Looking for some friendly help

(4 Posts)
DrunkDori Wed 27-Apr-16 07:39:05

Hello

LONG time lurker here. I'm after a bit of support. I am turning over the decision about future children and getting myself in a state sad

I had my first baby 8 months ago. I always wanted 3 children. These 8 months have been SO hard. My daughter is absolutely delightful and it is just brilliant being her mum but she will not sleep.

It is absolutely horrific. I am the walking dead.

I wanted my babies close together in age and as I expected I'm starting to get the urge to have another. But we just can't. Me and my DH are absolutely terrified and no matter what we just won't risk having anymore. This has almost broken us as individuals and as a couple.

I can see lots of positives of only having one child and overall I think I am mostly ok with it. But how do I accept I'll never be pregnant again? Never give birth again and never go through all these beautiful milestones again?

Just as I was feeling positive the other day about it all I got a very sweet message from my brother saying he's so glad he has a sister. It really set me back. I'm worried I will deprive my daughter of a loving sibling relationship. I just don't know how I'm going to move forward.

Thanks for reading.

1Potato2 Wed 27-Apr-16 09:38:49

I had dc2 13 weeks ago. Dc1 was a nightmare of a baby. I felt the same as you when my first was 8 months. I was adamant about sticking with one. The first year is very hard. Roll onto when she was 19 months and she was much easier. We went ahead with ttc again.

There is 2.4 years between mine and I'm glad that I didn't leave it any later, but equally I couldn't have done it any sooner. Dc1 is toilet trained, can entertain herself for a bit and just pops on the buggy board. Loads of benefits to this age gap.

I've really enjoyed this mat leave. He is a completely different baby to dd. Could you hold off making a decision for a few months? Perhaps review at the first birthday mark?

MiddleClassProblem Wed 27-Apr-16 09:44:31

Why do you have to decide right now? Just because you're not ready yet doesn't mean you'll never be but if you go forward thinking of its just one that's ok then that's positive. If it happens, it happens. You can never plan really how the child thing will be pre children as you have found out, it's not something you can have realistic expectations about without the experience.
Don't pressure yourself. If it is one and you want to parent with out the early days you could foster or if that's not for you, a lesser version, pets

DrunkDori Wed 27-Apr-16 11:21:31

Thanks for your experience 1potato2. A lot of people keep saying how the second is likely to be very different. We just don't feel we can risk another baby in case by some bad luck we manage to create an even worse sleeper! If that could even be possible.

And I guess I don't have to decide now but time is really running out as I don't want big age gaps between my children if I do have more. And since my dd I just feel like if I leave it until we have her sorted and we're enjoying life a little more, we will be even more reluctant to willingly put ourselves back in the situation we are in now. My instinct is saying that if I want another one I need to do it soon to get all of this tricky-ness out of the way. And I really don't think DH will agree to this.

So I think really my decision is kind of out my hands and it's the accepting of this that I'm finding so hard.

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