PLEASE HELP ME FEED MY DAUGHTER NORMALLY

[MillyStar]

Afternoon ;)

I need some help, i'm a binge eater and a very emotional eater, i've battled with my weight for years and years and i'm currently a size 20!

I've binged for as long as i can remember, i've got memories of being 7 or 8 and going through whole packets of biscuits at my friends houses.

Basically i don't know how to eat 'normally'

I've got a five month old daughter and i'm DESPERATE for her not to be the same!

I strongly believe that my issues come from growing up in a house where there was a lot of domestic violence and i was frightened a lot of the time, there is no way i would let that happen to my daughter i will go to the end of the earth to make sure she grows up happy and feeling safe every single day. I'm also aware not to mention dieting in front of her or talk down about my body or call myself fat and i will also be very careful to eat well in front of her.

I'm just frightened that i will mess her up because i don't know how to eat normally myself! I know she is only 5 months but she will be weaning in a couple of weeks so i want to get it right straight away!

Soooooo whats normal? I was thinking three balanced meals a day, fruit inbetween and a pudding after tea? Or is a pudding every day too much?

If so mabye a treat or two at the weekend but then what if she grows up and pigs out all weekend because it's treat time!!

Please help me what do your kids eat? x

[QuintessentialShadows]

It sounds you have had a bit of a rough time... Sympathies.

But I think you need to set an example, as before you know it your daughter will be beyond the weening stage, and you need to feed her like you feed yourself.

I think you need to try and start with yourself. Dont think about it as battling your weight or battling anything really. Just supplying 3 healthy meals that you and your daughter eat, preferably together.

Breakfast, lunch and tea. Maybe a snack before bedtime.

My sons, now 10 and 7 eat breakfast, lunch, dinner and evening meal.

They have either a bowl of all bran with rasberries/blueberries/strawberries or scrambled eggs followed by some berries or fruit for breakfast. School dinners (could be fish fingers, shepherds pie, pizza, burgers, jacket potato and a pudding which could be bananas with custard, chocolate brownie, fruit - small portion sizes), dinner at home: meat/fish/chicken with rice/pasta/potatoe and veg such as carrots, broccoli, etc/ Evening meal can be cherios with milk, or a youghurt with muesli, or sandwich with jam. So 4 meals a day, but they dont eat a lot with each meal.

[DeepPurple]

When you start weaning her start with vegetables rather than fruit or anything else sweet. As she progresses, plan her daily meals to include at least five portions if fruit and veg daily and fish at least twice a week. Red meat should only be occasionally and things like chicken should be more the staple meat.

Initially she'll need two snacks a day and depending on how good she is with her food depends how quickly she drops the snacks. My dd is almost 3 and only has snacks if she has done something very energetic or is going to be fed late.

I tend not to have a pattern for puddings so that she doesn't always expect something sweet. Fruit with natural yogurt is good for a pudding as the nat yog stops it being too sweet. Occasionally give a pudding after lunch and occasionally give one after dinner. Don't make puddings a habit though.

Snacks shouldn't always be sweet. Fruit is a good snack but so are rice cakes. Milk can also be used in place of a snack.

Things like chocolate and other sweets shouldn't be given until older. When she is a bit older the occasional bit of chocolate won't hurt her. I try to avoid labelling these foods as treats and treat them the same as any other snack. By this I mean dd is equally happy if she asks for a snack and gets fruit as she is if I gave her chocolate or a rice cake. Any chocolates should be size appropriate and not the full size adult bags or bars.

[QTPie]

Hi

Can you get some help? Maybe speak to your GP and see what they suggest? Referral for counselling? Getting some help yourself will help you help her.

Do you see the HV? They should be able to give you leaflets and info on weaning. Am sure that someone can give you you sme web links,

You build up slowly, but am for 3 meals and maybe a couple of snacks a day. Different peoe have different approaches and beliefs with desserts/treats. I only give fruit/yoghurt 95% of the time for dessert. Puddings if we are out at a restaurant or have people over for lunch/dinner. I came from a family who believed in dessert every dinner time and it contributed to me being an over-weight teen at the time (proper desserts do tend to be rather calorific). DS does have treats, but not loads of them and generally if we are out (good homemade cake, ice cream).

My belief is a very good day-to-day diet (well balanced, healthy, nutritious, lots of variety and taste), but not denying the occasional treat (if you deny, then they are likely to over compensate later). Trying to get them to have a healthy and happy relationship with food from a very young age. My other belief is to not make food an issue: if food isn't eaten, then alternatives are not offered. If he is hungry ten he will eat what is offered, if he won't eat it then he really isn't hungry and I wont stress or worry. More often than not he will (eventually) decide to eat it. There are gong to be times in a child's life that he don't wan to eat (teething or comin down with something).

