Being induced at nearly 15 weeks - what to expect?

[monkeybumsmum]

We found out yesterday that our much longed for baby has severe abnormalities and will not survive.

I'm going in on Tuesday to be induced as apparently the baby is now too big for me to have an ERPC.

I'm feeling incredibly numb, interspersed by moments of panic and absolute heartbreak. I know Tuesday is going to be one of the most traumatic things we've ever gone through, and thought it might help a little if I know what might lie ahead...

I have to take the first tablet tomorrow evening, and then I think have some pessaries when I get there on Tuesday. How much will it all compare to normal labour? Will I have to push? I just cannot believe this is happening

[farmerjones]

no ideas unfortunately. but lots of hugs. hope it all goes as well as it can do.

[inveteratenamechanger]

So so sorry. You poor thing.

No advice, but bumping for you.

[monkeybumsmum]

Yes, I am in Belgium belgianbun So far the care we've received has been outstanding, and I'm pretty hopeful they'll treat this situation as sensitively as it should be. It's the physical side of things I'm scared of though...

Thanks for the hugs and bumping x

[Dai5yChain]

oh, I am so sorry. I can't begin to imagine what you must be going through. My thoughts are with you.

I just had medical management to miscarry a 9 week old foetus (discovered at my 12 week scan, I thought I was 12 and half weeks). The treatment sounds similar - I had tablets, then a couple of days later I had pessaries.

Whilst I know it won't be quite the same for you as it was for me as your baby is far bigger for one, there will be some similarities I imagine.

I have not been pg before so I don't know what labour feels like, but I had contractions and labour pains, and could feel when I needed to sit over the bed pan and bear down, but didn't need to push exactly. The pain was over as soon as I had delivered the baby, then I still had to deliver the placenta.

There was pain relief available for me, unfortunately by the time i needed it it was too late really. I had some paracetamol, but things were over before they took effect.

Sorry i can't be more specific about your situation, but I guess you can at least imagine now it will be somewhere between what I experienced and proper labour. I hope you don't think I have trivialised your situation by comparing with mine - I can't begin to imagine what you must be feeling, it is only the intervention i am comparing with.

I will be thinking of you ((hugs))

[duchesse]

I am so sorry for you. I was advised to go for surgical termination on my 12+3 missed miscarriage foetus on the grounds that it would be quite a struggle to miscarry and probably quite painful, so am mystified at how the window for ERPC can be that small (ie 3 weeks). I would imagine and hope that you will be in hospital throughout this procedure.

My thoughts are with you at this horrible time.

[cece]

I lost my baby at 18 weeks. Although mine had already died prior to birth.

This is what I had.

Tablet.

48 hours later I was supposed to have the pessaries but within 3 hours of the first tablet my waters broke and I started contracting.

I had an 8 hour labour. My mw encouraged me to have lots of pain relief which I took. TBH it was good not to think about it too much and having maximum dose of pethidine helped me.

You will not need to dilate to 10 cm as the baby will be small. I didn't have to push. Without wishing to upset you mine 'fell out' when I stood up to go to the loo.

The pains aren't as intense in full term labour but obviously the emotional pain doesn't help matters.

I found spending time with my DD after her birth very helpful. Remember to take your camera if that is what you want to do. The hospital dressed he in a tiny knitted outfit that some kind soul had obviously donated for these occasions.

I did have a room on the labour ward but in my hospital this room is separate from the other labouring women. It is a special room kept for bereavement cases. Our hospitla also had a special breavement mw who helped after her birth. We stayed about 12 hours afterwards with her. They also arranged a lovely funeral for us to attend as well.

[monkeybumsmum]

Thank you so much for sharing your experiences.

Dai5yChain No matter when you lose a baby it is heartbreaking, and going through what you've been through must've been awful for you. I don't think you are trivialising my situation at all, and am glad you came on and shared what happened. What an awful thing to happen with your first pregnancy. I hope you have much better luck in the future x

Duchesse I'm so sorry for what you've been though too. Life is just not fair sometimes... I know re the ERPC - I couldn't believe it when the doctor said I couldn't have one. I've had two before, and so I knew what I would be going into. She said the cut off point for the ERPC is the end of the first trimester, and even though I begged she stood firm. I just cannot believe that we're going to have to go through this. It's the last thing you need after losing a baby
Yes, I will be in hospital, and they said I can have an epidural if needs be. I do not want one, or in fact any pain relief - I figure that if this pain is the only chance I get to share anything with my lost little one then I must go through it. Weird, but to me it feels right

Cece How awful for you, and I'm so sorry. Thank you for telling me what happened, you are very brave to be reliving it. I've been a bit worried about what will happen after the first tablet, esp as I've been having mild cramps this afternoon, so am wondering if perhaps things are starting to happen anyway. I will warn dh about how quickly it can go, and thank goodness we have my dad here at the moment to look after ds in case we need to dash to hospital.
I'm not sure what happens with regard to spending time with our baby afterwards - I'm in Belgium so not sure if it's different here. I know that dh doesn't want to see the baby, or even know the gender, and so I am torn as to what to do.

