What should I expect? Am miscarrying at 8 weeks...

[Charliesmum22]

Just found out yesterday evening (after some bleeding) that our little ones heart has stopped beating. I'm booked in for a D&C on Thursday, but am hoping that it happens naturally before then. I now have heavy bleeding (some small blood clots), and constant stomach cramps, but I haven't got a clue what to look for, and how will I know when 'it' has come out. I really don't want to have to go into hospital.

I know it's a horrible thing to be discussing in such detail but does anyone have any advice on what I should expect, and how long it can take once the bleeding has started. My doctor did go through all this last night wih us, but I wasn't really taking any of it in.

[ilovewashingnappies]

Oh I'm so sorry. Best of luck, thoughts are with you.

[fizzledizzle]

hi charliesmum.i had first m/c at 12 weeks, i didnt go in for dc and i bleed for about a week. with the second i had a dc and was really dreading going into hospital and everything but it was fine. the staff were really great and explained everything really well. if you have questions that you need to ask are you able to contact the ward at the hospital to speak to someone. we did and they were very helpful. hope this helps

[nell12]

I am so sorry for you. Blood clots will get bigger if it all happens before D&C. You WILL know just by looking. It can take a few hours, or a couple of days.

Hospitals can be daunting but you should be in and out really quickly.

Bug hugs, x

[Wheelybug]

Hi CHarliesmum - sorry to hear about your mc.

I had a complete natural m/c at 7 weeks. I think experiences can vary widely but here's mine. I had severe headaches for 24 hours then started brown bleeding which then the next morning went to red and then cramps. I then mainly had what was like a v. heavy period. At its peak, the bleeding was v. heavy and passed a lot of clots. I never knew when I passed 'it' which i had been v. frightened of. One night I had severe contraction type cramps but that seemed to be the peak.

I bled for about a week. I started bleeding tuesday pm and by friday morning they could confirm by scan that I had passed the worst.

It sounds hopeful you won't have to ahve a d&c. Take care of yourself, try and take it easy if you can.

[nandos]

im sorry to hear abt your mc charliesmum hope u get through this painful time soon ..

[Charliesmum22]

Thanks for all your messages and advice - I still can't quite believe it. I just feel so so sad

nandos I'm so sorry too about your situation. Have you had it confirmed yet? I really hope it doesn't take as long as you fear for you to become pregnant again. I know we're all different but I had a mc in April '06, and then having thought that it would never happen got pregnant again straight away with DS who's now almost 15 months. Don't give up hope... We'd been ttc for almost a year before my first mc (which was a very early one) and I reckon it was only because I was told by a friend to 'discount' the next few months to let my body get back to normal that we were so lucky again so soon. I really wasn't even thinking about it.

Having said all that, I can't help but worry now that I'll never have another baby. I think it's probably a normal way to be thinking, but still...

Re this mc, I'm still bleeding and have been trying to get hold of my doctor all day to ask if I have to go in for the D&C tomorrow. (Btw, is it now called an erpc or something? What does it stand for?). I really don't want to go. I'm still bfing DS, and am worried that if I have a general then I won't be able to feed him the next day. It's been a huge comfort being able to do that, and I'd hate to have to stop - we're down to one feed a day as it is, and I can tell it won't take a lot for my milk to stop completely.

[RealNappiness]

Hi Charliesmum.
Sorry to hear that you are having a MC.
I had this happen to me last year and am at the moment going through another miscarriage.

Last yr I opted for a natural MC and to be honest I bled for ages but everything was OK in the end. I feel that everything was not really cleared up until my 1st period after the MC and this often happens when you have a D&C because your 1st period can be really heavy.

It sounds like you're going in the right direction, if you're coping with pain and bleeding and you really don't want to go into hospital you could just carry on for a while. You will just need to watch out for infection. They can always give you antibiotics or another drug to try and help clear things up before you resort to D & C (just make sure you tell them you're Breastfeeding, (they often assume you have stopped ages ago).

Remember they can't make you do anything you don't want to, look after yourself and hope things get themselves sorted soon.

