Putting my son in nursery when he turns 2? I'm scared!! Help!

[clairemarie5]

I've been a stay at home mum since my son was born (20 months old now) I am thinking of getting him a place at nursery when he turns 2, maybe 2 or 3 days, so I can go back to work part time..
The thing is he's never been looked after by strangers before, only grandparents, and I'm worried the nursery nurses won't pay enough attention to him and he will feel abandoned by me. I also just feel very nervous about being away from him for myself, I'll miss him so much I'm scared I'll end up leaving a job just so I can spend every day with him again! He's like my little security blanket! :)
Did anyone else feel like this?

[Innocuoususername]

Slightly different situation OP, but I put DS1 in nursery a couple of mornings a week at 2.8. Like you I'm a SAHM and he'd only been looked after by family before. I wasn't going back to work, but I thought he was ready to mix more with other children, and be away from me. I also wanted some 1 to 1 time with DC2.
I had all the feelings you describe above, but it's been fine. There's been some tears in the first couple of weeks, but he goes down there quite happily, and at pick up time I have to drag him away!
It helped that I thought he was developmentally ready for it: even in the early days when he didn't want to be left, I knew that he'd have fun once he got used to the idea of me going and coming back.
Obviously your DS is younger and you're talking about full days, but any good nursery will have a plan for settling children in. What I would say when picking a nursery is don't be dazzled by flash facilities etc, the one I use is a bit worn round the edges but it is run by slightly older ladies with their own kids who are very ready to pick children up for a cuddle. That's the most important thing at this age IMO.

[LetticeKnollys]

I'm worried about the prospect of leaving my son, too.

Would you consider finding a childminder instead? It might be an easier transition for your DS as they give more of a 'home from home' atmosphere. You'd also know exactly who would be looking after him all day and she should hopefully be able to work with you to ease him into it.

[Innocuoususername]

Yes Lettice makes a good point, for some children a childminder setting is a better solution. DS is a bit of an introvert, he's quite happy getting on with his own thing and is more comfortable in smaller groups. Had I needed childcare for him when he was younger, I would have gone down the childminder or nanny route. Now he's a bit older he's ok in nursery, but even that's not very busy on the days he goes (maybe 15 kids max?). If the busyness of a nursery is one of the things that worries you, then maybe have a look at local childminders.

[clairemarie5]

Thanks for your messages ladies
I'm only think of working part time so it would be half days or just a few hours depending on the number of hours I worked.. so that's not too bad I guess. I've considered the childminder route too but I'm thinking maybe she would only be looking after just him, or 1 or 2 other kids at the same time so I'm thinking maybe the lack of other kids might be a bit boring for him? I don't know. I'd like him to be running around with enough kids to keep him entertained and happy the whole time.
Although he's a bit of a hitter and biter at the moment so I'm hoping he grows out of that before he goes anywhere!
I guess il have to look into it all a bit more.
I'm also scared he won't want me anymore if I drop him off somewhere multiple times a week! I'm such a klingon mummy haha god help me when he starts going to school everyday!

[TigerLily36]

I understand what you are all saying and feeling. However just like adults children need to make friends and socials its part of thier development needs. Its ok to b scared but you have to choose the right nursery to suit your child needs.

[Nolim]

Settling it at a nursery was not so easy for my lo. She would cry like mad. But now she loves it. She has learned a lot and enjoy playing with friends. I miss seing my lo during the day but i know she is well looked after and treasure even more every moment we spend together.

[Andcake]

Ds started nursery at 2.1 for 5 mornings a week and had no problems settling in! No crying at all - just got on with it. He had a wobble after a cold but was fine. In fact him doing things for Christmas made it for him and us. Loves it even going back after Christmas.
Personally I chose a nursery over cm as when I've been out at baby groups etc I've never seen one I'm impressed with.
Can you just go mornings instead of whole days - I felt that would be too much! He knows he is home after lunch (also he eats better now too)!
I was worried but just knew that I could change things if it went wrong - as in choose another thing.

[HSMMaCM]

Look around a few nurseries and CMs and see how you feel when you're there.

[Fairylea]

Not sure if it will reassure you but I had to put dd now aged 12 in a nursery 3 days a week from 6 months old and she has thrived. She is now super social, very happy and outgoing and in the top groups at everything. We have a great close relationship and she has some very happy memories of the nursery from about age 2 onwards. The most important thing is to find a good nursery and do your research.

I used to drop her off and then hang about a bit and peek through the window round the corner to see what they were up to. Often she'd be having a cuddle on someone's lap or having a story and she never complained about going.

I think it does depend on the child though. . I now have another child who is 2.5 and due to different circumstances I am a sahm and he hates other people and other children! Maybe it's the fact I am a sahm with him. Dreading him starting school!

[clairemarie5]

Thanks for the recent posts ladies, just had a peek back on here to see if anybody else had replied.. He will be 2 soon so the times getting close! :( I will start looking around at nurseries to see if I can find one I think he will feel comfortable in, that's my first port of call I think. I'm just going to have to grin and bear it when he goes :( he's been staying out once a week since birth with grandparents so I'm used to a little time away from him but not really during the week, week days are our time, I don't want the nursery to steal my time! Haha but baby needs playtime and interaction with other kids so it's all good isn't it :)