Good luck :)

[FireOverBabylon]

Milly your original post doesn't mention exercise but if you're looking to provide a healthy example for your little girl, you need to consider this, even if it's just swimming with her (whatever size you are) or walking instead of taking the bus.

You may find that your DD gets faddy is she gets older - my 3.2 DS would happily live on jacket potato - this is perfectly normal and not anything that you've caused.

I have this book on my amazon wishlist. It gives recipe for good meal choices and breaks foods down into breakfast, lunch etc so would help you to choose recipes effectively.

You have done something amazing today by starting this thread. You are going to make changes which will set her life off on a different course to yours, good on you.

You can always come back in the future asking for snack ideas / how to cook with your toddler when she's a bit older.

[sittinginthesun]

I also think it might be good to get some help on board here - maybe start with your GP or HV. I do think it's fantastic that you are asking:)

I come from a family where food was a difficult subject (my father had numerous issues, which in hindsight were a simple gluten intolerance, but weren't picked up until after he died). I was scared of food, and was terrified I was pass on my fear to my children.

So, I thought the best thing is to think positively. I weaned using the Annabel Karmel book. Mostly homemade. Started with savoury, and then moved onto sweet.

Once they were weaned, their meal times have always been the same. Breakfast (cereal, toast, fruit); Lunch (usually the main meal of the day, including pudding); tea (lighter meal, with fruit or yoghurt). Snacks mid morning, and mid afternoon if needed.

It was miles easier than I expected, and it has also sorted out my head.

[GoldenGreen]

The Baby Led Weaning recipe book is a good place to look for ideas for meals to eat as a family - it's lovely to share meals with your baby right from the start. Lots of general advice in there too. You could save it for when she's a little bigger if you want to purée her food for a few weeks first.

I second the advice to make food a non-issue - offer a good balance and variety and see how things go.

[mantlepiece]

I think that often the problem with weight gain is portion size.

One family will have a different perception to another.

Also sit at table for every meal, this way bad habits of eating throughout the day do not develop.

Do not buy crisps, chocolate biscuits fizzy drinks etc for the store cupboard, especially not bumper packs!

If you can get these basics right, you should be able to enjoy a full variety of foods with nothing banned or a issue.

[ShhhhhGoBackToSleep]

I second baby led weaning, it is not just giving finger food, it is about the idea of giving your baby a range of food and letting them decide what and how much to eat.

Part of this is modelling good eating as you giving your baby what you are eating too. I found I cared a lot more about what DS was eating than what I ate and all our diets have got better as a result. I really didn't want to get into the "you can only get yummy pudding if you eat the yucky veg" and making them eat everything on the plate.

As a result we eat a lot more fruit and veg and DS has a fantastic attitude to food. He will try pretty much anything and will eat however much he needs, not what he is given. He likes cake ev, don't get me wrong, but he will eat half a piece of cake and stop when he is full

He ate yesterday
Breakfast - porridge with raisins and honey
Snack - cheese and crackers, dried apricots
Lunch - pork and fennel meatballs with pasta, apple
Snack - banana, mini brownie as we had been doing baking
Dinner - chorizo and spinach frittata, some frozen peas (don't ask, he thinks they are a treat!)
Supper - slice of toast with peanut butter as apparently he was starving

He ate a bit of everything, more of some things than others. He is a healthy weight and height.

[comixminx]

Would you enjoy cooking cooking from scratch at all / more often (depending on what you do currently)? Something like Jamie's 30 Minute Meals gives you a whole menu (though to be fair most people who use that book don't tend to cook a whole menu at each time. If you start enjoying cooking and experimenting with new recipes then you can freeze small portions for your DD (this is more useful later on when she is a toddler of course) and then instead of buying processed food you can have kid-sized ready meals right to hand, made out of good stuff. (Apologies if you already like cooking!)

[Bigwheel]

Have you thought about joining slimming world? My own opinion is you have to improve your own relationship with food before anything else. Slimming world isn't just about losing weight, it's about eating healthily and not using ready meals and jars all the time, getting back to basics. By going to group you'll find loads of people with similar stories where you'll be able to offer each other support and share ideas. Personally I found the baby and toddler meal planner book by annabel karmel gret for my kids, now at 2 and 5 they eat great.