Pregnancy after still birth

[user1471846991]

Hi
I'm new to this, I've never posted anything like this before. I guess I'm reaching out for help. I had a little girl at 34 weeks who was still born last year. 6 months after I was pregnant again and am currently 24 weeks pregnant. I'm absolutely terrified. I wake up every day scared. I'm crying all the time. The fear is off the scale. I can't control my anxiety it's taking over.
How can I get through this? I sit in the waiting room at the hospital and see all the mums who I was once like. blissfully pregnant and excited. And I will never have that again. I miss it. All I have is panic and pain in my heart. I'm grieving for my daughter and trying to keep this baby safe. I cant get past the images of her in my head. I don't want to forget her but it hurts so bad. I have 2 other children and I guess I never thought something like this could happen to me. I'm so scared I need help to calm down and focus. X

[Banana82]

Morning user. I don't have any experience of stillbirth but didn't want to read and run. I'm so sorry for the loss of your baby girl. What your feeling sounds perfectly normal. Have you spoken to your midwife about your anxiety? She may be able to offer some advice. Your pregnancy will not be carefree and relaxed. You've experience horrendous heartache which undoubtedly affects this pregnancy. I hope you find the support you need.

[user1471846991]

Thank you so much for your post Banana82 ❤️ My midwife is a lovely lady. She gives me advice but I guess it's me. I'm the one who can't take it in. Hopefully I will pull myself together soon. Don't want to be a nervous wreck all the time. It's draining x

[Alb1]

Hello, my baby was stillborn 4 months ago at 35 weeks, we are still TTC at the minute so I can't help personally, but I spotted a group of ladies who may be able to provide support and may be going through similar things. Like I say I havnt been able to post there yet so I may be wrong, but it could be worth having a look. I hope everything goes well for you this time, and I'm so sorry about your baby

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2552792-The-rainbow-cave-where-we-can-remember-our-angels-and-pray-for-our-rainbow?pg=20&order=

[OvO]

I lost my DS2 at 36w and was oh a few months later. I had the same due date and everything!

It felt like I was reliving the same year over again and I was convinced it would be the same outcome.

My consultant was great. I had extra scans for reassurance, I was told to go in every day for monitoring if I wanted to (and did from about 28w) and the plan was for me to be admitted at 34w and stay in until baby arrived safely - so I could be closely monitored.

I still stressed so much but it definitely helped having a plan of action.

Can you speak to your consultant about similar?

I'm so sorry about your DD. X

[OvO]

Oh should read pg!

[Ericka1472]

Thank you so much Alb1 and OvO it really helps ❤️ I'm so very sorry for your loss. I know that you must be going through hell. My consultant has been fantastic they are doing everything they can to help. I guess it's just me and my state of mind. I'm just not in a good place right now. It's like I'm moving in slow motion while the rest of the world are getting on with life.

[Notsogrimupnorth]

This is going to be a difficult time but take courage in the fact that you are being monitored closely and that everyone concerned will do everything they can to prevent anything like that happening again. We lost our first child 7 years ago yesterday. She was full term and absolutely nothing could have prepared us. I got pregnant again within 6 months and spent the entire time fretting but now have two beautiful children. Allow other people to really look after you, talk about your feelings and listen to your body. When you need rest, take it and really look after yourself. I know that the doubt is always there and no amount of reassurance can take that away but keep reminding yourself of the facts and the reality that you are doing everything that you can. Make sure that you speak to your doctor/midwife/obstiatrician - they can help. Take care, you are doing well by taking the first steps and talking about your feelings. All the very best.

[Bitofacow]

Can't add anything or say anything meaningful but hold in there. You can only do what you can do. God bless xxxxxxxx

[amyboo]

It's horrible isn't it? That feeling of panic and fear that comes and goes all the time? I had 2 more children after losing DS2 at 37 weeks in 2012. With DS3 (now 3.5) I remember mornings where I used to get into work, shut the door and lie on the floor of my office until I felt him move. Then I'd feel reassured for about 5 minutes before panicking again. That feeling never really went away throughout my whole pregnancy. But I found that extra scans (I had a scan every 4 weeks and a meeting with my gynaecologist every 2 weeks from 24 weeks onwards) helped. DS3 was born at 30 weeks, so when I was pregnant afterwards with DD1 (nearly 1) I had the same care, plus monitoring every week from 32 weeks onwards. Again it only kept me calm for about a day after I'd had the monitoring, but it certainly helped. Oh, and I was signed off work from 32 weeks, so I spent A LOT of time lying on the sofa watching crap TV with my hand on my tummy poking and prodding the baby till she moved....

I know it's not easy, but just keep counting down the days and your lovely new baby will soon be there safe and sound. Good luck x