miscarriage and new pregnancies

[boogs]

I had a m/c last month and wanted to know how long we should wait b4 trying again. I was only 6 weeks so it wasn't as traumatic as if i'd been further down the line. Having said that I did and do still feel a great sense of loss and cant help feeling that it was something I did that caused the m/c. We've been ttc for about 6 months. Reading all your stories has really helped me sort through my feelings and I wish everyone luck in each pursuit.

[Claireandrich]

I had a mc at 7 weeks a while back, after ttc for about a year. At the time I felt okay and just got on with everything and started ttc again once the bleeding had stopped. Doctor said there was no reason not to. Unfortuantely for us we didn't manage to conceive again for over a year, but now have a beautiful year old DD.

Please take to recover from this loss though as I didn't and it really hit me hard a few months down the line. Take care.

[kaz33]

I had a miscarriage at about 6 weeks. We had been trying for about 3 months. We already had one child, whom it also took about 3 months to conceive. Now, waiting for baby no 2 due in a month and a half.

I was suprised at how tough it was initially - I stayed at home from work for a week as I just wanted to be close to DS. I like you thought it was something that I did that caused the miscarriage - too much gym work !! I had been determined not to put on loads of weight.

The most difficult bit was that i had got all excited and started planning and suddenly we were right back at the beginning. I found that I needed to stop and come to terms with that.

I had not been trying for ages and already had DS so not as traumatic as for a lot of people. We left it one month and then started trying again. In the meantime I concentrated on getting on with my life, doing the things that I would not be able to do so much when I got pregnant again ie: losing some weight, nights out seeing friends. That helped me put it all into perspective.

Don't blame yourself for the m/c, there is no reason why you should not go on to produce a healthy baby.

Good luck.

[boogs]

Glad to hear you now have a baby Claireandrich, and that yours is on the way Kaz33. I know I should take time to heal and reflect, one half of me wants to completely forget about having another baby for now, but on the other hand I feel even more determined to conceive asap. Coming from a large family, I too want a few more kids, and I feel like time is of the essence, if i'm gonna have any sort of work life afterwards. I don't wanna be having kids in my late thirties.
It's so hard to stop thinking about it but dd is a wonderful disrtaction. Thanks for all the support and advice-it really helps to hear I'm not the only one!

[Katherine]

Boogs I have mixed feelings about ttc again straight away. After my first loss we didn't wait at all and I always blamed that as part of the reason we mc again. Having said that though I recently had a mc at 12 weeks. I was determined to wait one cycle but fate intervened and somehow I concieved only 2 weeks later. I am now 23 weeks pg. So I don't think there is any real physical reason why you should wait especially if it might take you some time to concieve again.

Emotionally it is a different story. You may feel you are ready to try again and just want to move on but it hits you really hard once you have that blue line. Pg is just never the same after a loss and you become so paranoid and anxious that the first 3 months are really hard going. There is no reason to assume it will happen again but the fear is always there and its this side of pg that you have to be ready to deal with.

The right time is when you feel ready to cope. Good luck and I hope you don't have to take too long. And don't blame yourself. This last pg has been really hard going with lots of bleeding but this baby is obviously determined to come. People can inadvertently make you feel guilty because they tell you to take it easy this time which kind of implies it was something you did, but the majority of mc are caused by there being something wrong with the baby and nothing you do would make any difference. Think of all the babies who are born in third world countries, war zones etc. Their mums won't have an easy pg but the babies still come

[boogs]

I know you're right Katherine, I definately need to chill with the whole thing, and totally take my mind off it. I'm not so desperate that I'd go full on again without feeling it was right, cause I can only imagine how awful it would be to m/c again. I think I want it too much and that's why it's not happening. At the clinic they said there was nothing wrong with my ovaries and so I guess it's not a physical problem. I'm watching DD get bigger and bigger and wondering how old sh'e gonna be b4 she gets a sibling. She's close to her two cousins so I know she'd love a little baby around. My sister's due in 4 weeks so that'll be a good time to gauge her reaction. I feel like a failure because I feel having babies should be something I can do without thinking about it. I think we live in such an open culture where everything is talked about and discussed so that nothing is sacred or mystical anymore. It's almost as if we have too much information. I better not start on that one or I'll go on forever.
I was reading your story on another thread and I'm sorry to hear you're having a hard pregnancy-I guess there's no such thing as an easy one. You sound really strong and like you're on top of it, even tho the worry must be hellish. You're gonna be fine; why not try really enjoying the pregnancy for what it is. I found swimming, yoga, walking all really fulfilling. When I was expecting DD I used to meditate and send her chi energy and she used to start moving around. Spiritual awareness is important too I think. Hope you feel better soon.

[Hughsie]

I waited for one period and then tried after a 6 week miscarriage but lost the second at 9 weeks - then again tried after one period due to inability to wait and was successful with ds1 - it's hard to wait s it seems an eternity - stories seem to vary and I dont this the waiting changes the outcome from what I can tell -

Good luck to you - I remember my 6 week one as a real shock as it is your first experience of such loss and hormones etc dont help - be kind to yourself and dont blame yourself - it isn't you

[boogs]

Thanks Hughsie. Time will tell I guess. I'll be keeping busy in the meantime.

[mollymay]

I went for my 12wk scan and was told the baby had died at about 9 wks. I was devastated. I seem to remember being told that it was best to wait 3 months before trying to conceive again, which we did, and I now have a gorgeous dd aged 2 yrs... We were really cautious the second time around and I think it puts a dampner on the excitment of it all but I had an early scan (at about 8wks) to check everything was ok....

