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We Believe You: we're launching our rape awareness campaign today.

(522 Posts)
KateMumsnet (MNHQ) Fri 09-Mar-12 15:56:08

Today, we're very proud to be launching a new campaign. It's called 'We Believe You', and it's inspired by the many MNers who've asked us to speak out about the prevalence of rape and sexual assault in women's lives.

While we're at it, we're going to try to explode, once and for all, some pernicious myths about rape - about who does it, what it is, and whom it can happen to. These myths mean that many victims are denied justice: our survey confirmed that most don't report their rape or sexual assault, for fear of being disbelieved.

So the message of our campaign is in the title - we believe you. We hope MNers will get behind it, and spread that message far and wide - on Facebook, and on Twitter, using the hashtag #webelieveyou. And don't forget to let us know what you think here on this thread.

We're also giving a shout-out to Rape Crisis, the End Violence Against Women coalition, and Barnardo's - all of whom are supporting our campaign. They all work hard on sexual violence issues - either by supporting those who've experienced it, or campaigning for better prevention strategies - so do see if you can help them out.

MNHQ x

WhistlingPot Sun 13-Jul-14 11:22:22

BexleyFemale777 I am so sorry to read of your situation, and that somehow your post has gone unanswered. I hope you have found some support somewhere to help you with your ordeal.

I will echo your sentiment in asking all victims of abuse to please stay strong and have faith.

Perhaps this campaign can be reignited and extended in light of the current Inquiry into the covering up of high profile paedophile activity?

To all those who have suffered, or who are suffering, rape or sexual abuse, whether childhood or otherwise, I believe you.

BexleyFemale777 Sun 09-Mar-14 23:50:00

Women are being sexually assaulted/ abused and yet still Met Police seem to ignore what is happening.

It is painful for me to tell you all that Met Police Lewisham Sapphire (Originally Plumstead Sapphire) pretended to re-open my case of serious sexual assault committed upon me by an owner of an Estate Agents some years ago.

The first investigation 2005 was a sham and that 'exact same Police Sapphire team of 2005' were later paraded on National TV in 2008/09 as being unfit for purpose.( The time of taxi driver John Worboyes being in papers.)

In 2013 after years of personal pain I went to Police with all the concrete evidence of the shocking way my case was handled years earlier. The Police CRIS report of 05/06 proved that Police had lied from day one. I had got the report from the Public Access Office. I also got evidence from my GP and local hospital.

However Lewisham Sapphire Police just pretended to re investigate my case, and I can tell you now that all Police did was re interview me on video tape and nothing else, not a single thing. It has been a total whitewash. They never spoke to my abuser.

They treated me and spoke to me as if I was a women of no intelligence. I feel emotionally raped by them.

The only reason they interviewed me again was to shut me up and say they had looked at my case again. In fact they did nothing except 'pretend' to reopen the case so as to justify themselves.

In the so called second investigation as I have already said they never even spoke to my abuser the Estate Agent again....and yet they said it was to be investigated as if it had never been investigated before. They even had a new Police Cris number. But in truth they were just fooling me and obviously had no real intentions of taking matters further or putting anything to the CPS.

Victims of John Worboyes recently won a court case against the 'exact same Police unit' and are getting compensation. But other women like myself who cases were not in the papers cannot find solicitors who want to fight for us.

I tried and I failed. I now have to try and live with it.

If I do wrong I get punished, but there is one rule for the poor and another for the rich. Nervous breakdowns happens for many reasons.

I ask all victims of abuse to please stay strong and have faith that one day happiness will shine in our lives again.

Sadly I probably wont be on here for a while. God bless.

vikic1989 Thu 06-Mar-14 11:25:44

I want to raise awearness of the fact 1 out of 100 rapes get convicted. Due to lack of evidence or whatever if rapists do not get convicted therefore they will continue to rape! Rape is rape people need to remember that. Don't matter if offender and victim were friends family no means no! Not enough rapist are getting convicted and it will stop people who have been raped coming forward due to lack of support from justice system ! Someone please help me share my points and views.

FunKitten Fri 22-Mar-13 18:49:04

Hi

I was the victim of a serving police officer who since being sacked for the sexual assault on me, has committed more offences, and I am being interviewed again by the police in order to see if the case will this time go to court. Previously it was felt that the case was not strong enough.

