Is there some sort of 'pregnant with twins' support thread?

[GuybrushThreepwoodMP]

Just had a shock at an early reassurance scan. Would be nice to find some others to embark upon this journey with...
Thanks

[2015isgoingtobeBIG]

I haven't properly explored on here to find one but there is on one the fertility friends uk forum. They are ladies who've most likely been through fertility investigations if not treatment but sure they would welcome any newbies x

[quesadillas]

Maybe we should start one!

[TheEagle]

There was a thread the other day (expecting twins and worried sick!) where some expectant twin mums posted and seasoned twin mums gave some advice.

Congrats by the way! I'm 33+2 with DCDA twins and so excited to meet my babies very soon

[littlesupersparks]

I don't know but I need one! 35 weeks and I have a horrendous cold. My pelvic floor is destroyed and I'm exhausted with a 2yo and 4yo at home!!!! I need more paracetamol and pads but just can't face taking the boys out even though I should.

Sorry - probably the least helpful post ever - feeling very sorry for myself today!!!

On the plus side the pregnancy as a whole hasn't been that awful and I am looking forward to meeting these little pickles. All the extra scans have been lovely xx

[carmel4321]

im with u knida with you. i found im having 3 last week at early scan :) congratulations xxx

[GuybrushThreepwoodMP]

Hi ladies. Maybe this can be it then? A sort-of all welcome support group. I am full of worries and questions and I'm sure it would help to share them.

Firstly, does anyone know if we should be doing anything any different from a single pregnancy? Taking extra folic acid or anything?

My other biggest concerns, less than 24 hours after finding out are:-

The slightly greater risks of something going wrong. I was having a reassurance scan at 7 weeks due to a missed miscarriage a few months ago- but I don't feel enormously reassured!

The impact on my toddler. The most important thing- I'm scared she might feel pushed out.

Practical worries- I work 3 days a week and I love my job but having twins plus dd in nursery will be costing more than my salary! How in earth does one feed two? Will they sleep at the same time? How will I do bedtime for a 3 year old and two newborns when I am doing it alone (which I am approximately 50% of the time)? Will it be ok for the twins to share a smallish bedroom for their entire childhood? Do we need a new dining table as its only fits 4 around it? How will we ever afford to go on holiday again? I don't have a car, I cycle everywhere. But I can't fit 3 kids in my bike trailer! So I think I am going to have to learn to drive and beg, borrow or steal a car! With 3 fucking isofix attachments!

And overwhelmingly- oh my goodness, how the hell are we going to cope? DH and I are I think, strong and very loving parents, we we found the newborn phase very tough with just one.

As you might be able to tell, I am in freefall panic mode and didn't get much sleep last night!

[GuybrushThreepwoodMP]

little how are you managing with the two little ones at home already?

[TheEagle]

Hi guy, I think everyone who finds out that they're expecting multiples goes through this panic! So many questions buzzing around all the time.

I have an 18 month old DS who will just be 19 months when the twins are born. When I found out we were having twins I cried for him because my biggest worry was that there wouldn't be enough time and love for him. He's so precious to us.

My DH is an amazingly calm and take-things-as-they-come person whereas I'm an overthinking worrier!

He thinks we will just take it all in our stride which, from talking to other multiple mums, is what a lot of people do.

We just plan to take each day as it comes and to have as much help as we can in the first few weeks.

I breastfed DS until he was 13mo (weaned due to pregnancy) and plan to BF the twins as well. I've been to a few LLL meetings and read a great book called "Mothering Multiples" by Karen Gromada. I'd recommend it. It made me feel a lot more relaxed about feeding and routines etc.

My doctor advised me to take extra iron (Galfer) and also a higher dose of folic acid. I don't always remember to take them and I take the Galfer every other day because it doesn't sit well in my tummy sometimes!

Do you know yet if your twins share a placenta?

There will be more hospital appointments but it's lovely to get to see the babies more frequently!

As for work, I recently retrained as a primary school teacher and I don't have a permanent job. We've decided that I won't work for the first few years which will be tough for us but hopefully doable.

I honestly don't know how we will manage the day to day stuff like bedtimes but we will muddle through somehow! I plan to have the twins share a cot and we will see how that goes.

I'm in Ireland and have joined the Irish version of TAMBA. Their Facebook page has been a great support and it's so helpful to read how other twin mums approach things.