[chloekylie]

Sorry to hear of your loss i had a miscarriage last week . Luckily i had a full miscarriage. I started to bleed on the monday evening around 6pm. Iwent to out of hours drs and they said i could be miscarrying and to expect to bleed slightly heavier than a period and was sat home to see if it stopped or got worse and booked a scan for weds . Come moring things had got heavier and the pain was getting worse. Come 5pm things were realy picking up and was feeling weak i had to go to hospirtal by the time i was seen the bleeding was out of control they couldent examine me if you get to this stage i advise you get to the hospital . I got on the comode around 7.30 pm sorry this is horrible and i dont want to worry you but howi knew i had lost the foetus was because i felt it i knew i was loosing clots but this was rarther painful i quickly grabbed hold of my partners hand after they took it away a few mins later the nurse came back and gave me the urine sample and told me i had a complet miscarriage and luckily i didnt need a D&C as the cervix was closing by this point . Hope this helps you a bit . Good luck.

[belgo]

Charliemummy - sorry to hear you are going through this. It sounds as if you may not need a d&c if everything is happening naturally. I had a natural m/c at 7 weeks, and bled heavily for about 6 days, and then I had a scan which confirmed it had all gone. This helped me, knowing it was over.

I'm glad you are still bfing your ds, as I think that is a comfort. I regretted stopping bfing to start trying for another baby, because I went on to have two miscarriages, so there really hadn't been any point in stopping bfing.

I'm now pregnant again and no problems this time - there is hope, even after two miscarriages, try and believe you will have another baby.

[bluemousemummy]

Charliesmum are you still there? Did you have the ERPC? Just wanted to add that I had a miscarriage at 10 weeks in April and I opted for it to happen naturally and it really wasn't that bad (physically!) - hope you're ok, let us know how you are. So sorry you're going through this

[Charlotte4]

I'm so sorry to hear your news, i know i'm late on writing on this page but i to had a missed miscarriage at the beginning of last year and i wanted to tell you, you will be alright.
I was 11 weeks pregnant and felt that the 'feeling of being pregnant' had suddenly disappeared and so rang MW with my worries but she assured me it was prob the placenta kicking in and if i was concerned then i should book in for a scan at my doctors surgery in a week time (they only did scans on a certain day, although i now know that is rubbish). So after a week of worrying i had my scan, but my doctor was not a specialist so couldn't confirm anything. He just asked if i'd got my dates wrong cos the size of my baby was wrong for the dates i'd given him. I was so angry with him for the way he worded things and that he couldn't tell me for sure what was wrong. I was supposed to have my 12 week scan at hospital in 4 days time so he actually wanted me to wait till then. What? It still makes me angry now!
Next morning i rang the midwife unit and told them so they booked me straight in for a scan and was told the horrible news that my baby had died at 8 weeks. I was booked in for a d&c on the monday, it was friday on the day they told me.
That evening i actually started to miscarry but unfortunately for the next 2 days i continued to bleed and rang the hospital to check that i needed to go in and they said yes cos i may not have fully miscarried.
Sounds horrible but i actually found myself looking at all the clots wondering whether that was my baby, actually in a way hoping it was cos i didn't want my baby 'scraped' out of me.
I went in on the monday and had another scan and my baby was still inside me so i had the operation.
We waited 1 month before trying again, it took a while but i fell pregnant and 3 months ago i gave birth to the most beautiful baby boy!
I have to tell you your doctors surgery may be able to do scans for you. Noone informed me that they did, but with my second pregnancy i had about 7 scans before my 12 week scan. I had to know that everything was okay.
It really makes me angry that more women are not told that missed miscarriages and miscarriages are more popular then they say. Since my missed miscarriage i know 2 other women that its happened to.
I really hope you're okay. Good luck for the future! X

[Charliesmum22]

Hello, thanks so much for all your messages. I did have to have the d&c/erpc bluemouse, but it wasn't as bad physically as I thought it might be. The emotional part of it was awful as some of you probably know... Wasn't expecting that.

Am doing okay but still very sad. It's very difficult to get your head around suddenly not being pregnant isn't it. I looked down only a couple of nights ago to see my little bump and got a shock when it wasn't there.

