleep.I did this in the day when I could see him, checked him regularly as I found he was so uncomfortable on his back Bathing him in the day also seemed to make him happier as i think the water helped his discomfort.I was at the end of my tether as I had a 20 mth old and I really wanted a settled baby, (don't we all). I felt I had an unhappy grizzle bag. I must say he is now a sunny happy natured little boy such a contrast.The continual crying gradually reduced and as he began to crawl he was much better. I think he crawled early as he was often on his frontWe had lots of difficulty bringing up wind. Weaning was gradual because of this. We had Cranial Osteopath that did help. I know his head scratching was awful but I was prescribed Double base cream that helped. I breast fed but my little one was worse after breast feeds, he was in the end lactose intolerant. Heartbreaking for me I had to give up Breast feeding as he was so bad after feeds.Tried prescribed enfamil, but still hard to digest.I had really been careful with my diet put him on omneo comfort formula, much improved within days, may not be the answer for you, but was for me. Hope that helps. Good luck I know how hard it is to have an unsettled baby x

[kbaby]

habbymum - just a quick question. how did you find out that your lo was lactose intolerant

[habbymum]

Hi thro discussion with homeopath and by monitoring how he was after each feed. No intrusive tests and nothing through General medicine. Plus the instinct that the milk from me was making him ill

[cloudberry]

Just under a month on, I'm really happy to report that things are getting better, except that he seems to have swopped from daytime disturbance to nighttime!! It's really nice to read other peoples' experiences and to realise that I'm not the only one with a "difficult" baby! I've borrowed a book on fussy babies by Dr Sears which has been very interesting and has helped how I feel about it all. Thankfully the reflux seems to have gone - I took him back to the cranial osteopath who said he couldn't feel any sign of it any more. I feel more accepting of the fact that each baby is an individual. I hope the worst is over and I know that sooner than I can imagine it will see like a bad memory, until the next one ..!

Hey KMacplus2, can't believe you went on looking...! Told you it'd be easy to spot!! I don't think you did tell me about ds2's reflux - that's interesting given how good he is now. I'll probably see you before you read this. xx

[kbaby]

habbymum- what signs did he show after feeding. im probably grasping at straws but both my dd and now ds were v collicky babies, really unsettled with what apears to be v bad wind. after i feed ds he screams, arches his back, goes rigid or frantically kicks and punches. it can take ages to calm him down. im beginning to think that maybe its bf that isnt agreeing with him although ive been told this is v rare and unlikely but hes just so miserable i cant even put him down. he was fine for the 1st 2 weeks..

did your lo except cows milk ok when he was older because has that got lactose in.

[habbymum]

kbaby, I had previously breast fed first born with no probs. Number two was awful after feeds. He would feed for a very short time, never seem comfortable on the breast and turn away after 2minutes. He began this after 3-4 weeks of being born. First few weeks he fed well and gained weight. By 6weeks he began dropping weight centiles rapidly, started at birth on 91st ended being on the 50th at 4 months old. Cried loads, didn't seem to be able to pass wind through his bottom end. Lots of back arching, legs to chest.He would vomit most of his feeds. Went bolistic when put in baby car seat as if the positioning was unbearable for him. He was only 8 weeks old at this point. He also developed some eczema on his face. At 3 months came out in a mystery all over body rash that needed admission to hospital, no real explaination other than virus.I felt my breast milk was making him ill. I read about how breast milk had high lactose and could only think this could be the problem. I must be clear that I really believe breast is best and didn't want to give up feeding.This was certainly not a cop out as I loathed all the sterilising plus finding the right formula was another headache. Dayfeeding was so limited as he really would not breast feed. He would feed in the night but seemed more relaxed, he still however would not settle after feeds.
I needed to wean him slowly and avoided dairy products. I did on HV advice try him on From. Frais at 6mths, he had tummy ache and didn't sleep when I tried it. All medics seemed to treat me as over concerned, but I knew he was so sensitive to my milk. Thankfully as he has got older and moving ( I do feel moving helps the whole digestive process) he is much improved. I've managed to put him on cow's milk slowly with no ill effects. Some reading will think arrh not true intolerance, but from my view it was! I had a fractious baby who has now become a happy chappy.I think he had a sensitive underdeveloped digestive system as an infant but this has improved as he's got older. Hope that helps, but main key point you know your baby best!