My best friend has 4 year old twins and a 5 year old DS. Her best advice re: pregnancy was to take each week as it comes and have little milestones for yourself - I used to have 2 week milestones. Now it's down to week-by-week

Look after yourself, rest when you can and EAT now cause when you're at the end of the pregnancy there won't be any room in there for big meals

Hope some of that is helpful. I sound very calm but come 4 weeks time I'll probably be looking at 2 newborns thinking "holy sh**, what do I do now"!!!!!!

[carmel4321]

the worry hits us all honey i now will have to move home as im in a small 2 bed flat and need a 3/4 bed house with these 3 plus i already have a daughter who is 7. i also need a new car so i can fit all of us in along with planning everything buying everything in 3s befor i get to big and unable to get out and about and speaking to the lovely ladies with XP is going to come roud alot quicker. xx

[quesadillas]

Guy, I could have written your post almost word for word! Eagle, thanks for sharing your thoughts too. Again, some of what you say is buzzing round my head too.

As for me, my biggest worry is my toddler. He'll be 30 months-ish when they arrive. I came back from the scan yesterday and cried because I'm turning his world completely upside down.

Also, I didn't adjust brilliantly to being a mother. PND was never diagnosed (although I do wonder if I had it) but the fog lifted when I went back to work part-time. I don't think it'll be worth going back in the short-term, so I'll take a couple of years off. This makes me worry that without the extra social interaction I'll descend back into that fog.

Which leads me onto money. We're not on the poverty line (DH well paid, big enough house) but things will be a bit tight.

Feeding - I've not thought about this yet. I think I'll leave it for now. I bf DS for a few months but I'm not sure what I'll do this time.

Other logistics, double buggies, cars etc, I've not given thought to either.

Mostly, my main concerns at the moment (beyond the pregnancy being successful) are the mental effects it'll have on me. At the moment I can honestly say I'm not happy. I would be far more comfortable if I knew there was one in there. But this is how it is, and I'll get used to the idea. Christmas will be fun with three kids in a couple of years. But three kids was never part of my plan. I'm not a natural mother (particularly of babies) and I know far more maternal women than me who only have one or two. It just feels like the universe is playing a trick on me and I haven't quite caught up yet!

[GuybrushThreepwoodMP]

Me too! I told my mum last night and she said "How lovely, I always wanted 3!" I said "I didn't!"

[2015isgoingtobeBIG]

Another vote for only taking each week as it comes. There are so many practical things to think about but actually just getting through each day is important right now plus starting saving if you think money would be tight_even just £10 put by each week will give you a nice sum by the time they arrive. I'm at 32 weeks and also plan for them to share a cot, I've ditched the idea of Moses baskets, have accepted the car may not be big enough but that will have to wait, and have drastically reduced the "essentials" list I forced my DH to write when I had a panic about 16 weeks as I'm now a bit more relaxed about the pregnancy and started researching properly. I'm by no means relaxed about the thought of coming home with two newbiorns, nor do I feel confident we have everything but from speaking to other mums (of both twins and singletons) I know this feeling is normal and all of the twin mums have said you find your own way by being pragmatic about it all. I went to my first twin group this morning and there was a mum there who said with her first she had all the great ideas about feeding, routines etc which she was able to try out easily but now she has new twins she's just going with whatever works at whatever time.

Not sure whether that helps but do to take just one step at a time-makes the whole things seem a lot less overwhelming I promise

[quesadillas]

I'm dreading telling my mum. I don't know why, I'm her only chance for grandchildren, but me surrounded by three children was never an image that anybody imagined!

[MatildaV]

Guybrush, try not to panic. I have 2 year old twins so I can answer some of your questions, but they were my first children so can't give much advice on juggling with an older child.

Firstly, does anyone know if we should be doing anything any different from a single pregnancy? Taking extra folic acid or anything?

I honestly can't remember. I think I took quite a strong dose of iron from quite early on in the pregnancy, and that seemed to work well as I was never anaemic. Make sure you're eating well (or trying to, if you have morning sickness). The demands are your body are far greater than a single pregnancy. I specifically remember reading advice to drink plenty of water and lots and lots of protein.

My other biggest concerns, less than 24 hours after finding out are:-

The slightly greater risks of something going wrong. I was having a reassurance scan at 7 weeks due to a missed miscarriage a few months ago- but I don't feel enormously reassured!

