Had my ERPC yesterday

[fordypops]

I had my erpc yesterday, thankfully it was in the morning and I was the first person to be done. I was surprisingly calm, and just wanted to get it done and get home again so I could be sad and quiet and not answer any more questions.

It was just as everyone said, yu go off to sleep and when you wake up its all done, I was very teary after and didn't sleep as I just wanted to drink,eat and wee so i could go home. Thankfully I managed all of that within about an hour and and I could get out of there. I had a fair bit of bleeding yesterday and was very very tender and sore but am feeling better today, although still uncomfortable and still taking painkillers but the bleeding has slowed down.

I still feel so numb, I cant believe its a week tomorrow that we found out and that its really all over and I'm not going to get my baby at christmas.I work with a girl who is also pregnant just a few weeks ahead of where I should now be and I am finding it hard to think about how I am going to be around her. I don't want her to feel she can't tell me, and can't moan if she feels like it but at the same time it makes me sad. She is older than me and I would have been devastated if she had had the mc as she probably wouldn't have tried again at least I am young enough that in the future when we are ready we can try again, but i am still anxious about going back to work. I wish I had a job that involved me ooking at a screen all day not seeing anyone but unfortunately being a hairdresser i don't have that option.

I hope I havent rambled on too much, but it does feel better to let it all out xx

[largeginandtonic]

I am in the same boat as you. Had a scan last week and found out the baby had died.

ERPC on Tuesday. I have not had a minute to think about it. Dh went back to work (he works away) on Weds lunchtime

He came back Friday night late. We had the 3 year old's party on Sat and he was back at work Sunday. I am so busy with everything else.

Not sure this is a good thing or not yet. I feel very sad. No baby at Christmas. The children were so excited.

I have lot's of friends with new babies but thankfully no one due the same time i was. Poor you.

It is just utter shite.

[dizzydixies]

I'm with you both on the utter shite - I lost ours at 15wks on the 5th although not an ERPC this time

everywhere are babies/bumps/birth announcements - I've got 3 dc already but doesn't stop me missing something I'm not going to have and missing being pregnant with him. I'm currently feeling empty and confused about what to think from one minute to the next which is horrible.

fordypops - I work in a stressful emergency services env so have to be on top of my game to go back to work. Am nowhere near ready for that yet either. More tests this week and then I'll see how I feel about it. Take your time and never worry about rambling on here.

The worst part for me is first thing in the morning when I haven't remembered I've lost him yet only to realise that I have

love to you both

[dizzydixies]

LG&T we had L's 4th on Sun but fortunately I had only invited nearest and dearest so didn't have to cope with the kindness of strangers - hope the party went ok x

[fordypops]

Its so hard isn't it? and dizzy you are right its the waking up in the morning and realising all over again whats happening...its rubbish.

I can't imagine being around to many people right now and am trying to get my head back on so I can go back to work but I can't seem to make a decision about what to have for lunch let alone when to go back and be normal around evryone again. my boyf tried to get me out and about on sunday but I wanted to be at home because I feel safe here. Does that make sense?

we'll get through this...i just didn't know how hard it was going to be. xx

[dizzydixies]

of course it does, why wouldn't you want to be around familiar things where you can get by on auto pilot? When I had a MMC in 2002 I shut myself away in the flat and only realised I'd fallen into depression when I saw the effect it was having on DH. Know that its ok to grieve and comfort yourself but watch for signs that it might be something else - there is no shame in asking for help. Take your time and be kind to yourself and your DP.

I haven't had a moment this time round as the girls keep me busy but DH has been a star and let me rest as much as possible when he can

[Velvetcu]

I know what you mean too about waking up and them remembering.

My ERPC is next Tuesday. I'm so grateful that there are women here who understand - I'm finding it hard to deal with my family who are so wrapped up in themselves they cant see that posting messages and pictures all over facebook of my sisters 4 week old baby is really insensitive!

I'm glad your ERPC went ok fordypops - I am petrified!

