Routine. What is it, and how do I get one?!

[Treecreeper]

Hi all.

My twin girls are now 3.5months old, born 11wks prem they are 4weeks old adjusted. They spent the first 2 and a bit months in neonatal care and came home 6 weeks ago, sadly a week after my mom passed away. Which has not helped my stress levels, but such is life.

My girls are generally really good, both now nearing 9lbs, (6lbs up from birth weight). They are certainly little characters, both now looking around at things and lifting their heads up and happy to play on their mat for a little while each day. They are both suffering from reflux and are in baby gaviscon and aptamil anti reflux milk, but are always happy to take their milk.

My issues arise from the fact we are still in the routine set by the hospital; feeding every 4 hours or on demand, always doing nappy first and then feeding. We are giving them infacol before each feed as well, as we were sure that they may have a bit of colic. I have tried on numerous occasions to feed both at the same time, having them sit in their bouncy chairs and offering a bottle to each, but they just cannot take to it, they will only really feed in arms. Which means I try to feed one then the other. During the day this seems to work, I have a swing to calm one in if they happen to wake up at the same time and I am busy with the other. About 4 pm every day though they seem to drop out of this nice routine and just turn into daemons. I can't settle them, they are feeding all over the place and nothing seems to please them.

I have tried to get into a bedtime routine, of when they wake for a feed after 7 I give them a bath, or a top and tail (depending on if I have help or not) give them a bottle and then take them up to bed. But this is really the only routine I have, and it only really works half the time. In the day when they fall back to sleep after their feeds I tend to put them in the carry cots of their pram (which they are fast outgrowing). I have no set times for anything, everything I do revolves around me counting 4 hours and prepping and planning when they might wake, generally only to be scuppered by them doing something completely off piste.

How did you get your babies into a routine, and what was it? Am I attempting to do this too early?

I just can't relax about any of it, I'm living either on a knife edge or under a black cloud of despair when everything goes wrong. I can't bare hearing them cry, and am petrified of them waking up together, and picking up one before the other, it makes me feel wicked. Some days I just don't want to leave the house as I am just waiting for everything to fall apart around me. All I want is for them to be happy and contented, I just don't know how to settle them and make them the happy little people they should be.

Sorry for the massive post!

[EeeekItsTwins]

Oh you poor thing. I don't have a lot of advice but do sympathise. I think you need to not be so hard on yourself - twins are hard, there will always be times when one (at least) has to cry because you're dealing with the other.

My twins weren't prem, but I think given the adjusted age you can't expect too much of a routine - are they still quite sleepy? I only started trying a 'set times' routine about 3.5 months, and mine weren't prem - before then I too operated on a cycle of 3hrs between feeds.

Could you try bottle feeding both using a twin feeding pillow? It might make them feel they are being held, but you can feed them both at once. It might be short term though, as once they get bigger I think it's hard to manage them together on a pillow.

Lastly, really sorry to hear about your mum. That's really hard to deal with when you've got little babies too. Have you got some RL support? You can get bereavement counselling too if that might help, you can ask your GP. You've got an awful lot going on, please go easy on yourself and take any help you can get - an hour to yourself while someone takes the babies for a walk can make a big difference to the day.

Take care of yourself.

[EeeekItsTwins]

OP - how are you doing?

A couple of thoughts - I think I'd try and find a way to feed them together, or at least back to back (are they quick at feeding?). That way they should sleep at the same time and you'll get a bit more time to yourself. It's hard though - I can't feed mine together now as they're too big, but they are also faster so if they both wake at the same time one doesn't have to scream for too long! Then you also wouldn't need to worry about

I hope you're doing ok. Have you tried posting in the premature birth section? You might get some answers about how routine fits with adjusted age. With their adjusted age I guess they're not smiling or cooing yet? It honestly gets so much better when they are interacting.

[FreeButtonBee]

second using a feedin pillow they are not just useful for breastfeeding. If you are in london you can have mind for free! I used it (admittedly for BF) until mine were a year old so they won't necessarily grow out of it quickly.

Also I thinkt he post 4pm feeding madness can be a good thing - I know it is carnage but the more they feed in that time, the more chance there is that they will sleep for a good chunk overnight. I would try to do slightly smaller feeds every two hours in the evening. Just fill them up! Don't worry about bedtime routine per se at this stage. I used the carrycots on the pram downstairs for ages (months!) in the evening and just took them up when going to bed. In fact, i used to take one up and then DH would take the other some time later or whenever that one wanted a feed.

I stated a bedtime routine at about 4 months - v quick bath (one at a time until they could sit up) then dried, dressed, fed, bed. No fannying about. it didn't really work! but hey it made me feel like I was doing something.

[FreeButtonBee]

One other option is to get one of those raised playpens that can be used as a bed for the daytime. My friend had one and it was fantastic.

And be kind to yourself, you are doing something superhuman int he face of terrible grief. It will get better (with the babies) slowly but surely. And I hope you will eventually feel less pain over your mother's passing. Hang in there

xx

[Preciousbabies]

Hi

My b/g twins were 10 weeks prem. they are now 18m. From what I remember I took full advantage of the hospital routine they were already in. It makes things easier as the routine has already been imposed. Mine were on a 3 hour feeding schedule for what seemed like ages and until they started to sleep through the night more. I fed mine in arms until they were a bit older than yours. I could then sometimes feed them in bouncy chairs together. Prems do sleep more than term babies so don't worry about that as there will come a time when they "wake up". I didn't have a particular bed time routine as didn't have the time nor energy so good for you. I used to call that time after 4pm as "witching hour(s)" as nothing ever went as planned. Just get through that time as best u can and then bedtime will be round the corner.

The first 6 months is the worst but it does get easier, I promise. Having prem twins is such a challenge as you have the stress of a multiple birth but also the trauma and stress of a prem birth/hospital stay. You have also suffered a very significant bereavement so I'm not surprised you feel on a knife edge. Look after yourself and talk to someone if it would help.

Life is still exhausting now but for different reasons which u will discover.

Xx

[Frec68]

You are doing a great job! My girls were exactly the same, I found they were feeding all over the place from 5pm. They are now 7 months and have settled into a great routine by themselves and it seems the cluster feed helped them to start sleeping through. I was still feeding every 3 hours in the day until we started weaning at 6 months and HV advised to stick with what was working!
I also tried several times to feed them togother but it always seemed to cause more issues

[Flutterby2]

Thank you ladies for this thread. My two were born at 34.5 weeks and are now 7 weeks old. I've been trying to make sense of all the 'official' advice re: feeding and sleeping routines when applying it to two babies with their own individual metabolisms and energy levels. The advice given here makes me more confident in trusting my instincts and not trying to force them into something they are not yet ready for. X