Should I go to the school governors

[ukmummy123]

Ill keep this as short as I can.

I settled my son into a school nursery December this year. It is a mainstream school with an outstanding ofsted rating. He was attending a private nursery prior to this. Whilst settling him in he was punched in the face and pulled by a young boy. Teacher didn't see this until I made her aware. He received a time out which lasted a whole 30 seconds. I then saw him pull another girls hair aggressively from Side to side for about 5 seconds. Again i intervened and the teacher saw half of the incident. I was told by another teacher the boy has learning difficulties.
Now... at this point I'm feeling worried for my son as this other boy seems to aggression issues. And in the space of half hour I saw two incidences where this young boy who needs further support clearly is hurting other children. Even worse the teachers did not witness it and may not be witnessing it on other occasions.

So I raise my concerns with the nursery manager, she said provisions have been put i in Place since the incident but these specific provisions cannot be discussed with me due to confidentiality. I asked for 1-1 care for the boy who attacked my son. They said no.
I asked if the incident was logged, she said yes. I asked if the little boys parents know about this , she said yes. I asked if the little girls parents were told about the incident , she said yes. I left the room with a little less worry as I could see they would tell me if further incidences were to happen and that they follow policy.

Now three weeks later I get to know a few mums... one being the mothers of the daughter who had her hair pulled. In a conversation we spoke about the nursery, the weather, the weekend and "oh how is your daughter after the incident the other day?" I asked. She didn't know about it. I was horrified. She want straight to the head. They apologised to her and said this wouldn't happen again.

Head teacher and nursery manager called me into a meeting the very next day and falsely accused me of breaking schools code of conduct by attempting to resolve my issue with the school by approaching another parent. I did agreed. That wasn't my intention. I explained parents talk and I have a right to although this particular convo was off school grounds. I asked why they didn't tell the mother and they said they couldn't discuss that with me due to confidentiality as it isn't about my son. I said it indirectly affects my son as you apply the same policies and rules and if I wasn't there to see him get punched perhaps you wouldn't have told me. (The daughter who got hurt cannot talk and is born this way where as my son would tell me straight away if anything happened)

They shut down the meeting and explained I could go to the school of governors if I wish and they stood up. I asked for evidence of my sons incident being logged and they said no.
I said before I left i will be straight back in to this office if I hear anything about my son being hurt.

I asked for a written letter of our meeting to sent to me so that I can send this to the school of governors. This is part of the complaints process. The response came back from the chair of the governors who explained she has no concerns and that she can't discuss matters about other children and that I can approach her about my son only. Also provisions have been out in place since my sons incident with no detail. (Not in those words)

Since then I've been pondering...
should I go to the school of governors? I'm worried as to the amount of times they have covered up children getting hurt. They told me if a child has an incident even if there is no mark they would tell the parent at the end of the day. Why do they not have more staff if they are aware the boy expresses himself aggressively. Why should other children have to manage the young boy themselves.
Before u say it... I know my son may get into altercations or situations he will have to manage in the future but not a situation like this. The head teacher did say she can't say my son will never be hit in his lifetime in the school. That isn't my point- it's how they manage those situations!

[BackforGood]

They can't provide more staff (much as the school would love to) as the funding isn't there.

They have assured you that they have put something in place since the earlier incidents - I think you have to trust them on that. After all, why wouldn't they? They have a duty of care to all the children, and obviously the more support they can put in for this little boy, the better it is going to be for everyone.

Obviously they can't discuss anything about another child with you, in the same way they wouldn't discuss anything about your child with any other parent.

Were you volunteering in class when you witnessed these incidents?

[Pumpkintopf]

Op you specifically asked if the mum of the little girl had been told? And the staff told you she had been-then you found after speaking to her she hadn't? That would give me real concerns they are not following their own procedures. I would go to the board of governors and if no joy with them, Ofsted.

[Pumpkintopf]

Also you may want to repost this in AIBU for more traffic/replies.

[womaninatightspot]

I do understand your concerns there was a child in my DS1's nursery class who was frequently agressive and it was worrying. In the end they identified it was the end of the session when most of the incidents occurred so he was picked up half an hour before everyone else.

In our nursery you have to sign an incident book if anything occurs; covers everything from toilet accidents to your child getting whacked/ whacked another, I'd be surprised if your nursery doesn't have similar?

It's a tricky line to tread, teachers find it stressful (unsurprisingly) to have aggressive children within a nursery setting. It's still quite early in the year so they're bound to be hoping he settles. If a child gets known amongst the parents as violent then he gets labelled and finds it harder to make friends. Increasing isolation leads to frustration and often more violence. That said you want to protect your child/ other children. It's not easy but I'd consider giving it a bit more time and seeing how things go.

[ukmummy123]

Hi I was settling in my son into the nursery so stayed with him on his first day. No not volunteering.

[ukmummy123]

Pumpkintopof what is aibu? I will attempt to post it in there. Yes I found out that they lied.

Yes they do have an incident book they explained that to me. But they are not following policies.

[ukmummy123]

Another thing what would the school of governors do differently?
Would they not say it's none of my business like the chair of governors and head teacher had said previously.

[Chloris33]

They are not following policies, they lied, and I really don't like the fact they told you you can't discuss it with another parent -- that kind of thing is always worrying, imo. I'm not sure what you'll get out of the school of governors. It may be that there are problems in the culture of the school.

[Banana3]

You are lucky to have governors to talk to. I would. Usually a parents instinct something isn't right is worth exploring (I say this as a former primary teacher).

The manager of our son's small nursery - which he actually loves -
has exhibited some extremely odd behaviours to us and to other parents we know. There is, however, no one above her that we can complain to so we just try to stay out of the way. She's actually great
with anyone below 3ft tall and my son adores his childcare setting. But if there were governors to speak to about the bizarre parent-communication techniques this lady employs (and tendency To send possibly ill kids home all the time without accepting doctors notes saying they are well) I'd definitely be flagging this to governors. So go for it.