party - should I go

[trudles]

I need your advice my dd has been invited to a little boy's third birthday party. A source has told me that he is a bit of a bully and is rough with other children including my dd I have seen him picking on some of them. The nursery has also said that they have had problems in the past with him. My daughter came home from nursery today and told that the little boy had pushed her in the sandpit. This is the last straw for me.The source told me that ifwas to go dont let your dd out of your site, but if the source has told every parent this although he's got problems no-one will go to his party.

[Enid]

I would say, yes, go but expect that there will be some pushing and shoving (hes 3, its his birthday, he's bound to be over excited). Keep an eye on him and dd and perhaps steer her away to play with some other children if things look as though they are going to kick off!

What's his mum like? Can she be trusted to keep an eye on his behaviour?

[MandyD]

Can you have a word with the head of the nursery? Perhaps she can suggest a strategy to deal with this, or work something out with the parents of the boy concerned. IMHO it would be very damaging for the little boy if no-one went to his party and this would probably make his behaviour even worse, he'd think no-one likes him because he's naughty so he'd be even more naughty. A delinquent in the making!!

[Dixie]

I'd go, parties can be fun for all ages & you'll be there to keep an eye on your dd. Also it will give YOU the opportunity to make up YOUR OWN MIND about the little boy concerned rather than this other source...chinese whispers springs to mind for me...sorry.

[helenmc]

My dd was invited to a party, and she didn't want to go. It was a disaster she cried, I had to coax her out of the car and I couldn't understand as her best friend and other friends were there. Afterwards I found out the birthday girl was a nasty bully and had made dd cry at school. So does your dd want to go ? if so then go with her - extra adult help is always welcome. If she doesn't want to go - don't force even if you feel sorry/guilty about it.

[threeangels]

I most agree with Dixie. Go to the party so you can see what this source is talking about. Sometimes people can exaggerate. Im not saying thier lieing. Just that maybe the little boy is not that all rough. Boys can be at this age. Normal part of growing up to a degree. I too wouldnt want someones child picking on mine though. Go and observe.

[tigermoth]

I'd ignore those whispers too, and go with your dd as long as she's up for it. Keep a very beady eye on things, and remember that the host will be far outnumbered by guests who do not have a reputation for roughness.

IM (bitter)E it would be a very rare 3 year birthday party if there wasn't some over excitement from hosts or guests (ha ha ... remembering the utter fiasco that marked my oldest son's 3 years celebration - another story!) Just be ready to intervene, distract and separate.

If you still feel wary about going, could you tell the boy's mother in advance that you may have to leave very early? Then if your worst fears are confirmed, you can make a tactful exit.

Just out of curiosity - and you don't have to answer this of course was your scource's child invited to the party as well? It's not a case of sour grapes is it?

[leese]

trudles - don't have any personal experience here, so feel free to take advice with a pinch of salt! My sisters ds is almost three, and he could be construed a 'bully', to my sisters eternal mortification. If he is at a communal play ares, she has to watch him closely - the minute she takes her eye off him he has swotted someone else. Basically, he gets very over excited - almost does not know what to do with himself, which resorts in the wrong behaviour. My sis has resorted to everything she can think of - but at the moment it is still a bit of a battle. I don't think as a three yr old he really 'picks' on someone in particular - just takes energies out on those in close contact. Think it was slightly different in helenmc's case, as it was a school friend, which would indicate someone a little older - who should effectively 'know better' (is this a fair assumption?)
Have to agree with those who've said to go to the party - suss things out for yourself - as Enid said, can the mum be trusted to ensure things don't get out of hand?
Can't help thinking like MandyD - if noone goes to his party, how damaging that will be for him - and potentially extremely upsetting for his mum, who could well be a woman at the end of her tether! Of course, not suggesting you put your dd 'at risk' in order that he is not upset, but from what you have described, don't think this would be the case. As has been pointed out - pushing and shoving is par for the course - little boys seem better at it than little girls! Ensure your dd knows to tell an adult immediately if the little boy concerned is being naughty to her - couldn't construe from your posting if you would be at the party or not - sorry.

[trudles]

I think I am going to let her go but I'm going to stay with her. Her best freinds are also going. I asked the staff at the nursery how they got on and they said that she doesnt really get on with him they said he's very boisterus and gets over exited. I just hope the other mums are going to stay as well.