I never thought that trying to have children would entail quite so much heartache...

[suwoo]

I am so very sorry for you monkeybumsmum. I readyour other thread and was hoping that this wouldn't be the case.

I wonder if you husband will change his mind, when it has all happened, I don't want to sound insensitive, but if he doesn't want to see the baby or even know the sex, that is going to be hard for you when you want to talk about things with him afterwards.

Wishing you lots of strength to get through this.

Much love.

[cece]

monkeybumsmum

It is difficult when your DH doesn't want to see the baby. My DH was the same. He sat at the other side of the room and I shielded her from him.

He did however find out the gender. Which helped when we talk about her. We also named her and the hospital very kindly put her name on a little brass plaque on her coffin.

Perhaps you should ask about what happens after the birth when you go and have your tablet tomorrow.

BTW at our hospital they take photos and keep them in your records for you if you don't want to see the baby or take your own photos. They also took foot and handprints, but as she was so small they weren't succesful - I would think your baby would be too tiny as well.

[Cantdothisagain]

Hi Monkey

Again as I said on your other thread I am so sorry about what you are going through.

I have done what you are doing twice, though neither time at 15 weeks, once at 13 and once at 20. These were v different experiences and so I imagine yours will be somewhere in the middle...

1. 13 weeks: pessaries taken around 9 am, pain kicked in around 12.30, baby born around 2.30. Had paracetamol/ibuprofen, didnt need any more - didnt need to push - baby kind of slid out. Left hospital at around 7 pm - the delay was because the placenta didnt come for a while and then I fainted a couple of times and had low bp. Couldnt tell the sex from the baby's body; found out via the postmortem.
   
   
2. 20 weeks: pessaries taken around 9 am, pain started around 1 pm, baby born at 6.30 pm. This time needed diamorphine - pain was much more intense - and did have to push, but it was just one push and baby came out with placenta attached. Left hospital at midnight.
   With the second baby, I had photos, handprints and footprints taken. Could see baby was girl.
   
   We had services for both babies, both arranged by the hospital. And we were in private en suite rooms both times.
   
   Physically I didn't find either birth horrendous. It is the emotional side of it that is incredibly tough. I have found the photos etc have helped me to remember my baby, and I am sad I didnt get that the first time around.
   
   Both DH and I saw both babies, and we both held our second one, and it helped a lot; I think it would help your DH if he could, but it's up to him - though he may change his mind on the day. It's impossible to know what you will feel in advance.
   
   If you want to know any more practicalities, feel free to CAT me. I am thinking of you, your DH and your precious baby.

[Jadey1]

So sorry to hear your news. I had a simliar experience last year. Following my 20 week scan when a severe abnormality was picked up. I had an amino which showed our DS has a condition which was incompatible with life.

I too was worried when told I would need to go thorough labour as this was my first pg. I didn't need to push but did have pain relief. It was emotionally painful however in hindsight the experience did help me to cope & to start to come to terms with our loss.

Everyone was very thoughtful and DH and I had time with our DS which really helped. Also had some counselling afterwards within the fetal medicine unit.

Didn't know about mumsnet then but hopefully you are finding it useful. There is also a great support group in the UK called ARC. It helps to know your not the only person who's going thorough this life changing experience.

[Dramamum]

Hi Monkeybumsmum,
I went thorough the same experience last Thursday i had the tablets on the tues then went in thurs and was given 2 pessaries before anything kicked in after that it all happened very fast; my waters broke and then it was just 2 tiny pushes 1 for the baby 1 for the placenta. I was lucky i had some really lovely midwives and a very empathetic compasionate consultant which made something so painful just a little bit more bareable we already knew our baby was a little boy and they referred to him by the name we chose which was lovely it made him feel more like a proper little boy even though he was only 17wks old and we got his little hand and footprints taken. Were both still heartbroken as this was a longed for pregnancy and i won't lie to u it hurts like hell i want my little boy so much but every day it gets a tiny bit easier to manage, just remember your not hurting alone xxxxxxx

[essenceofSES]

monkeybumsmum - I remember you from previous mc and ttc threads. So sorry this is happening and wish I could help. I am thinking of you though and wishing you and your DH strength for what must be such a difficult time.
(((((hugs)))))

[topsi]

