Afraid to sleep for fear of something happening to 4 day old DD

[SweetTeaVodka]

As a bit of background, I do suffer from depression and anxiety

[AitchTwoOhOneTwo]

i'm just going to turn off the light and sleep now, but didn't want to let you go.

[AitchTwoOhOneTwo]

tbh even if you don't suffer from anything, this is a tough time. you're so used to her being inside you, i think. are you going to be in the same room as her? there's research that says they fall into a rhythm with your breathing if you're both asleep in the same room, so while the danger is not hugely high of something happening (although it is real, just not high) you are doing all you can to minimise it by sleeping near her. (i wonder if actually more than if you're awake? that would be interesting research, wouldn't it? afaia all the research about breathign patterns has been done when both are asleep).

[SweetTeaVodka]

Shit, stupid iPad, posted too soon. Los, I miscounted, DD is 5 days old.

I do suffer from depression and anxiety, for which I am currently on medication. Since delivering DD I have been feeling more positive and mentally healthy than I have from months (apart from the baby blues when my milk came in 2 nights ago), however I find myself unable to sleep unless someone else is watching DD for crippling fear of SIDS or something.

I did manage a couple of hours in a few stints here and there in the last 2 of the 3 nights we stayed on the postnatal ward. Since returning home my husband has been understanding of my insistence of taking shifts to sleep overnight, however he has work etc and is becoming very tired.

I know I am being neurotic and PFB, but don't know how to overcome my fears. It doesn't help that DD seems to generally be a quiet and placid baby and is a quiet sleeper. She has slight jaundice which led to problems establishing feeding which is why we were in the post-natal ward for so long.

Also contributing to my fears and playing on my mind is the latest episode of Call the Midwife, which I saw the beginning of last night where the baby dies as I didn't see the episode description on iPlayer so found that very distressing and traumatic to watch.

Any ideas how to overcome these fears and let myself get some sleep?

[SweetTeaVodka]

Aitch, thank you for responding.

She has a crib which is right alongside our bed, although she is currently sleeping on my lap as I'm sat up in bed this.

[Ontesterhooks]

Would it reassure you to get a monitor with the pad and alarm - this really helped me as I knew the alarm would sound if baby stopped breathing ! You have to stop using it though once they can move around the cot otherwise you get false alarms !

[SweetTeaVodka]

I was considering that, OnTesterHooks. We had not bought a monitor yet as she is lays going to be sleeping in the same room as us so didn't think we'd need one til she moved into her own room, but might go out and get one tomorrow. Was originally considering for when we do get a monitor one with just audio as the sensor mat ones were more expensive, but it might be worth it for peace of mind.

Might have to put it on the credit card though, as already had unexpected expense this month having to buy breast pump, steriliser etc due to the feeding issues. And I naively thought we were all prepared!

[SweetTeaVodka]

Ok, just been on Tesco direct and found they sell the movement sensor pads for about £45, and I can have one delivered by Saturday. Going to talk to DH about getting one, then we'll hopefully have only one more night of sleeping in shifts before we can both get some rest.

Don't know why I didn't think of that before, it seems a simple method of reassurance now. I'll probably still worry something silly, but I'll hopefully be better rested while doing it!

It's strange, I knew I'd feel protective of her, but this all consuming need to protect her from every possible risk is overwhelming. Now to try to stop it from driving me doolally...

Thanks for your advice and support. It really helped just getting it down and getting an outside perspective

[saffronwblue]

Sweet Tea Congratulations on your baby! It is normal to feel so intensely protective. Those feelings will settle over time especially as she starts to grow and show you how robust she is.Just tell yourself that your DD needs a mother who has had some rest and so letting yourself go to sleep is your way of protecting her too.

[Ontesterhooks]

Maybe have a look on gumtree or eBay ? As I said they aren't great after about 6 months so people might be selling second hand.

I have found it great reassurance - also saw that call the midwife and was in floods of years !

[GTbaby]

Amazon had tommy tippee one for £40 last week. We got ours from mothercare on price match.

It's normal. I felt same first few days. However I hate to say it, but you are putting LO at greater risk by not sleeping as best as you can and resting.

[ThreeWheelsGood]

It's normal to feel like you do, regardless of your MH history. Follow all the SIDS guidelines, so you're secure she is safe, and catch up on your sleep! You'll feel better the more sleep you get, honestly.

