Mumsnet Talk

Hi

I was the victim of a serving police officer who since being sacked for the sexual assault on me, has committed more offences, and I am being interviewed again by the police in order to see if the case will this time go to court. Previously it was felt that the case was not strong enough.

Certainly if I had known how tough the process was, and the ordeal of challenging police interviews into my past, I would have never, never reported it. Everything I seem to have done in the past which has no relation to the assault has been twisted and thrown at me by the police.

They say the law has changed, and that police should be more understanding, but this is, in my case a complete farce.

Such a shame for women in these circumstances, as I am sure I am not alone to have had a similar experience.

Great campaign. Well done to all involved. The healing effect of being believed is very important to a victim's recovery. In order to make sure female victims' voices are heard, we need to resolve the issue of the top tier male dominated judiciary and police force. For far too long, sexual violence against women, in all its forms, has contributed to women being under-represented in the decision making levels of our society.

I'm finding hard to recover from being raped and beaten...what is making even harder is that the police said they didn't have enough evidence and didn't even take it to CPS. What can you do if they just dont care about this????

Bexley, I should have thanked you too. I also was in a terrible position. My ex bf, the rapist and abuser, was a conman who was volunteering for a rape and abuse line. I had everyone against me from the start, I got humiliated and degraded by the police and many ordinary people too.

Today, reading your post, I felt less alone. So that's me also thanking you for having posted here.
Big big hug xx

I am sorry, Bexley and sparrowmina. I believe you.

Dear Merlin Scot,
From my heart I thank you for your kind words.
Whe I talk to the public they do care and understand and it does mean a lot to me.

However when it comes to being listened to by the Police then I am humiliated and degraded by them. I am mocked and laughed at.

The Estate Agent i spoke of is very very rich ( probably a millionaire by now),and I am of no equity or social standing. When you are poor and have nothing then it does seem that you are an easy target to both abuse and dismiss within the legal system.

Now that legal aid is being taken from us, we have no chance of ever being listened to or helped. I am not young and my age now is a big factor in no one in the legal field listening.

I cannot come on here that often, but I wish you all well and hope that your lives will be healthy and happy. I will keep fighting for justice and this site has helped me to feel that some one cares about us and does listen to us.Thank you again Merlin Scot xx

BexleyFemale, thanks for posting your story!! And thumbs up for your courage in trying to get justice. You're not alone in that, justice was denied to many. Big hug

I am very pleased to have come accross this site.

I was a tenant in a rented property in Bexley borough. I thought the Estate Agent i rented it from was a nice and sincere man.( He owned the company) However he turned out to be a wolf in sheeps clothing. I was terribly abused by him and he committed a dreadult sexual assault upon me and i had to go to hospital and to theatre to be stitched up.

He was never prosecuted and even though I put an appeal in, it has been confirmed that it was never read. As for Keir Starmer he did not care that I had lost my appeal for the CPS to look at convicting the Estate Agent without it even being read. In fact Keir Starmer was not even bothered. ( My MP David Evennett and myself wrote to him)

This Estate Agent has now moved offices to Plumstead (Greenwich borough)and bought out a well known name there that he uses. He is still dealing with vulnerable people with children. I know for a fact he likes women who have children. I think it turns him on to abuse mums.

All this happened to me a few years ago and now I am still being abused by him as he shouts at me from cars, but the Police just do not care.

There are going to be young adults who looks for rented properties and I know full well they they will be looking upon him as a kind man. But once he sucks them into his charms then some of them will fall prey to his evil ways.

He will be an estate agent for a long time to come and those who may be in their teens now will in the next few years be looking to leave home and rent a property. I just hope that it wont be through him!

Thank you for the campaign and support and your stories
I saw the item on Breakfast News and this is what prompted me to talk about what had been happening to me for the first time ever.
I am, today, exactly one week free from a 14 year long abusive relationship.
I feel like telling everyone I meet, but realise that nobody would ever have guessed what I had been going through. So I'm smiling at strangers in passing cars instead!
I'm unbearably sad for all that has been lost during this time but hope that I can make my future a meaningful and valuable one
Thank you mumsnet

I just saw your 'OMG what were your first thoughts after you POAS?' thread

I'm not sure if this has already been covered on this discussion but my only experience of doing this was when finding out that I was pregnant after I'd been raped.
It's already been established that most women are raped by men who they know
In my case he refused to leave my home and I was faced with the prospect of having another child within a violent, bullying, repressive environment.
Being in a position where my attacker could have serious negative effects on my child from birth lead me to 'protect' it by having a termination.
It has taken me years to forgive myself for this decision, made when I felt trapped, shocked and terrified of the future.
A positive POAS result is not always a pleasant surprise
I wonder what help is available to victims several weeks after the attack when they may find that they are pregnant but are still suffering from the initial trauma of the attack?
I found it easy to give stock answers to my GP and doctors at the clinic in order to obtain a termination. I often wished that I'd been abale to find another way out or that the questions asked had been a little more searching

The play was today btw in case anyone wants to listen on I player.