I had a termination after my 20 week scan and amnio showed downs and other problems.
My DD was 1.2lb when she was born.
My procedure started off with having to have the baby injected through my tummy to stop her heart beat and then a tablet and the next day some pessaries.
I was offered as much pain relief as I needed and only found the last few minutes painful. I did have painful contractions and did have to push to a certain extent.
Your baby will be smaller though so your experience I expect will be easier.
I did see her after the birth and we held her and took pictures.
We had a propper funeral, cremation and burial.
To be honest the birth is the easy bit it is the grief afterwards that hurts more.
My thoughts are with you. If you feel you want to see the baby then I think you should and take some pictures. Your partner may want to look at the pics at a later date. My DD was a beautiful tiny baby, I think that some people may think that they will be faced with something scary but I dont think that will be the case. Sorry I am rambling what I am trying to say is that seeing the baby can help the grieving procedure and allow you time to say hello and goodbye to your baby. xxxxx I am so sorry for you both.

[TheLadyEvenstar]

Am in tears having read this thread. I am so for you all. You are all wonderfully strong ladies and deserve a very un-mumsnet like (((((hug)))).

MonkeybumsMum,I hope you got through today as best as you could and you and your precious family are in my thoughts.

[Threelittleducks]

I couldn't read and not post. Big hugs for you Monkeybumsmum. Best wishes for you and your family. xxxxx

[tinywelsh]

Hello monkeybumsmum I really hope everything has gone okay for you.
I came across this post looking for exactly the same advice, I'll be 15 weeks when I go in to have my little bean, it's been diagnosed with Edwards Syndrome and you have really helped me as well, you sound really brave and I hope you spent some precious time with your little one. Wishing you luck and love for the future x

[monkeybumsmum]

Just wanted to pop back to say thanks for everyone's support, and to tell you how it went for anyone searching for information in the future...

Went in on the Tuesday morning (two weeks ago now) and was given the pessaries every four hours. Contractions took a long time to start - wasn't till half seven that evening. Had a sleepless night on the Tuesday as contractions every 5 mins or so, and then they gave me some stronger stuff on the Wednesday. Am afraid to say it got very painful and I did end up having an epidural. Our little one arrived at 6.30 Thursday morning, so it took a lot longer than we anticipated. I did get to spend some time with him, and I am so glad I did. I hope this helps anyone going through this traumatic time, and my heart goes out to you.

Tinywelsh I'm so sorry that you're going through the same thing, it really is just heartbreaking. I have heard some inspirational stories though about people who have gone on to have healthy babies the next time, so there is hope.
Please let me know how it went and maybe we can help each other through this x

[tinywelsh]

Hi monkeybumsmum I tried to contact you, but couldn't get a message across. I had been a bit of a hermit for a while, but feeling like talking now.

I went in last Wednesday (28/04) and luckily only needed 2 doses of pessaries. Once everthing it started, it all happened very quickly, I nearly had Sam on the way to the toilet! I did have a morphine drip which helped until they took me off it and I couldn't stop throwing up.

Little Sam was born at about 16.30 Wednesday, I got to see him and the nurses took some photos and foot-prints. They also let me see him again the next morning before I was discharged. The nurses were amazingly helpful, calm and patient and made me feel much better during my staff.

I'd like to say that everyone's posts did help, I think I was more prepared for the pain, and the shock of how quickly Sam came.

[MummyWilliams]

tinywelsh feel so sad for you. I think we were were on the same antenatal thread. I have just gone through similar heartbreak as you.

My little boy was born last Thursday at 17+4 days. He had died a few days before.

It is absolutely devasting isn't it? Will you be trying again (or maybe you haven't thought that far ahead)?

xxx

[tinywelsh]

Hi mummywilliams, thank you for your support, I hope that you are getting plenty of love from everyone around you.

I'm not sure how you're coping but I'm finding that I can function fine for a while, I'm back at work now, but I'll hear a song or a phrase or I'll see an advert on tv for baby things and I'm in floods of tears. When I saw little Sam, I sang 'My little man' by Ozzy Osbourne to him, it was a song that I'd heard a few times after I found out I was pregnant, I'd looked forward to singing it to him when he was born, Now every time it pops up on my mp3 player I'm in tears.

I do want to try again, Sam was unexpected so it may be a while before we try, though I have wanted a little one for a while. I lost a baby at about 6 weeks last year and though it does shake my confidence a little bit, I'm still hopeful that I can have a healthy, happy baby in the future.

[monkeybumsmum]

Hi tinywelsh I'm glad to see you back, and that's good that you're feeling like talking now. Thank goodness it went okay for you, and it sounds like you had really good care which is so very important.
I really hope you've been taking things easy and that you have a good support network in RL? Let me know if you want my email address won't you... It's good to get things out - I find that my head is too full at the moment, and so to express even a bit of how I'm feeling relieves the pressure a little. Lots of love xxx

MummyWilliams Just wanted to say how very sorry I am for the loss of your little boy. My thoughts are with you xxx