I can't tell you there aren't any risks, because there are, but there are also many, many women who have easy twin pregnancies and deliver healthy full term babies (37 weeks for twins). Try not to worry and see it as a positive that you will get extra monitoring throughout the pregnancy that will pick up any problems early.

Practical worries- I work 3 days a week and I love my job but having twins plus dd in nursery will be costing more than my salary!

By the sounds of it, your toddler will be eligible for the 15 free hours once you'd be back at work, which would help a bit. I don't know what your household income is, but you may find that you'd be eligible for some tax credits if your nursery fees jump up. If it's really not economically feasible for you to return to work straight after mat leave, does your job have the option of a career break? That way you could return a year or two later when the twins would also be getting free hours and your oldest would be in school.

How in earth does one feed two? Will they sleep at the same time? How will I do bedtime for a 3 year old and two newborns when I am doing it alone (which I am approximately 50% of the time)? Will it be ok for the twins to share a smallish bedroom for their entire childhood? Do we need a new dining table as its only fits 4 around it? How will we ever afford to go on holiday again? I don't have a car, I cycle everywhere. But I can't fit 3 kids in my bike trailer! So I think I am going to have to learn to drive and beg, borrow or steal a car! With 3 fucking isofix attachments! And overwhelmingly- oh my goodness, how the hell are we going to cope? DH and I are I think, strong and very loving parents, we we found the newborn phase very tough with just one.

Don't worry about all of this at once. You can feed two at the same time, whether that's breast feeding or bottle. The best chance you have of them sleeping at the same time is to make sure you feed them at the same time. I do bedtime alone every night with my 2 as I'm a single parent, and you cope. Sometimes it's a mess, but they go to sleep eventually and you try again the next day.

On a practical level, try and get as much help as you can. As well as family members, it might be worth checking out if Home Start offer any help in your area - they often help with families with multiples, and with you having an older child as well I'm sure you'd qualify.

[carmel4321]

quesadillas im sure u will be fine my mum and dad hit the roof when i told them made me feel terrible about having 3 but at the end of the day we didnt chose this we have been chosen to carry 2 or 3 or more its an amzing gift and amazing thing to be able to do and i do feel well and truly bless... ( may not be saying that in months time) lol xx

[2015isgoingtobeBIG]

TAMBA are putting something together for grandparents of twins and the twin group I went to this morning runs a class for grandparents so might be worth looking for something similar. I know your mum is already a grandma but she hasn't been a grandmother or a mother to twins and it is different (and judging by the mums talking this morning the comments about how to look after your babies are no better with two than you will have already experienced with one!) I went to the TAMBA antenatal class and they have out a handout for friends and family about how to help-I gave it to my mum and left her to read it...much easier than me trying to have the conversation with her. I've also sent her over any information I get about how to look after twins so she knows the kind of advice I'm getting which will be different to what she thinks i should be doing but I'm at least giving her a warning shot of "this is what I'm aiming to follow"

[GuybrushThreepwoodMP]

The thing about work is- it's really important to me. It truly keeps me sane. I 100% don't want to give up work; in fact I would Oman to go back when the babies are about 7 or 8 months. Part time work just works perfectly for me. So we'll just have to take the financial hit.

Thank you everyone for all the above, you are very kind. Sorry I'm in such a panic.

[GuybrushThreepwoodMP]

*advice

[2015isgoingtobeBIG]

Just to add with regards the iron, my iron levels were good because of the pregnancy multivitamin I was taking which was an easier way to get iron into me than take iron supplements. I suffered with constipation in the early days and the midwife also encouraged me to eat more iron in my diet rather than opt for tablets as they would most likely make me mor constipated. A a result spinach gets shoved into nearly every meal like I am Popeye!!!

And I think I took a higher dose of folic acid from the 7 week scan but was told to stop it when I saw the doctor at the 16 week appointment as all the important neural development has happened by then.

[Lewaney3]

Hi ladies,

I really like the idea of a support thread for those expecting twins!
Currently 23 weeks with mcda twins. Mine and DH first children. Massive shock at 12 week scan!

Those asking about folic acid etc....following my 12 week appointment with my consultant. He put me on his "special twins cocktail" of folic acid, iron and vitamin d. This is on repeat prescription I assume until the end of pregnancy. Although I am under NHS care I am aware he is very sought after in the private field too, so I've been told. So I'm glad to be under his care!

