I'm Irish, my husband's Pakistani - our marriage wasn't welcomed by either family. We muddled through, trying to bridge the cultural gap and learned a lot about ourselves along the way. Here's my latest post on cross-cultural relationships...
Blimey. I am the product of a mixed marriage and now in a mixed marriage (Bangladeshi in my case). You went beyond the call of duty there and I commend you but after 10 years of repeatedly telling everyone I am not Bangladeshi so please don't judge me by your Bangladeshi DIL finally the family are saying things like 'she is fussy/snob/white (insert appropriate term of not here). I have never made the kidn of effort you speak of though, although I did in the early days.
I never understand why those in a mixed marriage feel they have to kowtow to inlaws who, let's be honest, in many cases haven't earned the privilege of being kowtowed to.
I read the blog and it was well written but any old lady that stood over me and shouted at me whilst I was holding my newborn baby would be given very, very short shrift.
Why do woman feel so inadequate about themselves? Your culture, expectations, history and family traditions are just as valid as the family into which you marry. Yes, you are not Pakistani but I don't think being Pakistani is anything better than any other culture. Why in earth would you want to be something you are not. You are yourself and should be proud of who you are regardless of who you marry.
I am English and married into a Muslim family. My DH's family are all very nice but I certainly would not tolerate any nonsense. I follow some of the customs but my DH is also expected to fit in with some of mine.