Once children are out of nappies, most are expected to be a bit more independent when using the potty/loo. I would make sure that DD knows that she has to shout someone when she is in the loo to get some help. I don't wipe children if they have had a wee- I give them a piece of tissue and encourage them to do it themsleves I wipe bums if they call me or if I notice they are in the loo Sometimes, in a busy room where children have free access to the bathroom, it is not always easy to keep check on individual children and often they go by themselves. I would suggest the issue is not the wiping afterwards but because the knickers smell of wee, I suspect your DD is having small accidents in her knickers and this is going un-noticed. By the time she gets home they are dry but she will have been in them all day and hence the soreness. I would suggest to the room leader that she monitors and records how many times your dd is going to the loo, and to check that her knickers are clean and dry. I would also suggest that you encourage your dd to tell someone when she needs some help
I would tell her again and say the is evidence this isn't happening I.e knickers marked etc. - if she is dismissive then tell her you will raise it with the next level up - nursery manager or equivalent.
In other respects we have been really pleased with dd's nursery, where she has been going since she was 9months old. She is now 2.5, and since she moved up to the bigger toddlers room she has been coming home, most days, with really sore labia and her knickers smelling of wee - once even a really big poo skidmark that had obviously not been wiped. Sometimes she is so sore she cry's when she is having a wee because it stings! Metanium overnight usually sorts it out, but it just happens again the next time she goes in.
I've gone to talk to the head of the room four times now that I am concerned she is not being wiped properly after using the potty, three times she was nice, and said they would be more on the case, but last time she said that she was sure she was being wiped properly, and basically gave me the impression she thought I was making a fuss about nothing, or that whatever was going on it wasn't her problem. On the one hand it is hard, as different workers take the kids to the toilet, but I strongly feel that since she is not in nappies, she should not be getting nappy rash! I don't want to make a big fuss, but I don't really know what to do from here....