I second putting money to the side as it does all add up. Especially if like us there are no young children/first in friends to have children..so not many hand me downs on offer.

I also am so glad that I have been picking up loads of baby clothes/sleep suits/blankets etc when on sale. By 20 weeks I had tiny baby to 3 months covered clothes wise. Also for a fraction of the price as everything bar a few items were on sale. I also noticed upon hitting 20 weeks I have no where near the amount of previous energy. Also suffering from severe rib pain...so I'm glad we haven't left everything till much later. We've chose our big purchases in store and simply will order on line nearer to the end.

I was wondering if anyone has attended twins antenatal classes? Also a silly question but would my mother instead of DH be welcomed to attend with me, as DH will be out of country?

[2015isgoingtobeBIG]

Morning

I went to a TAMBA antenatal class and it was the best money we've spent. A friend with slightly older twins recommended doing a twin specific day and I'm so glad we did. A couple on the course had just finished a nct course and they said the twin day was so much better, for example, the nct went on a lot about only breast feeding whereas the twin one explained how breast feeding was possible for twins but also talked about bottles acknowledging that breast feeding two is tough and not for everybody. The TAMBA one also covered how to change nappies, how to swaddle (with chance to try different products) as well as the usual stuff about birth, signs of labour etc. My local nhs one was a whole day as well but I decided to ditch it as the only additional but it was going to give me was how the hospital works and a potential chance to see the labour ward (I was about to move so not relevant to me).

Your mum would be welcome to go along but If there is any wAy your DH could go along id really recommend it as my DH found the day so useful. There were sections of the day when the OH's went off to a separate room and discussed the same questions we were doing but from a OH point of view so he now knows the signs of labour he may spot, to make a sign for the car saying "wife in labour" in case we have to park in a hurry, and what he can do to support. He is also much more aware of the basic stuff in the early days. I think some nhs trusts run their own twin sessions so may be worth asking and going to all of the above so your DH can come to something!

[slightlyinsane]

Hi all, congratulations on all these twins!! I have 10 month old id girls who are amazing. Yes its hardwork but honestly my 4yr old ds is more work than the twins.
Completely normal to be panicking about everything and then more things, especially the practical side. Feeding 2 is possible however you decide to do it. I was bf but also had to top them up from day 1 and it was fine, you will find your own way. I didn't bother with a twin feeding pillow just used loads of normal pillows, when feeding with bottles I had bought 2 bouncy chairs that were near lie flat so could be used for dinkies right from birth. I fed them in those so that I could very easily see to them instead of having to put 1 down to deal with the other.
Bath times are long in this house but you just have to get a routine and a sensible starting time. My dh is useless or at work so I always do it on my own, the twins go in a cot while I see to the older 3 and if they cry then unfortunately that's the way it is for a couple of minutes. Once the twins got old enough to be taking notice the older 3 take it in turns to play with them while the others are having bath. Now at 10 months the twins go in together which makes things a little easier.
As I said about crying its going to happen and you will quickly have to make peace with the fact that you only have one pair of hands and that will mean that one or both will have to cry some times while your doing something else.

Twin pregnancies are a lot tougher on the body than singleton ones, I was shocked at how different it was. You really have to listen to your body and do what it needs. Don't put all niggles and pains down to the fact that theres 2 in there, be ready to be checked out more often. Take each week as it comes as and you'll be fine. The shock doesn't tend to go away until you have them. Google is ok but not always your friend, ask questions on here and use google as your last resort.

Happy to answer anything, good luck xx

[HermioneGranger39]

Hi guybrush hope you're well. I've also got a toddler (2 in 2 weeks) and just found out I'm expecting twins. You sound like you are in the exact same head-space as me at the moment! I'm the crazy lady that started the 'worried sick' thread. I've got myself into a bit of a panic over the whole thing. Looking forward to my next scan so I know all is well, hopefully that will calm me down a little!

I am also concerned about the work situation, I worked out today that on my salary, I will be spending £39 more a week on childcare that what I actually earn!! Looks like I'm going to have to explore part time options and pray that family will help me out! I couldn't give up completely, like you said, it keeps me sane.

How far on are you? When is your next check up/scan booked for?

[GuybrushThreepwoodMP]

I'm really panicking about how we're going to cope. I was asking that it'll be hard enough with 1 newborn and a toddler. But with 2...