8 Month Contact Group - Is ANY of this true?

[LetThereBeCupcakes]

So, we had our 8 month contact group today (DS is only 7 months, but ho-hum). I wasn't going to bother going, TBH, but a friend went to hers recently and said it was really useful, so I thought I'd give it a go. I'm a but dubious about a lot that was said and I'd like some other opinions please!

1. Language - I must not say "doggie" or "pussy cat", as apparently this will delay DS' language skills and it will be "almost impossible to get him to use the correct words". I must always say "Dog" or "Cat". Is it so terrible for a young child to say doggie? Should I also stop calling myself Mummy, and go for Mum (or even Mother) instead?
   

1. Sleep - DS does not sleep through the night - he usually wakes 3 times per night. Apparently this is A Terrible Thing. HV said that "all 6 month old babies should sleep through the night from 12 midnight - 5am". I then said that in that case he's only waking once as he wakes at 9pm, 12 midnight and 3am. He takes full feeds at each waking. I'm pretty sure it's because he doesn't take enough milk during the day (he's getting seriously bad at nursing during the day - too easily distracted). HV said I'm "allowed" to continue with the 9pm feed, but should only offer water at the midnight and 3am wakings. She continued to say that I should offer more protein with his evening meal, and cut out carbs after 12 noon. If this doesn't stop the night time feeds, I must let him CIO. I must do CIO very soon because...
   

1. Apparently 8-month old babies can not remember anything that happened more than 3 days ago. By 12 months memory improves to 2 weeks. Therefore if I do CIO now, he will stop waking up after 3 nights, because he won't remember being fed in the night any more. If this is true, surely he will only remember that bed = crying. How is that helpful? And will he forget my DH who is working away Mon-Fri at the moment? How come he remembers cues from his swimming lessons even though we don't practice them throughout the week?
   

1. Food - I'm apparently not feeding him enough solids. We were given a chart showing portion sizes split by food type. I won't list the whole thing here but as an example, this is what I should be giving my DS every day:
   

Protein - 1 egg
Dairy - 3 dice size pieces of cheese (and no more than 1 pint of milk / formula per day)
Fruit - half an apple
Fatty Foods - small piece of cake (every day? Really?)
Carbs - half a slice of bread
Veg - 1 tablespoon of any veg.

I'm a bit about some of the quantities, I don't think DS could manage a whole egg or half an apple TBH. It would never occur to me to give him cake every day. She also said it doesn't matter if he doesn't take much milk so long as I can fill him up with solids.

I'm very willing to be proven wrong on any of this (especially food as I suspect I don't feed him enough actually). Thanks to anybody who's managed to read this far!

[5madthings]

Crap,'milk should me his main source of nutrition a this age, minimum of 20oz a day.

His feeds in the night and being distractable in the day is totally normal for his age.

You dont have to do CIO at any age if you don't want to.

Language wise I always did a mix of botht I guess, and my kids learnt both so would say doggy and dog, no big deal my elder kids use the right words and certainly were not hindered with language development!

Eggs can be very binding an egg a day may make a baby constipated.

[hettienne]

Rubbish on all counts!

[crazykat]

My HV was shocked that DS2 didn't sleep through at 9 months. I wasn't as neither did my elder three DCs till about 12-15 months. If it doesn't bother you and you're happy to get up in the night then carry on as you are. I've never done CIO with mine and they all sleep through and have done since at the latest 15 months.

It's your child and so long as he's happy and a healthy weight for his height ignore the 'advice' and carry on as you are.

[lagoonhaze]

Complain. Ask for the evidence based research to back up this rubbish !

[ExBrightonBell]

Blimey. I would say (in a completely non-professional capacity) that almost 100% of that is bollocks!

It seems like there are vague half truths knocking about in all of that, that have got seriously mixed up with a whole heap of nonsense.

Eg the calling of animals by their proper names. It's not a good idea to call things by the badly pronounced version that your baby first manages to say. For example they might say "og" for dog, and you would say "that's right it's a dog" so they can hear the right word. But it would be fine to say doggy not dog! Or pussy cat instead of cat, as long as you're consistent.

And the thing about cake! That's a bit odd. There is fat in cheese, giving you protein and fat in one! You don't need to give cake everyday to make sure they get fats, and the saturated fat in cake isn't the best or only kind of fat really anyway.

[noblegiraffe]

Contact them and ask for the links to the research because it sounds like they are spouting bollocks as fact. Less clued up women could be worried unnecessarily, especially about the food and sleep.

[gallicgirl]

What a load of rubbish!
Ignore and don't go again.

[lola88]

The only thing I would say could be right is the 3 day thing as I night weaned DS at 11 months because he woke even more than yours and it did take 3 nights, a lot of what i read at the time 3 nights kept popping up however I think 7 months is to young to be night weaning unless he's eating loads during the day. We tried it with DS at 9mo and it didn't work but as I said worked like a charm at 11mo.

About the food DS is 18mo and I would be lucky to get him to eat that much during the day however a friends baby who is younger could easily eat that they are all so different you can't have a hard rule about that they eat. Try little peoples plates for ideas on portions.

And don't bother seeing the HV again mine was a loony with crazy crappy advice so i've not seen her for over a year I just get DS to stand on the scales to weigh him, google anything i'm worried about and go to the doctor for any health concerns. Going by his mile stones he's ahead on most of them and meeting the rest on time so my way can't be that bad.

P.S DS calls dogs a wuff it's cute

[CailinDana]

As a former developmental psychologist let me say that is all utter bullshit. Ignore all of it.

[mamij]

Babies main source of nutrition should be milk until they are 12 months! So no, you don't need to worry about "filling him up with solids"!

