Looking for some advice here. DS is 11 weeks old now and we're still in survival mode. The main problems are that DS needs a lot of help to sleep- walking round in the pram, rocking, letting him suck my finger, feed to sleep, etc, which is utterly impossible to do with Dd (3 years) about. I cannot play with her and get him to sleep, and I cant play properly with her until he is asleep. Dd is bored and attention seeking and I have less attention to give her. The other problem is I can't seem to convince dd to leave DS alone. She's always shaking his arms or bouncing g him or being giddy with him (excessively affectionate not violent). I don't want to break her confidence or ruin her relationship with her brother but all I seem to say is 'gently, dd' or tell her not to touch him as he's just got to sleep. But i cant do nothing. Today for example the poor sod was woken out of every single nap he tried to take by her antics, and by 5pm was owl faced and moaning with tiredness. Anyone got any tips on how to deal with this. I kept hoping things would get better on their own but we're nowhere! I've had him in a sling now so much of the time that I've got a trapped nerve in my neck and I just can't do it anymore 
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2 month old & 3 year old- it's not getting better!
quertas · 05/09/2013 22:54
My DS1 is 2.10 and my DS2 is six months. I promise it does get better - 11 weeks is still tiny.
I have completely given up trying to put DS2 down for a nap at home unless there is another adult there, or if desperate, DS1 is strapped in the high chair (DS2's high chair, I should add :o) and watching something amusing.
Basically I try to get out of the house as much as possible and let DS2 nap in the sling (would be pushchair but he's not keen on that yet, so sling it is). Doing this allows DS2 to get the daytime sleep he needs, and stops DS1 getting bored, destructive and jealous. We basically live in the children's centre, soft play and train station :o.
Bedtime is another flashpoint as DS2 wants to feed to sleep but DS1 also needs attention and has in the past woken his baby brother over and over. If I try to put DS2 down first then DS1, DS2 often wakes crying and mucks the whole thing up so I've put a lot of effort into giving them the same bedtime routine and having them both ready to sleep at the same time. We've moved DS1 into the spare bedroom's double bed so I can lie down with them both, feed DS2 to sleep and then transfer him once they've both gone off. It's bloody complicated but sanity saving as I do bedtimes alone about 4x a week.
DS1 went through stages of ignoring the baby, then being angry with him (biting etc), then trying to get a rise out of me by scratching but we have really turned a corner recently now that DS2 is in his highchair so they eat together, and they've also started taking a bath together. First time they shared a bath DS1 looked unbelievably chuffed :).
I'm not sure how much practical advice I can give because it already seems like a blur but just wanted to say I was in EXACTLY the same boat a few months ago and although things aren't always easy now they are so so much better. DD dropped to 2 naps at 7 month's, she's now 10 months and has 30 mins in the pushchair on the way to somewhere each morning and 1-2 hours when DS does after lunch. it WILL get easier but IME it happens so gradually you don't even notice
quick tips
- organise everything you need for the day the night before
- get out of the house as early as possible in the day before everyone goes mad (some people find it less stressful at home but because like you my baby would only sleep on me and my toddler kept waking her up I found it so stressful) - walking means the toddler feels like they're on an adventure with mum and baby gets a well-needed nap
- if you don't have one already I've found an approximate routine to be a lifesaver, I also use a visual chart so DS feels in charge of his own day
- don't sweat the small stuff, so if the older one won't get dressed, take them out in pyjamas with their clothes in your bag for when they change their mind. similarly if your house is a mess and dinners aren't all healthy and homemade it's not the end of the world.
finally you say you're just surviving day-to-day but I think that's all you need to do in the first few months, so long as you're all warm, fed and sleeping at some point it's a good day. I would suggest focusing on the babies basic needs in the first 6 months while doing everything possible to keep the toddler happy - because they're the one who often dictates how the rest of the family feels
best of luck, like I say things really do get better, it might just take a while
Thanks nicecup and mrs jammin,
We're having good and bad days here. Yesterday was awful, everyone in tears at some point or another but today's been a bit better. I just wish I could live my day with one them, then rewind and do it again with the other, I'm so torn between their needs. Sling library's a good idea, mrs jammin, ill look for one. Nicecup, I've got high hopes that a new pram might help us get a pushchair nap, like you describe. We stupidly bought one DS can't see out of and so has to be asleep before he'll happily go into it which has NOT helped
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