Certainly if I had known how tough the process was, and the ordeal of challenging police interviews into my past, I would have never, never reported it. Everything I seem to have done in the past which has no relation to the assault has been twisted and thrown at me by the police.

They say the law has changed, and that police should be more understanding, but this is, in my case a complete farce.

Such a shame for women in these circumstances, as I am sure I am not alone to have had a similar experience.

familylawmum Wed 20-Mar-13 12:08:07

Great campaign. Well done to all involved. The healing effect of being believed is very important to a victim's recovery. In order to make sure female victims' voices are heard, we need to resolve the issue of the top tier male dominated judiciary and police force. For far too long, sexual violence against women, in all its forms, has contributed to women being under-represented in the decision making levels of our society.

Nevergivingup Thu 25-Oct-12 15:37:52

I'm finding hard to recover from being raped and beaten...what is making even harder is that the police said they didn't have enough evidence and didn't even take it to CPS. What can you do if they just dont care about this????
sad

MerlinScot Mon 09-Jul-12 21:40:04

Bexley, I should have thanked you too. I also was in a terrible position. My ex bf, the rapist and abuser, was a conman who was volunteering for a rape and abuse line. I had everyone against me from the start, I got humiliated and degraded by the police and many ordinary people too.

Today, reading your post, I felt less alone. So that's me also thanking you for having posted here.
Big big hug smile xx

SweetTheSting Mon 09-Jul-12 15:35:46

I am sorry, Bexley and sparrowmina. I believe you.

BexleyFemale777 Mon 09-Jul-12 10:58:07

Dear Merlin Scot,
From my heart I thank you for your kind words.
Whe I talk to the public they do care and understand and it does mean a lot to me.

However when it comes to being listened to by the Police then I am humiliated and degraded by them. I am mocked and laughed at.

The Estate Agent i spoke of is very very rich ( probably a millionaire by now),and I am of no equity or social standing. When you are poor and have nothing then it does seem that you are an easy target to both abuse and dismiss within the legal system.

Now that legal aid is being taken from us, we have no chance of ever being listened to or helped. I am not young and my age now is a big factor in no one in the legal field listening.

I cannot come on here that often, but I wish you all well and hope that your lives will be healthy and happy. I will keep fighting for justice and this site has helped me to feel that some one cares about us and does listen to us.Thank you again Merlin Scot xx

MerlinScot Mon 09-Jul-12 10:15:00

BexleyFemale, thanks for posting your story!! And thumbs up for your courage in trying to get justice. You're not alone in that, justice was denied to many. Big hug smile

BexleyFemale777 Mon 09-Jul-12 09:30:49

I am very pleased to have come accross this site.

I was a tenant in a rented property in Bexley borough. I thought the Estate Agent i rented it from was a nice and sincere man.( He owned the company) However he turned out to be a wolf in sheeps clothing. I was terribly abused by him and he committed a dreadult sexual assault upon me and i had to go to hospital and to theatre to be stitched up.

He was never prosecuted and even though I put an appeal in, it has been confirmed that it was never read. As for Keir Starmer he did not care that I had lost my appeal for the CPS to look at convicting the Estate Agent without it even being read. In fact Keir Starmer was not even bothered. ( My MP David Evennett and myself wrote to him)

This Estate Agent has now moved offices to Plumstead (Greenwich borough)and bought out a well known name there that he uses. He is still dealing with vulnerable people with children. I know for a fact he likes women who have children. I think it turns him on to abuse mums.

All this happened to me a few years ago and now I am still being abused by him as he shouts at me from cars, but the Police just do not care.

There are going to be young adults who looks for rented properties and I know full well they they will be looking upon him as a kind man. But once he sucks them into his charms then some of them will fall prey to his evil ways.

He will be an estate agent for a long time to come and those who may be in their teens now will in the next few years be looking to leave home and rent a property. I just hope that it wont be through him!