As for language, both DDs are bilingual and can't stop them talking (in either language!). I used doggie and other such words and found it hasn't affected their speech development. You just need to be clear and consistent.

[DoItTooJulia]

Oh, FFS, poor you!

All of these are guidelines and not the law (Thats if they are even guidelines, it sounds like tosh to me) It's up to you what you do with your baby. How horrible that you were made to feel that these are some set in stone rules that you must follow!

Yes, there are better food than others you can feed your baby. Yes, it's physically possible for 6 month old babies to sleep through the night, but many don't. Yes there are some great things you can do to help your baby's language develop. But there are NO rules.

You sound like you are doing a great job and don't need your confidence knocked by this bs.

[BigW]

I read/heard that elongating words such as doggy or pussy cat actually help language development as it uses more vowel sounds. Don't know if it is true or not.

[laeiou]

Another person with a background in cognitive development here. All bollocks.

There are many sources slowing the benefit of baby talk. Ending words in a "y" sound helps children identify the end of one word and beginning of another. Also children often drop the last sound in a word so doggy emphasis the g sound.

also about cio- bollocks your child's subconscious memory and tendency for anxiety, depression and general mental approach and expectations are all being formed now. Teach a baby that no-one cares if they cry, well what lesson is that?

[ViviDeBeauvoir]

That is the biggest load of bollocks I've ever heard.
How on earth is that going to build confidence in people's parenting skills?
I actually think I would complain about it (and I'm usually pretty relaxed about things) as it could send someone who isn't coping over the edge hearing all that rubbish.
All babies are different.
They'll all get there in the end.
The end.

[ViviDeBeauvoir]

Oops posted too soon.
By 8 months: DD would barely eat a thing but was already talking (despite me using words like 'doggy' ), she didn't sleep through until she was 2.
DS1 eat 3 course meals as soon as he was weaned and was able to use a sippy cup at 6 months old unaided the first time I gave it to him, he slept through at about 2 months old but had to be woken up for medicine every 8 hours, which meant he started to wake himself up at the same time each night, he is streets ahead in the language stakes at 2.5.
DS2 is nearly 8 months old, has slept through since he was born, with a couple of blips, makes some sounds but nowhere near talking, doesn't like food much and has recently recovered from tonsillitis, which means he's a bit wary of food because it was hurting before. He has mostly milk with the odd taste of food, even though I give him his own plate of what we have.

Please don't worry OP, every baby is different.

[LetThereBeCupcakes]

Thanks everyone, fortunately I'm mostly OK with how we're doing (aside from some sleep-related wobbles) and I always take what our HVs say with a pinch of salt. I will definitely find out how to make a complaint I think, I was particularly by her CIO suggestion as I'm so anti the concept and have been doing a LOT of reading around the subject lately.

Shame about the cake though. I quite like cake.

[cory]

"1. Language - I must not say "doggie" or "pussy cat", as apparently this will delay DS' language skills and it will be "almost impossible to get him to use the correct words"."

Ah well, makes you realise how incredibly brave and gifted most of us are, struggling against all odds to acquire adult language. "Almost impossible"- and here I am talking away every day.


"2. Sleep - DS does not sleep through the night - he usually wakes 3 times per night. Apparently this is A Terrible Thing."

She can't know many babies. Or else has hideous memories of her own broken nights and ensuing PND.


"3. Apparently 8-month old babies can not remember anything that happened more than 3 days ago. By 12 months memory improves to 2 weeks."

We used to have this little game where dd was encouraged to wave at her own reflected image inside the bedroom wardrobe door. She was 7 months old when we went away on holiday for 2 months; when we first went into the bedroom on returning the wardrobe door was shut but she immediately started waving at it. So that's that theory blown out of the water.

"4. Food - I'm apparently not feeding him enough solids"

Recommendations are that milk should be his main source of food for the first year.

If you are considering a formal complaint I would hone in on item 4 as being the easiest to prove incorrect. Look up the advice given by WHO and the NHS.

[silverangel]

That sounds nuts.

Out of interest, where are you based OP? Ive never heard of an 8 month contact group?

[LetThereBeCupcakes]

Cory aren't we doing well? Apparently when I was little I called cats "abboos" (that's the noise they make. Abboo!). 30 years later and I can correctly identify all manner of animals, including cats.

silver we are in Wiltshire.

Took DS to be weighed today and the little porker has put on a pound and a half since last weigh in 4 weeks ago. Despite me "under feeding" him. I told the health visitor doing clinic how I felt about the contact group and she said she would pass my comments on. She was also very encouraging about my own-totally-made-up-insanely-gentle sleep training. Still undecided about raising anything more formal - will see what comes of this as I have a couple of friends with younger babies who will attend the 8 month check over the next few weeks.

[gretagrape]

Well I guess it must be a complete fluke that my 5mo has recognised his Daddy (Father?! Sir?!) from the very beginning despite the fact that shift work means they don't see each other for 5 days at a time.

Anyway, must go, got to feed the puddy cat her din-dins before she goes to sleepy-byes.

[SquidgersMummy]

Utter rubbish. Again I would ask where is there evidence base. I am a health professional and part of my job is training up health visitors as, well, how shall I put it, lets say some of them aren't up to date with the best evidence based practice and so inundate the local paediatricians etc with daft referrals. Personally speaking my HV hasn't been much use as it is clear she has never breastfed and so I think her advice re sleep and weaning aren't helpful at all. My 13mth old wouldn't eat those portions - she still wakes in the night - we cosleep fm the early hours - and I use a mix of dog and doggie. There is a massive amount of research re memory capacity and infancy - I'm too lazy to dig out my books but as we all know she is talking bollocks there too.

Focus on a good, secure and predictable attachment relationship and the rest will sort itself out.

X