Lies, drugs, cheating...

[Bananarama1]

Ok, so I've never gone to the Internet for support before, but as my life appears to be crumbling around me I do not want to turn to anyone in my real life for help because that would make what is happening a true reality.

I've been in a relationship with a loving man I met 2 years ago after my previous relationship of 5 years fell apart under awful circumstances. After this I became very fragile but managed to be brave enough to move on.

I love this man dearly and we are at the stage where we have decided to try for a baby. I have severe endometriosis and we agreed we would start trying after my next surgery, only a matter of weeks away.

Shortly after we met in 2012 (5 weeks or so in to the relationship) he went on an overseas trip with a friend. On his return he told me he had kissed a couple of girls, but it was a drunken thing and meant nothing and he felt really bad about it. I was incredibly upset as I believed we were in an exclusive relationship at that stage. I considered ending things there and then, but stayed, hoping I wouldn't regret it.

Less than a year later I discovered an online dating app on his phone, I had checked his phone the previous day and it wasn't there, so he had obviously only just downloaded it. There appeared to be no contact with women. He deleted it straight away and although I was hurt and upset I forgave him and we moved on.

Things were going great for a while. Although sex if often an issue as I get bad pain post sex and he has issues with his hips/legs which leaves him in pain after sex too. I encourage a healthy sex life but often he isn't interested and I usually feel like I'm nagging him. Which is awful.

We really enjoy each other's company and we do generally have a very good relationship, we do make a good couple and are very close.

Although recently I have noticed he has been using drugs very frequently. I know he uses them with friends sometimes on the weekends. But I had to go on a long overseas trip (6 weeks) and he was spending much of this time partying on the weekends with friends and using drugs most, if not all of those weekends. On my return I noticed this didn't stop. We would go out with friends and he would be the only person who was taking drugs. He then admitted he started taking drugs at work once a week or so (he has a very respectable and professional job). He is mostly using speed and cocaine. Recently we were out for dinner with his parents on a week night when I noticed something was up. I asked him if he was on anything and he admitted he had taken speed at work before leaving for dinner. I mean seriously?

After many days of discussion he agreed to stop taking drugs. He said he would stay completely sober (no drink or drugs) for a month. Which he did. Until on the weekend when he went to a big event in our city with his friends. He promised he would just have a few beers and as I had told his friends he had begun to form an unhealthy drug habit they were on board and agreed that they would encourage him not to. To cut this very long story short I came home after spending the weekend away and asked him if he had taken drugs, he said no. Next day I found a screwed up note with a list of drugs for him and each of his friends and the prices. I was furious.

My trust in him had obviously gone out the window. I got his computer out to see what other lies he had been hiding and (un)surprisingly I found a whatsapp conversation saved and emailed to himself from a girl he met on a night out at a bucks weekend interstate about 5 months ago. The messages didn't suggest anything sexual but they were very friendly. Yesterday I confronted him about the drug note/price list and the email. He agreed he was wrong to lie to me about the drugs but insisted nothing happened with the girl. Apparently he was dancing with this woman (a German traveller) in a nightclub but was kicked out for being drunk. As he didn't have a key to get into the apartment he was renting with his friends he had no where to go so went back to the hostel were the girl was staying and spent 3-4 hours lying in a bunk bed in a hostel dorm with her. He said nothing happened. He didn't kiss or touch her...nothing...

Do I believe a thing he says? Do I continue to stay with him? Should I leave him? I love him and so want a family with him (if my body will allow me) but can't continue to be hurt by him.

Pleas help! :(

Any opinion and advice would be much appreciated.

[HappyHalloweenMotherFucker]

Should you have a family with a lying, cheating drug user ?

Hell, no

[Oblique27]

He sounds like a complete dead loss to me....sorry to be blunt but drugs (once, never mind regularly) would be a terminal fault for me. Do you rent or own property together? I would be disengaging from him ASAP