That's all very well from the BBC, but I was shocked to hear the R4 afternoon play where a woman faked a rape to discredit a global warming denier. I know it's fiction but that sort of thing really undermines our message, sewing the seed of doubt towards other women. I was pretty shocked, especially to hear it played out. Disappointed really. Still, I guess it makes for more interesting radio than a story about a women who has actually been raped, and no one believes her.

today on bbc news

Smiley my daughter is older but found terrific help through solace women's centre in Camden she has received counselling and body therapy they have been intelligently supportive helping her to realise she was not at fault in any way and helping relieve her trauma.

School would def be a good place to start, sex education is not complete without coverage of this subject. Recently my daughter revealed her uncle had shown her porn when she was a teenager she had no idea it was sexual abuse so maybe outlining the legal perameters might be a good idea. When I warned my 15 year old son about his uncles behaviour he said he didn't know what the fuss was about! Teens are easy picking if they don't have knowledge.

School would def be a good place to start, sex education is not complete without coverage of this subject. Recently my daughter revealed her uncle had shown her porn when she was a teenager she had no idea it was sexual abuse so maybe outlining the legal perameters might be a good idea. When I warned my 15 year old son about his uncles behaviour he said he didn't know what the fuss was about! Teens are easy picking if they don't have knowledge.

Hi

Thanks for your supportive messages and I will keep going!!! it is so important that every victim is offered support and compassion and made to feel they made the right choice by reporting. We did go to the police but after a lot of heartache and the police telling us they would take it as far as possible but convictions are hard to get, we made the choice to drop charges, which was a horrendous choice to have to make. We have had wonderful support from the agencies. If only I could trade places with her or make it all go away then yes I would do it in a heartbeat, but the best I can do is offer support and hopefully the knowledge that things will change and her story can help others.

Smiler what an utterly horrid thing to happen to your daughter.

I have no words of advice as such but PLEASE keep going, keep fighting. I'm appalled that the school have not acted on the bullying, that in itself is hard to live with, let alone what your DD has been through.

Can I ask, please don't answer if you'd rather not, did you or your DD report the rape to the police? If so, what was the outcome?

If you'd rather not say, I understand completely. I just wondered what action they had taken.

I'm so upset for her, your DD. I hope that as time passes, she will realise that this is NOT her fault, she didn't 'ask for it' or any of the other remarks that get bandied about with situations like this.

Has she or you spoken to RAPE CRISIS or WOMENS AID?

Maybe you could both look on the website?

Why not stay on this thread and talk about it for a while? I should imagine that you are also suffering with this. And, I have little doubt that if you could swap places with her, you would in a heartbeat.

Oh smiler I'm so sorry

That must be heart-breaking for you all, but so glad your daughter is getting stronger all the time. She does sound amazing. She is so lucky to have you and your absolute support. Am so sorry she has experienced bullying at school after her terrible experience. That is awful too. You must be so angry and upset I imagine. I hope she has some good friends though who can support her through this.

We believe you both.

Hi
I just wanted to post my daughters story, she was raped in the summer, she was almost 15 and a virgin. When she finally felt strong enough to tell us, it broke our hearts. We gave her all the support we could and got her all the external support and advise we could and as a family decided we would get through this. The part we have struggled with the most is my daughters peers at school, she has been bullied on such a level we had to with draw her from school as she was close to having a break down. A group of girls have decided this could not have happened so she must have made it up!! I really wish they could have witnessed the trauma, grief and complete helplessness I have seen, and how their cruel comments have effected her. Her School said they do not know what to do and she should just keep coming to school!!,bit hard when you are at total breaking point. The thing that keeps me going, is my daughter she is totally amazing and getting stronger. We need to educate girls that victims do not deserve this treatment, that they can speak out and will be believed. This can be done at school. Thank you MN for giving all these strong beautiful women and girls, a voice to speak, WE DO BELIEVE YOU. I am still having meetings with the school to try and work with them about educating about rape and consent but they seem unwilling to do anything. Please anyone who has any positive advise pass it on to me.

Thankyou Mumsnet for this campaign. And a huge thank you to Rape Crisis for all the help I have had over the years. To any one thinking of asking for help please keep trying, and it can take months, when you do get through it will be worth it.
The counselling I received restored my belief in myself. Really gives you hope, just having someone listen, believing you and support you through all the emotional and messed up feelings.
To everyone who believed in me when I did not believe in myself, including DH. Rare and special people. Thank you
With me I had hidden all of the memories (its what I did to survive) and was scarily horribly angry when DS was small. After shutting myself in a room on my own and banging my head on the wall, I realised that this was not right, felt a bit weird to go to GP with it, so I rang Rape Crisis.
Got to the bottom of what I was angry about, abuse at age twelve, rape at age 20, never reported, thought nobody would believe me because I was a drunk punk I had every right to be angry.
Very proud mum of DD, DS, both at uni, both brilliant lovely people.
To any one just starting out with healing from any of this stuff, there is light at the end of the tunnel. It’s not your fault, it’s theirs. And I BELIEVE ALL OF YOU.