14 month old still clingy at nursery

[brodydom77]

My 14 month old boy has been at nursery 2 days a week for about 6 months. The nursery has a camera you can log in to watch and from what I can tell he's getting lots of cuddles and affection and attention and he seems content enough.

However, I've noticed his feet barely seem to touch the ground - he's needing cuddles all day long and when the nursery staff try to put him down it doesn't take long before he's reaching up and needs to be held again. The staff are really nice and they don't seem phased or worried about it at all, but at home and at the groups I take him to he's very active and loves nothing more than charging around and playing with the toys. The nursery staff seem to be trying to get him to engage with activities, but I'm worried that he doesn't seem to be actually doing anything there.

He usually eats and sleeps ok there and he's usually smiley with the staff when we drop him off so I know he's not desperately unhappy, but I feel like he's just watching all day rather than playing. Is this normal? I'm considering a childminder instead but I don't want to unsettle him if it's not necessary.

[HSMMaCM]

It sounds like the staff are lovely and giving him lots of attention. Lots of children need to do the watching, before the joining in. If they are happy giving him lots of cuddles, he will soon be happy and secure enough to go off and play.

[zebarella]

Our two year old is still very clingy when being dropped off at nursery. He seems fine in the day but he still has a bit of a wobble whenever we drop him off.

[pombal]

It's the 2 days a week.
He would settle quicker if he went full time. Not suggesting that he does, just explaining.

When mine started I put them in 5 days a week to start, but for short days so the acclimatised quicker then reduced the number of days but made the days longer.

Don't know if you could try something like that.

[brodydom77]

Thanks for your messages, yeah I think being part time means it's taking him longer to adjust, but I thought after 6 months things would be better by now. Surely?

Things feel like they're getting worse rather than better and they've recently struggled to settle him down to sleep, something that's never a problem at home. I feel like the staff just tell me what they think I want to hear when I pick him up and they just say 'yeah it's fine, it takes time'. Do others feel like that? If I couldn't see it for myself on the nursery camera I think I'd be completely in the dark as to how unsettled he is. Because he's only part time I feel like they're just sitting it out rather than trying to do anything about it long term. Or maybe that's unfair?

Zeberella - we have the opposite problem, our little boy is ok when we drop him off, but I think maybe that's because we always hand him over for a cuddle with his favourite staff member. He was upset for the first few months and then it got easier.

[samarcanda]

Hi, I m having the same issue. My daughter is 15 months and going 2 days per week from February and she still hasn t settled. She is a tough cookie (generally very clingy to me - she had meningitis when she was a newborn and was in hospital for a while, maybe she doesn't trust the outside world because of that or maybe she s just a difficult baby)
She only likes her key worker and wants to be held by her all the time. The rest of the staff has tried to gain her trust but no one else seem to have succeeded.
I don t like that they never really want to acknowledge that she is having issues, they say everything is fine but I find her with red eyes all the time and in a very withdrawn mood. It also seems to be getting worse as I am assuming the staff might just be giving upon her and let her cry more.
What are you doing? Are you thinking of taking him out? Have you raised the issue with management?

[brodydom77]

sorry to hear you're having a hard time too samarcanda, sounds really tough, has she become withdrawn at home too?
We're lucky in that our nursery has a camera (although t's expensive to use) so we were able to log in and see what was happening. To be fair, he's mostly doing ok but that's only because they're very good about cuddling him all the time. I don't think they see it as being a problem because he's fine if he's getting cuddles, but I feel like he should be running around and playing like he would anywhere else. I keep thinking 'let's just give it time and it'll get better', but it seems just the same really. When we talk to the nursery manager about it she doesn't seem to think it's a problem - she's new and I feel like she's just trying to paint a rosy picture to keep us happy. We tried raising it with her manager but we hit a brick wall. Do you have a parents evening coming up? Hopefully that's a good time to talk about it.

[JassyRadlett]

I think it's a difficult age and 2 days a week is really difficult.

My DS started nursery at 9 months - it was only when we increased the number of days that he really settled and even then it took months for him to be confident. He's at nursery 4 days a week and massively confident now, though he went through a setback at the beginning of the year when he changed rooms and was suddenly the youngest in the room, it took him a couple of months to find his confidence with a lot of gentle support from the staff.

What would success look like for you, in terms of the kind of action you want the nursery to take? It sounds like the nursery is properly child-led including cuddles when cuddles are wanted, and 14mo is quite a tricky age in terms of joining in activities, etc, if the child isn't interested or would prefer a cuddle.