[dizzydixies]

Velvetcu - there is never an easy time, when I had my first MMC, my brother and his wife told me days later that they were expecting their first. This time because I would have been having DC4 I'd had an argument with my aunts the day before because they refused to congratulate me on the baby stating they we wouldn't cope etc etc - I was rushed to A&E at 6am the next morning

the ERPC I had first time round was a very relaxed, controlled procedure - much easier to cope with than this loss. Everyone will be kind and caring - please don't be too frighted but don't be worried about vocalising your fears either

[largeginandtonic]

We had tons of peeps Dizzy. Only one couple didn't know and came over with a hug and congrats I vanished for while. It was ok.

Glad to be busy really. Have had various children ill since so been distracted with that too.

The morning is bad. I have stopped thinking it is still there now. Thankfully.

Vel the ERPC was a doddle. Honestly. I had started to miscarry at 4pm and by the time they came to get me for surgery at 5 i was on my hands and knees They whipped me in to theatre and got on with it quickly.

Have been well since. Barely any bleeding since the first night.

Dizzy at your aunts. You poor love.

[dizzydixies]

LG&T, am so pleased to hear that you have been well since. I would've chosen a D&C over what I went through had I had a choice so am pleased that you are ok. Are you managing to get any rest at all? when is DH due home again?

Am glad party went well - we had 28degrees on Sat and of course had arranged a BBQ for 25 people and 12kids on Sun in the pissing rain/ the oven broke and my PIL were driving me up the wall. Sharing 3 bottles of Rose with my friend helped though

The whole thing with my aunts was horrible, it was my birthday, tensions were running high, I've never had an arugment with them in my life and am normally such good friends with my youngest aunt. I haven't managed to speak to them since and its been 2wks now but I just can't find the energy to cope with their guilt even though it had nothing to do with losing the baby.

Am still carrying the scan of him with me and we have a Rowan tree to plant in his memory. I stupidly watched the final episode of Lost last night and have had a really weepy night/day since along with some awful dreams I think playing at hostess and smiling at everyone took its toll more than I cared to admit.

Nurse for blood tests tomorrow so fingers crossed the Spatone and Iron Tablets have been working

[largeginandtonic]

Crikey chick anaemic too. Hope you are resting! Probably a joke in your house as much as it is in mine.

Am off to Plymouth this weekend to see dh. It will be such a rest packing and loading the car with 7 children...

I would be the same. No time for other peoples guilt. Hard enough to deal with your own feelings let alone someone elses! Blardy family.

Oh flip to the BBQ fiasco! We picked Saturday [smug] it was boiling

Fordy how are you?

[dizzydixies]

ah it was fine, they were all soaked with water pistols as it was so nobody cared about the rain.

glad you're getting to see DH though

[fordypops]

hey girls, I'm ok still on the painkillers as its still uncomfortable without. Am struggling with the reality of it all this afternoon, have had a chat to my mum and boyf though, they think i'm not so ready to be back at work and i'm inclined to agree.

velvet i was soooo nervous but really its all over before you know it. hopefully you'll be one of the first to go down and you can get out of there and home.

Dizzy its oants that you're ananemic, youmust have zero energy and your aunts well it will all sort itself out in the end, family always does somehow.

Heres hoping tomorrow is a better day.... xx

[dizzydixies]

fordypops - you must continue to take the painkillers until you feel that you can comfortably manage without them - please don't rush back to work before you are 100% ready

[fordypops]

Thank you for looking out for me dizzy, I am still very much on them and I can't even think about work right now so I am not going to.

My nan is also in hospital right now and has been this whole time. I haven't seen her since Saturday and am worried about her but she has mrsa now too and my boyf thinks I need another day to rest up before I see her. She doesn'tknow whats going on with me as I dont want her to worry about me but I wish I could talk to her abut it as she lost a baby when she was younger too.

Velvet how are you today??? LG&T have you had much of a chance to rest up yet? znd dizzy how are you today?? x x

[dizzydixies]

fordy, your DP is absolutely right, please take your time - she will understand especially as she has been through this herself.

am doing ok, tried to catch up on some stuff last night so was up late and DD3 was up at 6.30 today - bit pooped! Had bloods taken again today so fingers crossed all this popping iron will be working