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separation anxiety / angry twin! strategy needed!(3 Posts)
One of my girls (11 months old) is increasingly holding me hostage! She has always needed more physical closeness. But recently - having previously settled into quite independent person when it comes to playing, eating and buggying around - she instantly screams angrily if I move away from her.
I know separation anxiety is strong at this time in babies' lives but I sense there is more anger now than panic in her voice when she kicks off.
Hernurserysaid she had some 'tantrums' when the put her in her chair to have lunch. Normally she is a good eater, but she wanted them to hold her all the time. They said they let her have her 'tantrum' and now she has stopped doing it, she is now fine playing at nursery without having to be picked up, and pretty content. She also did this at home and my homestart volunteer agreed she was trying to get me to hold her while we ate, and she suggested we let her have her 'tantrum and she actually managed to calm down and then eat.
the trouble is when I'm on my own it's worse and I struggle to know what to do. Picking her up instantlyay reinforce that habit in her. But she doesn't always calm down and she gets increasingly angry/ upset even if I'm sitting and talking to her. I don't want to cause her unnecessary stress. Does anyone have any advice for how I can help her through this?
Yesterday we went to a shop and I had to walk about 2 feet away from the buggy to speak to the shopman for around 3 minutes about an order, as soon as I stepped away from the buggy she screamed and cried, and we just had to carry on talking over her as I was ordering some presents and he got the order wrong so it was quite a longwinded chat.
Part of me thinks 'better to face the public with screamer in tow rather than let that thought scare u from going anywhere'. At least she'll pick up that I am not fazed by it....but I am worried about how to handle this, and if inadvertently I may make it worse.
At dinner the same day, I cleared the bowls etc, and instead of normally playing with her toy in the highchair while I did this she screamed again, as per shop incident!
She has always been fine with bedtime and naps so this is only happening during awake activities. We have lots if playtime and quality time and kisses together too and she is a v happy girl in all other respects.....I just need some advice on how to respond consistently to this screaming reaction!!
Sorry for mammoth msg, hope some of you get where I'm coming from! Xx
Hi I just wanted to stop by and say you're not alone. Both my 10mnth twins are starting the seperation anxiety stage and I generally ignore the screaming when I leave the room (as best I can). I try to keep talking to them as I walk through the house and pop my head around the corner to let them know I'm still there (usually to massive grins and giggles, then resume the screaming as I disappear again). I don't know if there is any magic thing to do, so if anyone does have advice I'll be keen to hear it too. I hope it helps a little to hear that it's not just you.
hi - thanks for stopping by. I guess it affects everyone and you're right there isn't a magic answer, but I always live in hope. The advice on here has got me through every difficult patch so far this year!! yey for multiples chat room threads :-)
Plus I always trust what the people say in here over what others say. Basically I know its separation anxiety and you have to do the best you can, but what how do you do the best you can when you've got two not one. Cos I can't keep picking my little girl up when I've got her sister needing feeding and attention as well. Plus twice as much to do around the house as if i just had the one little person...hope yours get through the phase quickly!! XXX
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