[teacher123]

When DS was that tiny I had the Moses basket crammed literally right next to me so that I could rest my hand on him whilst he slept. I really hope you manage to get some kip x

[MrsB74]

Firstly congratulations! When I had my twin girls, I was told they were at higher risk of SIDS (multiple plus low birth weight) and was so neurotic about it. My gp then told me the vast majority of cot deaths are in smoking households, it's also a bit more common in boys. Also dont co sleep if you are overtired just in case you roll over. If you aren't in any of the risk groups, try to relax and enjoy your baby. SIDS is thankfully very rare these days, so try not to fixate on it. You cannot carry on sleeping in shifts, you will both be knackered! Watching constantly will not guarantee your little ones safety, but it will wear you all out! All new mums worry, it does get a bit easier when those hormones calm down.

[Andcake]

Another fan of the movement monitor! Bought as I just couldn't sleep as I was too scared. I got the angelcare one from argos (cheaper at the time than amazon) it has a thermometer and nightlight which I like and find helpful for feeding in the night. Currently as ds is in our room I just have to glance at a light on my bedside to check he is ok. Much better than feeling baby's chest ( then accidentally waking baby and Having to start getting them to sleep all over again which was my old trick) still no false alarms at 5.2 months but he is in a sleeping bag.
I also found doing a baby first aid course reassured me. Gosh I do sound paranoid but I think it helped my sanity. DP was cynical at first but now has the parent unit tick on in the living room even when I'm in bed as finds it reassuring :-)
Congratulations - they can be scarily stil when asleep x

[HalleLouja]

Maybe buy a sling for the day and then she can sleep on you. Most babies but not all do love a sling.

My DH suffers from anxiety and having the movement monitor did help him relax.

[HalleLouja]

It used to drive me insane that monitor but was worth it as DH could relax more. Plus DS was premmie and very very temporarily stopped breathing on the first night.

[mummy2benji]

SweetTea hi and congratulations! Firstly it is completely normal to feel irrational anxiety about your little one - they are the centre of your universe now and the most precious thing in existence. Add to that the postnatal hormones and it isn't surprisingly that you're afraid to sleep and not be watching her. I bought an Angel monitor with the movement sensor pad when dd was born, although I didn't have one with ds, and I can't recommend it enough. With ds I used to be peering at him in the dark several times a night trying to see if he was breathing - often I couldn't see so would be waving the light of my mobile phone about in front of his chest like a crazy woman. With the Angel monitor I haven't had to do that at all with dd - I know she is breathing or the monitor would have alarmed like crazy. I keep the receiver permanently downstairs so when I am downstairs I can hear any sounds she makes (and the reassuring quiet tick tock of the movement sensor - although I could switch that off if I wanted) and when I go to bed I don't need the receiver with me as she is still in our bedroom, but in leaving it on I know I will hear the alarm if the movement sensor were to stop picking up movements. You should be able to persuade dp that you need one - you've just given birth to his baby, after all! x

[SweetTeaVodka]

Thanks once again all. I am feeling much better now. Thought about all you guys said about SIDS risks and guidelines - we are following all the guidelines and are not in any higher risk groups, don't smoke or co-sleep, so I have no particular reason to worry so much.

I did actually manage to sleep between feeds last night, and feel much better for it. When I spoke to my DH yesterday morning about how I was feeling and movement sensor monitors he went online and ordered one straight away. It arrived this morning so hopefully I will rest even better tonight with that as reassurance.

[ThreeWheelsGood]

That's good news SweetTea. Remember to keep telling people how you feel, people will support you, it's so normal to feel like you do!

[LadyWidmerpool]

Hope you're feeling a bit better this evening and that the monitor helps.

[DeafLeopard]

Glad you have the monitor - it really helped my peace of mind - I watch the DCs and if I couldn't see signs of breathing I would prod them which would invariably wake them, so you are not alone in having the worry that you do.

Hormones and sleep deprivation can play havoc with anyone but even more so if you are anxious.

[brettgirl2]

Good bear in mind that they do go off though! When it does it will be a malfunction of the system not the baby. I think not being able to sleep is normal and its worst the first night baby is home. Bear in mind that cot death is pretty rare. 290 babies a year according to the FSID website. Therefore if you aren't in a high risk group and you follow the guidelines it's very unlikely.

[honeytea]

I hope you have been getting more sleep with the monitor, I was overwhelmed by the fear of sids when my ds was born 7 weeks ago, I did lots of reading into sids and babies nearly never die from sids in the first month of life.

We also bought a monitor and it has helped so much.

Congratulations on the birth of your baby :)