Charlotte - your story has brightened my day. I am so sorry you had to go through what you did, it must have been awful. Your doctor sounds horrible. It made me smile when I read about your beautiful son - congratulations! I must admit I have been worried about whether I will be able to carry the next one through or whether I will miscarry again, but as I can see from what you wrote, there is hope! Thank you.

Belgo - so lovely to hear you're expecting, congrats to you too! Which hospital are you going too? The one in Leuven? (Can't remember the name) Hope all is going well, and good luck!

To everyone else on this thread I'm sorry for you too that you have also lost a baby. Hope you're all okay x

[belgo]

Charliesmummy - I've jsut read your profile - I'd forgotton you were in Belgium. I hope you've been happy with the medical care you've recieved here, I was very happy.

It also took me ages to realise what fruit shoots were - I've only seen them in the english shop in Belgium.

Thank you for the congratulations - I'm planning a home birth with independent midwives (not the Bolle Buik midwives), but I'll go to Gasthuisberg if necessary. I used to work there and trust the hospital.

[harpsichordcarrier]

I am very sorry for your loss charliesmum. please do try and be kind to yourself and get some support, and give yourself time to grieve.
what support do you have?
how is your partner doing?
do you have plans for the weekend?
sending love, HC xx

[Charliesmum22]

belgo - have been very happy with the care here, my gynaecologist is excellent and she's seen me through 2 mc's and the birth of our gorgeous boy. I trust her implicitly which is so important. Glad you have had good care too - that seems to be the general consensus from friends here too. I know a couple of people who gave birth at Gasthuisberg and they said it was great. What did you do when you worked there? That's amazing that you're planning a home birth - when's the baby due?

harpsichord - thanks for the message. My dh, family and close friends have been an enormous support, and also mumsnet... Dont' know what I'd do without it at the moment! dh is doing okay thanks, he's very philosophical about our loss which I find quite difficult, but we've decided to try again after one cycle which is pretty exciting so something to look forward to! Hope we have better luck next time round! As for this weekend we are out for a golf dinner tonight (my first time out since it happened, so not sure how I'll be) and then tomorrow as a treat from my parents we're off to a swanky hotel in Brussels for the night and I'm going to have a facial! What are you up to? Cx

[belgo]

I do feel lucky to receive good care in Belgium - and it makes me angry to hear about the sub standard care that some women in the UK experience.

Home births are not common in Belgium, but they are a possibility in most areas. I had dd2 at home. I have a flemish friend who is due to give birth at home any time now, she also miscarried her last pregnancy and became pregnant again almost immediately afterwards, and everything has gone well this time.

Enjoy your dinner and your night away!

[EmmaPP]

i found out yesterday (at my 3month scan) that the embryo'd stopped growing at 6 weeks and 4 days. i am still in shock, numb, not sure how i feel yet. Have bleeding, but only like a normal period. Had spotting for a week, then a little bit more before the scan, but not much. So now it's picking up,but still not as much as i was told to expect for a miscarriage. So now i have to decide whether to have a D&C or wait for it to continue naturally. nightmare.

[Singingintherain]

EmmaPP, I know how you feel, I am very sorry. I have recently had 2 mc's. 4 months and 2 months. I had a d&c with both. I waited a few days to see if anything happened naturally, but nothing. I opted both times for d&c. The first was the next day and the second was nearly a week.

With the first there was a development problem with no heart beat and the second was not properly established in the first place. My bleeding was very short and was told that having a d&c would stop me having such a bad bleed naturally.

I am sure if I did the right thing, but I was much more prepared for the operation the second time around, although my recovery was different after the second.

I know that I was properly looked after and made sure I was certain that I wanted to go through with the dc. The Doctor agreed to let me wait as long as I liked unless there was a problem, so I was emotionally ready for the operation.

I am currently upside down, not sure where I am in my cycle and are very deperate to ttc again. This is know is making it worse.

I hope you feel stronger soon, and all goes well. It is very difficult to give you advice, but only you will know how to deal with it. I hope you are getting lots of support. It will really help.

[Charliesmum22]

EmmaPP, I'm so sorry to hear your sad news. How are you doing? I really hope you have lots of support as it's so important at this time. It must be awful to have got that far and then find out such devastating news. I am thinking of you...

