Apologies if this seems long winded but to give some background:
We have one child, he's 4.5. He is brilliant. I'm so proud of him.
Before starting a family I had never envisaged having one child, but severe PND (really bad, in hospital for 6 weeks, lots of meds) put paid to any plans for another. I subsequently learned that the PND I suffered was hormone driven, so explains why antidepressants, antipsychotics and therapy didn't really work for me. I didn't feel anywhere near "right" until DS was 2.5. I'm fully recovered now, don't take any medication apart from supplementary oestrogen which keeps the severe PMS at bay, and works well.
I've been told by a psych, and know myself, that the chances of that PND happening again are high, given my history and my family history of seriously wonky hormones postnatally and during menopause.
I am genuinely ok with having one child now. I was initially angry about it (in a why me? way) but for the past year or so I've been so content and grateful that we have a beautiful, funny, bright little boy.
I also know now that my sanity is more important to my son and my DH than another child. I simply can't risk putting them through that, especially as DS would be old enough to know something is awfully wrong with mummy.
I've had a friend for the past 10 years or so. We'd loads in common, she had her DS1 a year before mine was born. She knows what happened to me, although I'm not sure she knows or understands just how bad things got.
She had another baby 1.5 years ago, gorgeous little thing, and we visited regularly, our boys get along great together and she got a break for tea and chats whole I cooed over her littlest.
The past three times we've visited, while in conversation with my son, she has told him: "[My DS] won't ever be lonely, he has DS2!"
Three occasions, three different visits.
My own DS didn't seem to take on board what she said, he's never actually asked for a sibling although I'm sure that could change!
But I found myself so pissed off by what she said. Am I oversensitive? Why did she say that, to a 4.5 year old, out of nowhere?
I didn't pull her up on it, because I was shocked the first two times and on the last occasion we were getting coats on to leave.
How should I respond if it happens again? I've had the questions about when we'll have another baby from various people and have never had any issues or problems dealing with it. But this really bothered me. Is it me?
Got questions about only having one child? Find the answers here.
One-child families
Am I oversensitive?
Getyercoat · 06/03/2016 22:54
Very odd thing to say, especially repeatedly ! Don't let it get to you OP. 
you could always loudly ask her DS if it makes him sad having to share mummy all the time
OP, I don't think you're being oversensitive at all.
I've had a friend repeatedly say off-the-cuff things about 'typical' only children (ie in a derogatory way) despie knowing we are probably sticking with just the one for various complicated reasons. Not as bad as your friend saying what she did, but it still got to me.
Am rubbish at confrontation so let it go, but it did really get my goat.
Don't people realise that the sad thought of an only child being lonely (even if it is illogical!) is precisely the kind of thing that can really haunt some parents of onlies, and it's a very horribly insensitive thing to say!! Especially given that she knows your situation.
As I have said on here many times before, I simply don't understand why other people feel any need to comment on anybody else's family size. Unless they have something really nice and cheerful to say!!
That said, if any more of you could come onto this thread and share stories about siblings you know of (or are yourself) who don't get along or don't see each other in later life, it would be fab (!) as I am getting the guilt from several people who have said things about a sibling being a 'friend for life'... like you OP it has upset me as despite logic it can be hard to shake off this idea that not 'giving' your child a sibling is in some way setting them up for a life of loneliness as an adult...
for you OP and if you can address it with your friend maybe you should as it's not a nice thing to say to your DS...
I have an only and have probably heard every idiotic statement going regarding onlies. I even heard a new one the other day. DD had won a prize at school and one of the other mums had commented on it. Conversation led on to getting kids to practice things and I happen to mention that DD had practised like mad to win this prize because she really really wanted to win this particular prize. Her response? "Oh, she is very competitive for an only isn't she...." 
God give me strength.
I don't say anything any more. Just smile, walk away and do an invisible flick of the fingers.
I think a lot of these comments come, not only from a place of ignorance/stereotyping but also a place of fear. That if you don't provide certain optimum conditions for your child they will somehow end up a sad lonely loser. Now, I don't deny the fact that having siblings will add a different dimension to your life, compared to a life without siblings. This may on the whole be positive or it might be negative. All depends on the personalities involved. But, as many have said there are no guarantees.
Very few people get to carve out the exact life they wanted in their heads for their children. This is because 'shit' you have no control over often happens in life.....
I also feel a lot of people project their own insecurities about being alone onto only children. The sort of people who will stay in awful relationships at any cost because they don't want to be on their own. The people who see someone at the cinema/restaurant on their own and feel sad etc. These types of people are unable to think outside of their own experiences and emotions. They can't recognise that other people are perfectly happy in their own skin doing things on their own etc. They have a limited range of possibilities for life in their heads. Sad really.
I am sure my DD will go through periods of her life feeling lonely. Just like I did (despite having siblings) because all humans experience loneliness. This is a fact of life. It's unusual to feel completely accepted and understood at every point in your life. What good parents can do (which mine didn't) is help children understand and process their emotions. Help them think of ways to cope with what they are feeling and find potential solutions. This is the kind of input that will give your child essential life skills to cope with what life might throw at them.
When I am feeling lonely I talk to my husband or call a friend. I wonder why I don't call my sister?? Because she makes me feel worse... (But I won't tell my daughter that)!!
Sorry, went off on a bit of a rant there. Will stop now!!
Thanks Needmorewine. When I get the 'rage' reading about what mother's of onlies get put through (don't think the dads get it as much, I wonder why..
) it all comes tumbling out!
Ridiculous isn't it. I had no idea it was even a "thing" pre DD!!
I think most people are secretly jealous 
DH & DSIL wouldn't be close either. In fact it's usually me who suggests we go visit her and our niece & nephew and it's often met with grunts and groans from DH .
I was at the funeral of both their grandparents and to be 100% honest with you, DH sought comfort in me the entire day and wasn't hugging around his sister, as I imagine he will be when his own parents die some day - very morbid I know but I get the feeling a lot of parents of only children have this huge fear that their child will be alone and unable to cope when they have to cope with the loss of their parent(s).
If they don't marry, however, they're really screwed 
Aw thanks DuchessofWeaselTown 
Glad it made sense to you.
I know exactly what you mean about not being able to discuss difficult sibling relationships in relation to having an only child. It seems it's fair game for all and sundry to talk negatively about only children but not for us to talk about the difficulties of sibling relationships.
When I'm having one of those wobbles you mention I read the long standing thread on here about all the positives of having an only child. It's a great thread with lots of wise words and encouragement.
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/one_child_families/89525-in-praise-of-only-children-the-great-things-about-having
to all of us parents of onlies and the dumb/insensitive comments we have to put up with 
Don’t want to miss threads like this?
Weekly
Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!
Log in to update your newsletter preferences.
You've subscribed!
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.