AIBU to want help and a wee bit of recognition(4 Posts)
I am a SAHM with twins and 5 year old DS. My DH has come home 'not feeling well' I had a particularly challenging day with the twins which DH knew. Despite that I cleaned the house, did the washing, ironing, dishes etc I also drop off/pick up our DS1 from school. DH went to bed and left me to organise dinner, baths and bed for all 3 DC. He never even asked me how I was or how our day was, just sat there with his head in his hands ignoring our crying kids and me.
I am a new SAHM and find that he doesn't notice how much I've done in a day and doesn't take in to consideration how draining looking after the babies can be. He forgets that I don't get a break ever, whilst he helps me (sometimes) I am still looking after the kids as I have done all day and all night. He ha even used the phrase 'I have been at work all day and I'm tired' it's an office job and whilst I appreciate he probably is tired, he makes me feel as if what I do isn't important and sometimes makes my life harder by not picking up after himself or not doing simple requests like put your dishes in the dishwasher or put your clothes in the basket. So I have to do these things too.
Sometime I just leave stuff lying to see how long it takes him, suffice to say I end up doing it.
The one any only time he 'helped' me by doing the ironing, he ironed the pile I had already ironed and ignored the stuff that actually needed ironing!
I have no problem doing house work and get that he's not here all day so he is limited in the evenings. I feel so under appreciated already. It feels like he doesn't think what I do is important and that makes me feel as if he doesn't think I'm important.
I know that's not true but when I've had a shitty day I can become quite unreasonable.
I am also not good at sugar coating so when I try to speak to him he thinks I am nagging, putting him down, constantly critical and that's no use either.
I'm lost, don't know what to do to make it better. I am trying to relax about the house stuff but if it builds up I just feel more under pressure!
Having twin babies is really really hard. Of course you deserve recognition and support and there's nothing at all unreasonable about wanting/needing it.
If you find it doesn't work talking about the issues could you write him a letter? Then you could make sure that you get across how you are feeling clearly. I know how hard it can be to talk about these kind of issues without one party feeling accused and it ending in an argument (voice of bitter experience). It can help to focus on how you feel, rather than his part in it.
Hope you have had a better couple of days and are feeling a bit more positive. It can be so intense and relentless looking after little twins and god it wears you down! You sound amazing managing to be keeping on top of the housework too so please be reassured YANBU. It sounds like you really a break and some headspace (and a taste of what it's like for you might help your DP understand). Could you take an hour "off" at the weekend to go for a walk/coffee/browse shops?
Came across this old thread & had to leave a comment!
Hope you're ok you sound like you're doing a great job without his help!! 😀
I am due to have my twins in 2 weeks & I can see this will be me posting in a few weeks time! My OH is oblivious to times when I'm struggling being massive & for instance tonight will happily leave me to put his 2 other children to bed as he was watching the football
I think a lot of men have no idea what is really involved & most of them think they're hard done by - and this is the reason it's us girls who have babies! We're much stronger & more capable than them!!!
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