[Tec]

I had a miscarriage about 2 months ago. It has taken a while for everything to return to normal, Doc thought I had an infection or retained product as it took 3.5 wks for me to stop bleeding after a D & C and then I had another period 2 wks later follwed by another 1 a wk later acompanied by funny pains. I went for a scan and everything had gone, they think I may have had an infection but it has gone and everything seems to be getting back to normal.

To start with we used contraception, but it is very upsetting to do this when all you want is to be pregnant again. We haven't bothered since but nature seems to have taken care of us not conceiving yet. I'm trying to just forget about trying now and just see what happens. We have thrown ourselves into decorating the house!

The nurses at the hospital said to wait until you had had 2/3 periods before trying again not because there it is detrimental to a baby to try again so soon but because it is easier to date the pregnancy. Another nurse also said remember every pregnancy is different, don't think the next will end the same way. There is still a greater chance of a healthy pregnancy (80%) than a miscarriage.

I found the book "Miscarriage - What every woman needs to know" by Lesley Reganvery helpful. It was positive, and gave easy to understand explanations of what had happened.

Hope this helps.

[boogs]

Sounds like we're in exactly the same boat Tec. We're also concentrating on decorating the house, and I'm also thinking about a new work venture. DD starts nursery in a cupla weeks so that'll give me more time to myself ( can't wait!). I'll try and look for that book- one of the hardest things is not knowing why it happened I think. It's hard not to blame myself but almost inevitable, so maybe this book can shed some light on my ignorance.
Mollymay, I'm glad to hear you succeeded after your m/c. It's easier to cope with when you've got a little one to keep you happy and busy, though. Do you want another one yet?
Tec I hope you get on alright with ttc. One thing I keep telling myself is 'it will happen when the time is right'.......

[Ghosty]

boogs ... are you me?
I read your posts and realised it could be me posting! I had an m/c at 12 weeks in November and ever since I have been desperate to be pregnant again. 2 weeks after my D&C (which was 2 weeks after my m/c) I had a period. I waited for one more and then we started trying. Still not pg yet ... although I am due on this thursday so I might be (fingers crossed). All I keep thinking about is being pregnant ... but more importantly having a baby. Like you I watch DS getting bigger and wonder how old he will be b4 he gets a brother or sister (he is 3.5 ... so he will already be 4 by the time he gets one ... assuming I am pg)
I got pregnant with DS with no trying at all .. a few too many glasses of red wine and forgetting to put in my diaphragm ... and I got pregnant with the one that I lost the first time of trying, so now I am in the 4th month of trying it does get me down sometimes ... I am too impatient. Whenever I feel like that I have to think of others who try for years and years to have babies ... then I look at DS and thank my lucky stars for him ... but I STILL WANT TO BE PREGNANT NOW!!!
At the moment it is quite hard because there are babies arriving on the 'Anyone Due mid 2003' thread ... I started that thread when I was 6 weeks pregnant (I was so happy to be pg) and now it is coming up to the time that I would have been on the home straight ...
Never mind ... wasn't meant to be ... one day maybe I hope and dream ...
Give yourself a bit of time to heal ... even though you say you lost your baby at 'only 6 weeks' you still lost a baby ... and you have to grieve ... My doctor said the best thing to do was to wait for the first period ... then wait another cycle before trying just to make sure the uterus was back to normal ...
Thinking of you .... love Ghosty XX

[Katherine]

Hi Ghosty - I'm sorry you are so frustrated. I must be really hard. But fingers crossed for Thursday eh!

I think that women are advised to wait a few months because it is the convention to do so, although I have to admit it does give you time to heal emotionally. After a loss you are so desperate to move forwards that you can't really imagine how hard a subsequent pg will be so you do need time to recover a bit emotionally. I just wish they would be honest about that as it would make it easier to wait. Dating the pg isn't really an issue with all the scans they do today anyway. So I still think that the time is right when you are ready, however its hard because you might think you are ready but then you go through emotional turmoil again when pg again - I think its horrible but pretty inevitable. Its going to be scary haowever long you wait.

Ghosty. I really hope it works out for you this month. I keep thinking about you and have everything crossed for you. You will get there. Hugs

[boogs]

Ghosty, I really appreciate the support and will be thinking of you too now, to take my mind off my own 'obsession'.
Thursday, eh?! Well instead of waiting for it to arrive and get anxious when it does (assuming you are...), why not do something completely different for this week-I dunno- plan a project, spring clean the whole house, make a sofa cover, anything. It really works to do something new that consumes you, if only for a few hours, you find that you can actually function without 'knowing', either way. I know it's really hard not to think about it tho. Hope this helps.
XXX

[boogs]

BTW I just got a 'normal' smear result. I was worried about that too. Now I KNOW it's just a matter of time before I'm pg again (touch wood!). Anyway, my sister wants me to be her labour photographer (she's due in about 3 weeks) which will be another disraction. Wasn't sure about doing it while pg myself!

[mummy101]

Boogs and everyone. I have 4 mc's between first and second. i had lots of tests (Nothing physically wrong)and an understanding GP. BUT the bottom line is that I found it easy to conceive hard to keep pg. Because I was older ?? maybe. But last one did carry I think because I waited longer between tries and took folic acid in prep.
I know this may not comfort but I felt ds ( my latest and last!!) was meant to be and that is why had to wait for him.
Comfort is: having a friend to talk to who was in same poisition we could say all the things to each other we could not say to anyone else, like how much we envied others who were pg and hated people assuming it was like easiest thing in the world to get pg. In fact getting pg is bloody difficult, biology does not make it easy whatever anyones else says.
I found out about my first mc when on the scan bed they were looking for a heartbeat and found none. The pain is always there not for the loss of a child but the loss of the hope of one.
Good books are avilable and practical help from specialists in London and try nearby women's hospital.I would definately recommend the book by Lesley Regan too.