Facing miscarriage alone

[JessiLynn]

Hello.

I found Mumsnet while browsing for ways to cope with the anniversary of a miscarriage, and am so glad I did! It has been such a help to me to read all of your thoughts and experiences.

I found out for certain that I was pg a year ago today. Hadn't been planning on having a baby yet, but I adjusted quickly and was loving the idea of being a mum, though a bit scared, as I was not married, and my family is very traditional about such things, as was my boyfriend's. Before I got to tell him, though, he told me we needed to end our relationship because he thought he might be gay. He knew there was a possibility that I was pg, but he didn't want to lie to me, which I respect. I couldn't tell him then and have him stay with me only for the baby. Just as soon as he left the cramps started and I began passing tissue. I really thought I was going to die.

It's been a year, and I'm doing a bit better, although it's been really difficult and lonely because I cannot tell my family or many of my friends. I have more good days than bad now; time really does help.

It's been harder the past two weeks... the anniversary of my mc / breakup will be 3. May, and I'm going through a bit of depression and anger... feels like starting the grieving process all over again.

Does anyone know of any resources for coping without the support of a DH or family? How have you handled due dates and anniversaries? Just looking for ways o stay sane...

[SesIsCountingdowntheweeks]

Didn't want this to go unanswered.

This anniversary must be v tough. I mc twice in 2008 and it is one of the hardest things I've ever had to deal with. Combine that with your break up and I'm no suprised you've been finding things tough.

Allow yourself to feel like this as it is part of the grieving process.

Like you, I found MN after googling for info after my first mc and in terms of support, I have found it a rock. Keep posting if it helps on the mc threads.

You've probably found tv Miscarriage Association too. They have some online leaflets which you may find useful and - although I don't have personal experience of using them - I know people who have found their counselling service a real help.

I recognize this is tough for you and must feel particularly lonely with the break up too. Thinking of you.
((((hugs))))

[JessiLynn]

Thanks, SesIsCounting.

Talked to my ex yesterday... he's generally very supportive, but he just doesn't get it. He thinks I'm "wallowing in the past" and doesn't believe that I have a real reason to be upset. I could probably get him to see it from my pov, but not sure I have the energy.

I'm just trying to make it through the weekend. I've been able to tell one of my (real life) friends about the mc, and that helps a little. She agreed to spend the day with me on Sunday so I don't have to face the anniversary alone, which was really kind of her.

Hope you're doing well. Thanks again for the support and advice.