finding things really difficult dont want to feel anything anymore

[starshaker]

I know people will be fed up of me by now but im reaally not coping. I just feel empty and crap. things are just so unfair. all i want to do is sleep and not think. I just need to stop how im feeling. I cant end things cos i have dd but im being a crap mum and maybe she would be happier without me. She need her mummy to be happy and to do things with her and im struggling to get her dressed and feed her. The house is a bomb site and i cant deal with it. I dont have any support other than here and i know thats gonna wear down soon.

[starshaker]

Ex H was ment to have dd today but has decided he needs some time on his own. He sees her twice a week normally. Hes such a fucking arsehole.

[starshaker]

sorry i know people are probably bored with me by now

[slightlycrumpled]

I'm sorry starshaker I'm afraid I don't know your story but I'm sorry you are feeling so low. It must be especially hard if you were looking forward to a day to do nothing and you have been let down. Do you have any other family that you can ask to have your DD for a few hours so you can at least sob in peace?

Sorry you are feeling so crap.

[mooshoo]

Hello starshaker. I am so sad to read of your miscarriages. I had my first proper one nearly three months ago. Have you had any sort of counselling for your losses? i dont know the time span in which you have had them, but i doubt very much you will have had a proper chance to grieve your losses before more have happened

I think you mustnt expect too much of yourself just now, and certainly dont blame yourself for your miscarriage. Its so hard not to, i still have fleeting thoughts that i did something to cause the miscarriage, but when you think of all the crack pots out there whom manage to have babies, i very much doubt your losses have been caused by anything you have done.

After five losses, your doctor should be investigating, has anything been said about this? Or is it too hard to contemplate the tests just now?

Miscarriage is such a sensitive issue, i hope i havent said anything that will have offended you, but try to be easy on yourself just now.

[slightlycrumpled]

Right sorry have re read your post. You know you sound very depressed. Have you seen your doctor at all? I'm so sorry if I'm asking obvious questions I don't want to make you feel worse.

You are not a crap mum to your DD. How about making it a pyjama day and actually don't get dressed today. It won't do her any harm.

[starshaker]

im getting test done but if it come back that im just unlucky im gonna get sterilised. cant deal with this again. Not been offered counseling and dont have anybody i can talk to other than on here but im sure people will be sick of me soon.

[starshaker]

i dont know if i can call nhs24 and ask for something to help me sleep. And i have the most awfull headache that painkillers arent touching

[starshaker]

just waiting on them calling me back

[starshaker]

back up to the hospital again

[starshaker]

Thats me just back. My heomoglobin level is still the same so at least its not dropping anymore. They have given me sleeping tablets and have told me i need to see my GP tomorrow as they are worried about my "state of mind" Think i will need to go and see if they can arrange for me to see somebody and possibly put me on anti depressants just to help me get on with things

[christiana]

Message withdrawn

[sunburntats]

Ah love,
know what you mean.
just had my 4th in March.
going for blood tests tomorow, not sure what for and not sure what it will show, not sure what they wil do with the results.

They told me i just have bad luck.

[starshaker]

Sun itsucks big time. I think whats made it worse this time was i saw my baby, i saw the heatbeat and was told everything was ok. If they tell me its bad luck then i will never try for another. I would rather just be sterilized so i cant go through this again. My doc wasnt very supportive when i found out i was pregnant he assumed i wold be having an abortion as the baby wasnt planned and kept asking if i was sure i didnt want him to make an appointment. Will try and see another doc tomorrow but need to try and get somebody to watch dd cos i dont want her to see me upset

[orangehead]

Starshaker- I dont know your story, but Im so sorry you are going through this. I have had 3 mmcs and felt pretty similar to how you are describing. I felt so alone as everyone expected me to move on after a few months, but it doesnt always work like that. I ended up being on ad's and had counselling, it was no miracle cure but did help. It sounds like you really need more support, please talk to your gp or the miscarriage association.

Regarding the tests they did them three times on me. After the 2nd one because I begged, at first they said no but they could see what state I was in so did them. After the 3rd and then they referred me to St Marys Paddington and they repeated them. Each time them came back that nothing was wrong, which was really difficult. But I asked if I could take the aspirin anyway. They said yes because the test was not 100% accurate. I took the aspirin and successfully had two boys. I dont know if it was the aspirin or not. But just because your tests come back with nothing doesnt mean its the end, although I know its heartbreaking.

I hope you ok, dont be so hard on your self and give yourself time. Please talk to someone

[starshaker]

how long did you need to wait before you got the councelling

[orangehead]

A couple of weeks I think. But if you ring the miscarriage association they can give you a number for someone you can speak with over the phone. Or if you are feeling really bad and cant wait you could try the samaritians, I know they might not have much experience in mc, but if you are desperate and need to talk. But keep posting on here too

[starshaker]

the MA is only open when i have dd and i cant let her see me upset

[orangehead]

The person the ma put me in touch with to speak to on the phone only did phone calls in the evening when her children were in bed. But obviously that means the intial ma call in the day, unless someone else can call for you.
How are you doing today?

[starshaker]

still the same. want to go to the docs but dont have anybody to watch dd. i posted a thread about writing it all in a letter but dont know if this is ok

[orangehead]

I think writing it is fine. It will probably help you express yourself better without getting flustered and forgetting something as well. Hope it goes well

[orangehead]

How old is your dd?

[starshaker]

shes 4

[moonbuggy]

So may i say that STARSHAKER is a LIAR!! She says she has no support with her bombsite of a house & that people is crap crap crap!!Infact alot of the stuff she says on this is shite take it with a pich of salt people!