14 month year old about to start nursery one day a week and I'm having second thoughts

[foxymagoo]

I work 3 days a week and ds is looked after by his Gran on a Monday, his Granny on a Wed. and they alternate Fridays. This has been in place since I went back part time when he was 7 months and works really well (he loves his grannies especially when they give him chocolate buttons).

We agreed during my Mat. leave that the Friday childcare would be until ds was one year and he would attend nursery on that day from then. He secured a place starting next month and as its getting nearer I'm getting more and more anxious.

Completely coincidentally I've been reading 'Affluenza' by the Psychologist Oliver James (its all about how to avoid 'keeping up with the Jones's' and not mixing up your wants with needs) and have just finished a chapter all about mothers going back to work. Talk about feeling guilty! To cut a long chapter short he summarises that children under three do not benefit from nursery and in some ways (using case studies he observed) the child can become depressed and 'resigned' to being there.

One of the main reasons for sending ds there was to give him interaction with other children but he argues he is too young to benefit from this

Do I need to chill out about this and just play it by ear to see how he gets on? He has had two settling in hour sessions where he was fine but did burst into tears when I returned the second session.

Would welcome any good news stories...

[FlameParakeet]

Stupid book.

Throw my DS (slightly older but has been like it from a similar age to yours now) in with a group of other children, and he comes to life.

He is starting one morning a week from Sept and I truly believe he will love it.

[oooggs]

I went back to work when ds1 was 14 mths and he went straight to nursery 2.5 days a week. His development has excelled by copying older children, yes there were bad days when he didn't want to stay but there were alot more good days and at 3.6 he is still there now and can't wait until his brother and sister (twins) will join him when they are 12 mths. It is HIS nursery.

[HappyMummyOfOne]

The book sounds stupid to say that children get despressed by going to nursery.

He'll have a ball with all the other kids and its nice to have them to play with especially if he's an only child. They also learn to share etc with others and makes school seem less scary when they start as they are used to being with lots of children.

My DS is looked after by family 3 days a week but did go to preschool (no local nursery here) for 2 half sessions a week and loved it. Did have a few tears now and again but had that leaving him with family as he went through a clingy stage.

[cockles]

I wouldn't necessarily agree with O James either, but even if one did, all those studies about nurseries are based on children being there more than 18 hours a week. One day is very different and I am sure your son will really take to it. Having said that, yes it is a big adjustment from one-to-one care and it will take a few weeks for him to settle in. I chose nursery at this age rather than childminder and it went well, tho I think for more than 1-2 days a week a childminder would be better for many kids at this age. See how it goes and remind yourself it is not an irreversible decision. He's very lucky to have grandparents as well and I do think nursery provides some excitement and different group activities that even 1-2 year olds benefit from, tho they certainly don't 'need' it. It's down to the actual nursery in lots of ways and you will know if you are happy with it.

[foxymagoo]

Thanks everyone, and very good point cockles re: number of hours spent there. The book study was with babies who were there full time.

I think my anxiety is just a symptom of my bigger guilt at leaving him at all - which is crazy as he's a happy sociable wee boy. The playgroup we go to is 90% full time mums and I sometimes suffer from the grass is greener but I know I'm a better Mum having some days away - god did I say that out loud?