initial child protection order

[sashadasher]

I use to think Social services were a good thing,didn't believe the hype about turning up to 'grill' good ,caring parents and putting the family unit under lots of stress for no real reason...how very wrong I was.
I am disabled but manage very well have 2 grown up children 1 that works the other due to go to uni dispite being having ASD I also have a younger son who is 9 also has ASD,not bowel trained has some hypermobile joints,gets back pain,wears legs splints but is a very clever happy little boy.My husband works full time but is very supportive and although I haven't got a family network things generally are busy and everyone is fed ,loved and cared for and if anybody igets left out it is me.
After xmas I felt a bit stressed,i was having probs sleeping my fits were worses and my health was generally worse and I just felt a little low and wasn't as perky as usual so I popped to my brill GP, who said I was a trooper and I was stressed and I worked miracles in my household and suggested some 1to1 councilling so i had some ME TIME....yep sounded ok,id give it a go...4 months went by no councilling felt more stressed,son's school were sending him home covered in poo single everyday,blisters on his feet at least once a week was getting me down all constant keeping on top.So I was reffered to a more intense councilling team who thought constant battles at school were not helping and on grounds of sons DISABILITY not because he was at risk and with my consent suggested that they make a refferal to social services for our son to support me and family unit...it was turned down THERE WAS NO ROLE IN THERE DEPARTMENT ,was NO RISK and we were managing things as parents well....great in 1 way but wasn't helpful at the time.Anyway with time I got my mojo back .
Then 6 weeks later i get a bang bang on door,hour 'grilling' certainly wasn't nice friendly supportive chat , even looked at his bedroom.All over may i add because we give his'unregulated' Calpol and nuropen a few times a week for his back pain,both his GP and is consultant know about these and have been discussed at very recent CAF meetings nobody mentioned any concerns and have recommended these.Also because on day trips out e.g theme park we use a nice childs wheelchair we bought ourselves. says that could cause him harm if wrong size,it's not a self propel and he isn't squashed...for that they held a secret meeting and next meeting is the inital child protection conferance where police,consultantants,Ot,physio,my councillor i saw which service I'm now discharged from)and a whole string of offical people most who have never met my child.My GP isn't to happy and has written a full report as can't attend.....I'm so stressed because although rationally i know i have no worries it's just extra stress that I just don't need but stress is affecting my health and that in effect isn't good for our familly catch 22.I just feel vicimised and can't see how this helps my son,how can same department say NO ROLE then come round 6 weeks later when his school complain over calpol and a wheelchair(that they request on school trips) .I asked who made referral and was told schools! last CAF held 10 days before end of summer term..I'm at a loss,sorry for long post but can't sleep S.S coming to speak to son today and I feel on edge when I shouldn't be....Any advice anyone??? except ride it out

[mellen]

You will probably know more once you have been to the meeting and know what everyone is saying. There might be other services and sources of support that you are not aware of or not using, so they might be able to hekp you with that.

[cory]

Sorry to hear about your hard time.

We've had similar problems about school failing to understand about hypermobility syndrome and referring to Social Services. In the end it worked out all right, SS were willing to listen to medical professionals and came down on our side. What worked for us was keeping very calm and positive, showing paperwork from doctors whenever possible, and just generally explaining to SS what our exact problems were and what kind of help we needed. I also found it helped if dh could be present at important meetings; it looks good that both parents show involvement and it helps enormously to have one person taking notes while the other one is fielding questions.

[sashadasher]

meeting was a total waste of space,son's consultant asked them to suspend as needed to be there to give his medical advice and support but 'independant'chairperson refused.We were never given chance to show any of our evidence that backed us up,the brilliant GP and our sons consultants report were brushed to 1 side.Things were twisted,embroidered and in some parts a pack of lies and we sat there powerless.Two good,caring.loving parents were made to look like some kind of monsters.So now dispite him being offically diagnosed with ASD ,already having a constultant saying he suffers with tiptoe walking,which is now being treated with leg splints,severe constipation leading to soiling and back pain due to walking for years on tip toes and having some hypermobile joints all most likely linked to his ASD he has to have a medical and he is AT RISK from us from physical and emotion harm,irony is that i'm so heartbroken and worried that I cant sleep or eat and poor little boy is wondering now what's worng with his mum.......solicitors advice is ride it out and comply best we can because it will fizzle and they will move on....all down to a personality clash between us and headteacher who also happens to be a child protection officer,small world eh! children need protecting from her more like ....rant over thanks for your support x

[DontLetTheBuggersGrindYouDown]

Sympathies. Hope that you are managing.

We are going through something a bit similar.

I think that the
"We were never given chance to show any of our evidence that backed us up,the brilliant GP and our sons consultants report were brushed to 1 side.Things were twisted,embroidered and in some parts a pack of lies and we sat there powerless.Two good,caring.loving parents were made to look like some kind of monsters."

describes it pretty well.

The Reports against us came mainly from our school.

It makes us very angry.

I think it is "the system" in this county that is wrong, more than the people.
The Schools are trained in Child Protection training to report any concerns however minor.
The Social Workers are so focussed into looking for risks they see nothing else.
They treat the parents as suspects and we are not believed.

The law allows the use of hearsay evidence in Child Protection that would never be allowed in court, and the criteria for Child Protection include "Risk of Significant Harm" - which is crystal ball gazing and they do not define or use any scientific measure of risk. There is also no balancing of risk against the damage caused by protecting against that risk (eg A child is at risk from busy road - so lock child up and never let it go outside?)

The trouble is that unless you have been at the sharp end of it, you would not believe that this kind of thing can happen.

It is happening, I am convinced, all over the UK.

The real cases are sometimes being "failed", resources are being diverted from support, and energy is being expended on harrassing perfectly good parents of normally safe children, who have never harmed their kids and just need a bit of support, maybe.

Once the Social Services have you in the sights of their guns, they throw in everything including the kitchen sink. Criticisms levelled against us have included having an untidy house and our son going to school with egg on the corner of his mouth!

Stay strong, and share with friends who will tell you you are OK!
J