SingingITR, I'm so sorry about both your losses. That must be very tough. I hope things settle down for you with your cycle and that you manage to start ttc again.

Belgo, thanks for your message, had a lovely time at the hotel, but felt a little weird thinking about enjoying myself. Felt very guilty. Dinner went okay, but I did start crying when someone was nice to me. Only to be expected I suppose. Re your home birth, did you have gas and air? I know it's not an option at the hospitals. If it was I think I'd have considered having a birth without an epidural (for ds). Btw, thanks for your story about your flemish friend, I like hearing that there are happy endings...

[BeckyBendyLegs]

Hi EmmaPP I was a fellow December 08 expectant mum as you and exactly the same as happened to you has just happened to me. I started bleeding yesterday, scan today, baby died at about 5-6 weeks so about 5 weeks ago. I'm now waiting to see what is going to happen. The bleeding is fairly small at the moment with no pain. It's so horrible. This time yesterday I was on mumsnet talking about food cravings and now I am sat here with sore red eyes. Life sucks sometimes.

[Charliesmum22]

Oh Becky, I'm so sorry I remember you from the Dec 08 thread. It's just awful isn't it.

I really hope that you're being taken good care of, and I'll be thinking of you and hoping you're okay x

[BeckyBendyLegs]

Hi Charliesmum I remember you as well. I'm starting to feel less pregnant today which is really weird. I didn't need to eat a ginger nut before breakfast which brought fresh tears to my eyes. The hormones are leaving me and that is making me grieve all over again. Today was supposed to be my 12 week scan. It just makes me feel totally empty. I've had so many people show great kindness towards me which has really helped hugely and it is strange how many people have said 'I've been through it as well' when previously I didn't know. Why is it such a lonely experience for so many people? It shouldn't be like that. I can't imagine not being able to tell my closest friends about this. Reading through this thread makes me realise how everyone who has been through this feels the same. I also feel this incredible impatience to try again. I just want time to go quickly.

[Charliesmum22]

I know exactly how you feel, I think it's only when you open up to people that you realise how often this happens. What has helped me is thinking that so many people have had this happen and then have gone on to have a healthy baby afterwards.

You're lucky that you have your friends to help you get through this, it is truly a devastating thing to happen. It's very difficult emotionally to get your head round what's happened, be kind to yourself and give yourself plenty of time. Have you got time off work?

I was still really struggling after two weeks, but I had acupuncture a few days ago and it's really helped. Don't know whether you'd consider that, but would definately recommend it.

[BeckyBendyLegs]

It has happened to me before and two months later I got pregnant and had a healthy baby boy so I hope that reassures you and others that you can have a healthy pregnancy after a MC. So many people have said to me this time and last time 'oh it happened to me and then I went on to have so-and-so' or 'it happened to me between the first and second'. It just seems incredibly sad how common it is to go through this. I know I am lucky to have friends who I have been able to confide in about this.

I work freelance so I'm trying to take it easy. I told my boss and she told me not to do any work for her for a whole week! She was really sweet and was one of the ones who told me she'd had a MC once as well.

What I find quite hard at the moment is the difference in how I am handling this and how DH is. He is just busying himself with life and making innane jokes about inconsequental things. I know this is just his way of dealing with it but it just seems to trivialise it in my mind even though I know he isn't conciously doing that.

Thanks for the acupuncture suggestion. I'll see what I can find out. The sunshine today is helping me feel a bit better today. Life goes on.

[Charliesmum22]

Yes it does reassure me, thanks, and I'm so sorry that you are having to go through this again. I had a very early MC in 2006, but it was completely different to this one - the first one we only knew about because I just happened to have an appt with a gynaecologist re not getting pregnant, and she did an internal scan and saw a sac. I started bleeding the next day, would only have been about 4 weeks.

My DH and I have had the same thing - he seemed to just get on with normal life, while I couldn't. It really upset me, but we had a 'chat' and I explained how different I was feeling to how he was, and then he was a little more sympathetic. It must be very common as they aren't going through all the physical things like we are, and can just starting moving on from the moment they find out what's happened. How did he deal with your first MC?

Glad you're enjoying the sunshine, hope it continues...