(I've name changed for this but am a regular poster)...
I realise there are many threads like this but given that every situation is different, I'd really appreciate your advice.
DH is nearing 50, I'm 39. We've been together many years & have one DS aged 4 who was the lucky & wonderful result of fertility treatment. We have the option of proceeding with frozen embryo transfer as we had a good number of excellent quality embryos saved from our one IVF attempt: still, there's no guarantee of course. We've been paying for their storage since DS's birth with the hope that we'd sometime come to use them; it's more something I've wanted, DH I feel has just gone along.
Even though DH never really wanted children & there was a lot of difficulty for us having even the one we had, he has become a wonderful, devoted father which is something that I value.
In the meantime, I've progressed with my career which I love & I now have a steady job. My DH however has long-term difficulties with work & a depressive streak (although as I said he's a wonderful, extremely hands on father: it's the area of his life that has turned out best for him, as he admits too). He feels though that having another child would destabilize him even more & would harm his (very difficult as it is) work prospects. He is generally a man who fears change while I'm more optimistic. He sees his work difficulties as inevitable; I see them largely as of his making, and the result of his choices & personality.
I feel that time is not on our side. I long for another child, can't give up on the idea of doing it all again, & feel that now that our son is starting school & I'm working in a job with very good prospects, I'm in a much better place to go through the difficult first years of motherhood again. I know DH doesn't really want another child & he constantly worries about money & about everything really. I don't see how I can give up the possibility of another child, not for this reason (his emotional / financial difficulties). I am pretty sure it would lead to long-term resentment on my part.
Any thoughts? I would love also some practical advice in terms of the real (not rose-tinted) effect of a 2nd child in terms of work...
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One-child families
I want another child, he doesn't: need advice
6 replies
Warmwoolenmittens · 17/08/2012 09:58
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