MissCarriageOfJustice Fri 08-Jun-12 18:11:48

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

sparrowmina Fri 27-Apr-12 19:56:26

Thank you for the campaign and support and your stories
I saw the item on Breakfast News and this is what prompted me to talk about what had been happening to me for the first time ever.
I am, today, exactly one week free from a 14 year long abusive relationship.
I feel like telling everyone I meet, but realise that nobody would ever have guessed what I had been going through. So I'm smiling at strangers in passing cars instead!
I'm unbearably sad for all that has been lost during this time but hope that I can make my future a meaningful and valuable one
Thank you mumsnet

ivorbinwronged Fri 20-Apr-12 00:44:17

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

sparrowmina Mon 16-Apr-12 09:46:55

I just saw your 'OMG what were your first thoughts after you POAS?' thread

I'm not sure if this has already been covered on this discussion but my only experience of doing this was when finding out that I was pregnant after I'd been raped.
It's already been established that most women are raped by men who they know
In my case he refused to leave my home and I was faced with the prospect of having another child within a violent, bullying, repressive environment.
Being in a position where my attacker could have serious negative effects on my child from birth lead me to 'protect' it by having a termination.
It has taken me years to forgive myself for this decision, made when I felt trapped, shocked and terrified of the future.
A positive POAS result is not always a pleasant surprise
I wonder what help is available to victims several weeks after the attack when they may find that they are pregnant but are still suffering from the initial trauma of the attack?
I found it easy to give stock answers to my GP and doctors at the clinic in order to obtain a termination. I often wished that I'd been abale to find another way out or that the questions asked had been a little more searching

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Dillytante Wed 28-Mar-12 18:59:53

The play was today btw in case anyone wants to listen on I player.

Dillytante Wed 28-Mar-12 18:59:08

That's all very well from the BBC, but I was shocked to hear the R4 afternoon play where a woman faked a rape to discredit a global warming denier. I know it's fiction but that sort of thing really undermines our message, sewing the seed of doubt towards other women. I was pretty shocked, especially to hear it played out. Disappointed really. Still, I guess it makes for more interesting radio than a story about a women who has actually been raped, and no one believes her.

mousymouseafraidofdogs Wed 28-Mar-12 11:06:09
Elsbet Mon 26-Mar-12 22:36:12

Smiley my daughter is older but found terrific help through solace women's centre in Camden she has received counselling and body therapy they have been intelligently supportive helping her to realise she was not at fault in any way and helping relieve her trauma.

Elsbet Mon 26-Mar-12 22:29:19

School would def be a good place to start, sex education is not complete without coverage of this subject. Recently my daughter revealed her uncle had shown her porn when she was a teenager she had no idea it was sexual abuse so maybe outlining the legal perameters might be a good idea. When I warned my 15 year old son about his uncles behaviour he said he didn't know what the fuss was about! Teens are easy picking if they don't have knowledge.

Elsbet Mon 26-Mar-12 22:23:09

School would def be a good place to start, sex education is not complete without coverage of this subject. Recently my daughter revealed her uncle had shown her porn when she was a teenager she had no idea it was sexual abuse so maybe outlining the legal perameters might be a good idea. When I warned my 15 year old son about his uncles behaviour he said he didn't know what the fuss was about! Teens are easy picking if they don't have knowledge.

smiler70 Mon 26-Mar-12 20:48:00

Hi

Thanks for your supportive messages and I will keep going!!! it is so important that every victim is offered support and compassion and made to feel they made the right choice by reporting. We did go to the police but after a lot of heartache and the police telling us they would take it as far as possible but convictions are hard to get, we made the choice to drop charges, which was a horrendous choice to have to make. We have had wonderful support from the agencies. If only I could trade places with her or make it all go away then yes I would do it in a heartbeat, but the best I can do is offer support and hopefully the knowledge that things will change and her story can help others.

Mouseface Mon 26-Mar-12 13:53:10

sad sad sad Smiler what an utterly horrid thing to happen to your daughter.

I have no words of advice as such but PLEASE keep going, keep fighting. I'm appalled that the school have not acted on the bullying, that in itself is hard to live with, let alone what your DD has been through.

Can I ask, please don't answer if you'd rather not, did you or your DD report the rape to the police? If so, what was the outcome?

If you'd rather not say, I understand completely. I just wondered what action they had taken.

I'm so upset for her, your DD. I hope that as time passes, she will realise that this is NOT her fault, she didn't 'ask for it' or any of the other remarks that get bandied about with situations like this.

Has she or you spoken to RAPE CRISIS or WOMENS AID?

Maybe you could both look on the website?

Why not stay on this thread and talk about it for a while? I should imagine that you are also suffering with this. And, I have little doubt that if you could swap places with her, you would in a heartbeat. sad

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