Ok, so ds1 is getting worse and worse at going.Ideas to get him to enjoy it please!

[mustrunmore]

This is a church nursery 2 mornings a week, as a practice for his preschool place in January (and to give me time with ds2).
He's been going 8 weeks or so, once a week until last week, now up to 2 days.
First he was ok, then ok until we got there. Now he'll sit screaming on the sofa refusing to get dressed.
I leave him crying with the staff.
He's fine when I pick him up , but says 'hello, I cried a little bit' as his first greeting to me
The staff say he's ok once he's there.

i just cant face more screaming and tears in the morning.
Is it going to be like this every afternoon at state nursey too do you think?

[draggedthrooabush]

What age is he?

My d.s (3) has just started going to nursery school for 3 afternoons aweek (2hrs )
He did not enjoy going to playgroup and became distressed at the thought of me going home with his baby brother without him. All through the summer he has told me he is not going to nusery as he is "not 4 yet."

However a friend of mine told me about a method she used with her son and so far we have had success! Make up a lucky dip box with treats for your child wrapped up. (I bought some cheap pocket money toys from tesco and asda mixed in with some sticker/story books) It didnt cost the earth and he now looks forward to coming home from nursery to choose his lucky dip which he gets if he has been a clever boy!(ie not screaming and making a fuss about going)

I personally think that sometimes they get into a pattern of behaviour that they find hard to break out of. I'm going to nursery and that where I cry. My son is now happily going to nursery and I'm sure that he will soon forget all about the lucky dip box.

Incidently before i had my 2 boys i was a nursery nurse and it really is true that the child only cries for a short while and usually settles and becomes engaged with something within 5 minutes of their parent leaving so dont worry.

Good luck.

[mustrunmore]

Thanks so much for replying. He's 3 in November. The lucky dip is a nice idea, although am I looking into it too deeply if I see lots of variables, such as: if he's genuinely upset, isnt it mean to not give him a dip, as he cant help being genuinely unhappy?Where do you draw the line between unhappy and tantrumy? What if he doesn'tgrow out of it and then wants something every day for school nursery? Then it'll be negative to him before he's even given it a chance, as there's no way he's having 5 things a week!

Wish me luck; we're off at 8.15. dh is at home this morn, but wants to stay with ds2 as he's too scared of crying when ds1 does!

[harpsichordcarrier]

mustrunmore, sorry you are having a grim time.
why does he say he doesn't want to go? tbh if he really hates it i would not make him go and ait a few weeks. at the moment, as far as i can see, no-one is getting anything out of it.
what about another sort of child care? what about if you stayed with him for a few weeks and see if that helped?

[mustrunmore]

Well they do say he's fine after I've gone. I feel confident enough that they'd call me if he was really bad , not least because he'd be disturbing the rest of the children. He doesn't really express any more than that he doesn't want to go, just wants to stay at home. We did 2 sessions of staying with him as an induction, and he was ok after that, is only getting worse now.
Not sure about other childcare, as a) I wanted thisd to be a practice for him before he goes to school nursery b) I want him to socialise with others his age c) we prob couldn't afford anything else; this is £12 for 4 hours.

[yorkshirepud]

Mustrunmore, I am in exactly the same position as you and I feel sick at the thought of playgroup tomorrow. Ds (2.5) went for a couple of weeks before the summer and loved it for 2 weeks then started to cry and want me to stay. They had to phone me one day because he was inconsolable. I am a primary school teacher so have been on the other side of it, and I'm happy to leave him in tears because I know that they always stop after 10 - 20 mins and that it's much worse for the mum dropping them off. But I also know that when ds gets that distressed (v rare) only mum will do. God it's horrible. I'm desperate for him to get used to other children and adults and it's a great playgroup with all the things he loves and kind workers.

Good luck to you. I hope it goes ok for him. Let us know what happens.

[Raggydoll]

when ds started nursery he went for 2 mornings per week and it started really well and he couldn't wait to go - then suddenly after about 4 weeks in he started to get really upset, this lasted quite a while - about 3 or 4 months - he wasn't inconsolable but he did cry alot when i left - then slowly he cried less and less and now he literally runs into nursery and usually forgets to even give me a kiss!! He started on his second birtday and he will be three in November.

At the time it was hard but I had the confidence to persevere because I was really happy with the nursery and also other moms at the nursery had told me similar stories about their lo's. I guess my advice is, if you are happy he is having a good time then stick at it and the drop off's will get easier. hth

[yorkshirepud]

Thanks raggydoll. Will definitely persevere.

[Raggydoll]

no probs - good luck with playgroup today.

[yorkshirepud]

Playgroup went wonderfully well, but now I'm thinking that it won't last!!!He said he didn't want to go, but once we were there he took one look at the train set and kissed me goodbye. Thanks for your support.

[yorkshirepud]

Hmm, that's a tricky one. He's had 2 major changes in one go - you leaving him, and not having an afternoon sleep, so he's bound to be weepy and tired. I think it's very normal that they suddenly realise youre not there and get tearful. Same said about my ds (2.6). I suppose we have to rely on the carer's skill to comfort and distract, which they always do. So don't feel bad about that because he will get used to it. But the nap thing is more difficult, unless you get him up really early! Sorry. That's not much help.

[sorrell]

I'd take him out. He sounds miserable and so do you. Not all nurseries are the same by any means. They have different staff, different kids, different methods. Assuming that because he's unhappy at this nursery he wont' be able to settle at the pre-school is really assuming too much IMO. It's like saying because you are unhappy in one job, you will always be unhappy in all jobs. Try another nursery.

[yorkshirepud]

Have also just left ds1 crying so am sitting here eating Cadbury's Heroes. I know I stayed too long with him this morning. So much for my great advice. However, the nursery leader came and took him into her arms and I haven't had a phone call yet. I think, Iwearflares, that you should def. have a word with the staff because if you're not happy about the level of care - bearing in mind that it does take time to settle in - then look for another place. It doesn't make you a stroppy mum at all. If you didn't return to work when ds was born then you've probably been joined at the hip for 2 and a half years (like us) and it's a massive thing for you not to be there when he looks up. Good luck to you both.